TimesareChanging

60 days sober and it seems like know one cares. None of my family cares, i dont have any friends to care. When I told my brother he said congrats but I guess I was expecting something more. It just feels empty. If I am getting sober sitting in a cave all by myself, what does it really matter. People were quick to say things when they knew I had problems but now that im turning things around its just like know one is even interested. My grandfather who is 92 and has stage 4 cancer who i do everything for was always preaching about not drinking, he hasn't even noticed that I have stopped. And quite frankly he is driving me crazy with his constant negativity and being old bitterness. Always having to yell things two or three times for him to hear, then dealing with his nonstop pessimism. You may say well he is old but the truth is he has always been this way, even when his kids where kids. I need a break from this, the constant appointments, constant complaining, constantly being irritable. None of his kids ever offer to help out, they usually dont even come around, and when they do its just for about two minutes. They are all alcoholics of the worst degree as well. Its like all my family are just empty husks with nothing meaningful to say unless its to complain or accuse. There is no doubt in my mind that these are the reasons i was driven to drink for so many years. These are the same reasons they are all drunks. To escape the misery that is their daily lives. I want to go fishing or something to get out of here but that would just give me more time to think how much I dont want to ever come back.

LonelyShadow

60 days is great, and absolutly everyone on here cares that you've achieved that! I know the feeling, the last time I got 30 days it felt like a big milestone for me but nobody seemed to care at all, I think people do care but don't really know how to show it.

Anyway it sounds like you're in incredibly difficult circumstances and the fact you can stay sober throughout all of that is amazing. Well done, and carry on!

Mags1

Hi joshua, when I stopped drinking I expected everyone would notice, I'm still amazed people don't say to me you've been sober quite a few months now, Mags, you can tell.

But it's only a big deal to me I don't even get a pat on my back from my husband saying well done you're amazing.

Thing is, we know we are amazing, everyone here knows we are amazing but family just carry on not realising how super and how brave we are for being sober. They have their own cross to bare, like your grandfather which consumes their time and energy.

Keep visiting joshua, I think you've done an amazing accomplishment, 60 days, fantastic x

Blackhawkfan

Hey Joshua - congrats! I hit 60 days this week also. Huge milestone on a long journey and something Remember we are ultimately doing this fir ourselves

Blackhawkfan

to be very proud of. We do it for ourselves first and foremost. Go out and treat yourself on something to celebrate. Look forward to comparing notes on future milestones!

least

Congrats on sixty days sober! Is there no way you can get a break from caring for your grandfather? Can you get someone there for a while so you can get out of the house?

Confused106

I understand the want for approval. I quit drinking in December when my husband went to rehab. We have been drinking for years together.
Now everyone is saying how great he's doing getting things together, and I get nothing. While he's been at rehab I've taken care of the Kids, bills, worked full time, dealt with
everything.
I'm slowly learning to give myself the high fives I need. It is my personal victory that I didn't spend the time he was away completely drunk and hiding. I know that.

Cheer for yourself. You are doing great.

Mags1

You've a lot on your plate at the moment, joshua, and it looks like everyone is letting you take charge as you seem the most responsible or perhaps I'm misjudging your relatives.

I haven't any answers for you and you have a lot of responsibilities on your shoulders. I hope you keep posting and reading you may find some solace here.

ReadyAtLast

Congrats on 60 days.you care you've got 60 days which is fundamentally what truly matters. We care too

Dee74

Congrats on 60 days Joshua.

Yeah, if my sobriety depended on someone else caring, I'd have been back drinking a long time ago.

But it doesn't - it only depends on us caring

I know things might seem a little lonely and anticlimatic now but you will build a sober life - recovery is about more than just not drinking - it's about making new lives, new friends, new goals, pursuing new interests...and valuing ourselves more rather than always looking for that validation from others

Things will get better
D

mattpanic

Sounds like a couple of your family members are genuine self-centred slackers who deserve a kick up the back-side. That's an issue separate from alcohol so don't let it become your excuse to drink again. Generally, in terms of people noticing or caring about your sobriety, I guess it would be somewhat related to the fact that for people who don't have an alcohol problem, not drinking is completely normal. Hopefully at some point down the track someone might tell you how proud they are of you but on a day to day basis I wouldn't expect too much. That's why support networks like this site or AA would be useful.

As far as your grandfather goes, he's 92 and very sick and I'm sure you love him very much. However, none of those things mean that he doesn't have to treat you with courtesy and to respect the effort that you are going to for him or the things you are going through yourself. I would explain this to him quite clearly. It's important that you maintain your self-esteem I think.

These are my amateur opinions, you may need some more professional advice.

KateL

Congrats Joshua. Hang on in there, stuff passes. Look after your own life ad wellbeing xxx