a little depressed?
 

Today I felt badly when my girlfriend, trying to cheer me up, reacted in a disappointed sort of way to me.

I was expressing how I feel overwhelmed and exhausted and over-committed and that some of the things I value and enjoy just don't seem fun and everywhere I turn seems to be a pile of more 'stuff' to attend to....

Now, granted; yesterday I really didn't feel this way. Had a nice, enjoyable, fun day though it was filled from well before sunup until 11pm.

Yet today... I just woke feeling kinda glum and blah and crummy. I will focus on the positive and I will make a little gratitude list and I will soldier on and I'm sure I'll feel better because these things pass....

But I guess maybe here at day 50 - I'm just a bit depressed. Can't be positive all the time. Need to let it out. Yet I feel a little like I'm a disappointment when I let it out and express it. Maybe I'm not aware of how that makes others feel.... maybe I need to keep it a little more toned down.... but I feel like if I do that, I'm internalizing it and that puts me in danger of leading toward old habits and undermining my sobriety.

What is this ramble about? I'm not sure... but perhaps what I'm after here is to just get it off my chest and ask others who may have felt this way - how do you balance the need to express these 'downswings' and not let them eat at you, with the need to move on and be positive and not drag others' moods down with you?

I'm not gonna drink over it. I'm not gonna let it totally twist me up.... but I want to talk about it, get it out, be heard without being a downer by others who maybe understand.

Thanks

:)

understandable thoughts and feelings for the 50 day mark
the gratitude list is a very good idea
that is what most always draws me back from my sorrow
being grateful for what I have

such as
good health -- many don't
loved ones in my life -- many don't
monies to buy food and housing -- many don't
sobriety -- many don't

Mountainman

Congratulations on 50 days FreeOwl. I wish I had the magic words to lighten your mood but unfortunately what you are experiencing is what I consider to be one of the perils of living in a committed relationship. As a woman, it’s hard to separate ourselves from our SO’s obvious or stated feelings of disappointment; as though it is reflects on us as contributing to the disappointment. It’s possible that your GF took it to heart. Maybe a hug and reassurance that your down mood has nothing to do with your relationship with her? Learning to communicate is key to a healthy relationship; good and bad.

Don’t take her negative response personally; it’s a prime example of how she may have taken your acknowledgement of your feelings.

In early recovery, it seems to be somewhat common to have erratic emotions ranging from euphoria to what you are experiencing today, just blah. It really does help to get it out, so if your GF isn’t receptive at the moment you need to express yourself, keep posting here because there a lot of people going through the same thing and can totally relate.

Thanks Odelle...

I did reach out and clarify that I really didn't wish to be a downer, that she needn't try to fix my mood and that it's not about her or us.... explaining some of the issues that are weighing on me.

I do understand her perspective a bit... because I also feel that way sometimes when she's having a rough time and is unable to see her way through a mood or a challenge or emotion to something positive to uplift her and carry her. I get discouraged; that I can't 'fix' it, that it's an energy impacting my own happiness... etc.

I think you're right, it's a challenge in any committed relationship because we're humans and like it or not our own 'stuff' is at times going to cause our significant others to run aground of theirs or to have reactions which trigger us....

Anyway - thanks for the thoughts. I appreciate it and I do think that having an outlet like SR so that she's not the default 'dumping ground' for my need to express my negative is important. It's important that I communicate some of what's bothering me to her - but also it's probably equally important that it doesn't wind up becoming imbalanced. Nobody likes to feel that their loved one is just constantly complaining and grumpy.

thank you.

:ring

I find that having long-term projects to work on keeps my head above water. Over a mid-length period (e.g., a month) I have successes in weight training and my music skills. Also I find some gratification in achieving other shorter-term tasks, even things I don't really want to do. Clean a room, do some laundry, bake a cake.

Also helps that I'm single, life is a lot simpler this way. My kid is out of town so this weekend is about as carefree as it gets (pretty refreshing actually to be able to slam around barbells at 5 AM without worrying about waking anyone up).

Cliffs version: it's gratifying to make progress on things and if you have enough good stuff going in life it's harder for the bad stuff to drag you down, so stay busy.

No advice - just wanted you to know I feel the same way. I have a great husband, who tries to "fix it" when I seem to be in a mood. I usually come here to dump my negative thoughts instead of onto him. That helps, a lot.