Here I am..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 6
Here I am..
Hello all, new here. I've taken the long route to get here and I'm still not 100% sure I should be here but here I am.
Seven days since my last drink and I feel anxious and bit headachy. The emotions are raw and I'm on a bit of a roller-coaster. I sort of enjoying it despite the discomfort - 'feeling' is a bit like being on vacation, something different. Alcoholic is a pretty tough and loaded term and I haven't completely accepted it for myself just yet but I do know that my drinking is a problem for me and my state at the moment proves it I guess. I've spent twenty-five years drinking regularly, occasionally quite a lot and its built up more the last couple of years. I've never hit the bottoms that I've heard some AA people describe. My agony has been a long drawn-out but fairly quiet suffering. Emotions covered, life controlled, personal relationships negatively influenced.
I have had good times in my life despite my drinking but there is a strong feeling that I've got more to offer myself, my family and the world and that alcohol is holding me back. I'm just starting on a journey and I don't know where its going. I hope and think it's to somewhere better.
Whenever I post here it will be with the greatest respect to anyone on their own journey. Thanks for reading.
Seven days since my last drink and I feel anxious and bit headachy. The emotions are raw and I'm on a bit of a roller-coaster. I sort of enjoying it despite the discomfort - 'feeling' is a bit like being on vacation, something different. Alcoholic is a pretty tough and loaded term and I haven't completely accepted it for myself just yet but I do know that my drinking is a problem for me and my state at the moment proves it I guess. I've spent twenty-five years drinking regularly, occasionally quite a lot and its built up more the last couple of years. I've never hit the bottoms that I've heard some AA people describe. My agony has been a long drawn-out but fairly quiet suffering. Emotions covered, life controlled, personal relationships negatively influenced.
I have had good times in my life despite my drinking but there is a strong feeling that I've got more to offer myself, my family and the world and that alcohol is holding me back. I'm just starting on a journey and I don't know where its going. I hope and think it's to somewhere better.
Whenever I post here it will be with the greatest respect to anyone on their own journey. Thanks for reading.
Closing the gates of Oblivion
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: OK, USA
Posts: 273
Welcome mattpanic! The term alcoholic is for you to decide, some of us just know we are based on our track records. I wish you the best on your journey and we look forward to your future posts. This is a safe place to be no matter where you are headed, there are some good folks here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Well, welcome here. I never reached the bottoms some people describe on here. I never lost my job. I never got arrested or gone to jail. I kept my house and paid my bills. Got married. Had two kids. My health is pretty intact. But I can't drink normally. My "off" button is broken and I knew I needed to do something about that. So, I call myself an alcoholic and work on fixing the problem. just because my life hasn't gone totally off the rails, doesn't mean that it still can't if I keep drinking.
Welcome and good for you that you have seven days.
Welcome and good for you that you have seven days.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Welcome. I don't use the term alcoholic either- it has various connotations. I do accept however that i was addicted and on a train going the wrong way. I also accept if i drink again the urges and compulsive thinking will return, and my drinking pattern will vome back and get worse.
I also accept that sobriety as a way of life is best for me. Life's better
I also accept that sobriety as a way of life is best for me. Life's better
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi, mattpanic. Glad to have you aboard! Personally I try not to get too caught up in labels and words. I'd rather focus on feelings, and I feel a whole lot better than I did before. Swapped regret for gratitude, despair for hope.
The roller coaster is perfectly natural. This is a big adjustment. It smooths out in time. You're absolutely correct—you are headed to somewhere better.
The roller coaster is perfectly natural. This is a big adjustment. It smooths out in time. You're absolutely correct—you are headed to somewhere better.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Hi Matt and welcome. I didn't reach rock bottom either, just realised alcohol was having an adverse affect on my life. Coming here has been fantastic helped me to see many others had the same sad relationship with booze I did.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,673
Hi mattpanic, welcome to SR, I think we've all been on that roller coaster, if not still on, just at different points of the journey. I'm sure you'll find lots of help and assistance here should you require it.
I keep being surprised at how life gets so much better, clearer without alcohol in my life. Yes, there are down days, I had one yesterday, but it's not the end of the world like it is when my brain was fogged with booze.
All the best for you and your family x
I keep being surprised at how life gets so much better, clearer without alcohol in my life. Yes, there are down days, I had one yesterday, but it's not the end of the world like it is when my brain was fogged with booze.
All the best for you and your family x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 6
Thanks all for the welcome. Interesting to hear from some others that have also struggled with alcohol without perhaps experiencing some of the really terrible life events that I've heard from others. It's something that I've kind of struggled with a bit in trying to come to terms with my problem. At various times I thought that I'm not that bad in comparison, at other times I've felt like a bit of a fraud if I tried to label my own problems in the same category. It's just something I have to get past a bit I guess.
Here in my part of the world I'm experiencing my first Saturday night without booze in memory. It's actually not quite as hard as Friday night where I was tired after a long week of work and feeling like rewarding myself. This is where I'm at. I can't think too much down the track just yet. One day at a time I guess.
Here in my part of the world I'm experiencing my first Saturday night without booze in memory. It's actually not quite as hard as Friday night where I was tired after a long week of work and feeling like rewarding myself. This is where I'm at. I can't think too much down the track just yet. One day at a time I guess.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: fl
Posts: 84
Each of our rock bottoms is at a different depth. I felt the same way about my situation, not neatly as bad as some others. Its all about when enough is enough. Welcome to SR, it has been an invaluable resource for me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 260
First of all...awesome job on the one week sober....but yeah....I don't think you even HAVE to be an alcoholic to see that alcohol is leading you down the wrong path. If its beginning to be a problem for you....then its best to catch it now. Kudos to you for seeing it early on. Wish I had that foresight.....
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
One thing you learn quick here is that comparisons don't help! I used to compare myself to my XAH and thought I can't be an alkie I'm nothing like him! No, but I hid a bottle of brandy in the kitchen to chug from, and that's so not normal!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 260
In my opinion...the best way to know if alcohol is a problem for someone is this.......even if you get to work everyday...get the trash out....wash all the dishes....get the bills paid on time....and life is otherwise hunky-dory .....if when you stop drinking....you shake...tremble....get hot and cold sweats...trouble sleeping....stomachaches...in other words, you have a bad physical reaction when you DONT drink....that's a good sign that its become a problem....and the taken care of things I just mentioned are on deck to begin being neglected ....that's when the snowball begins becoming an icy boulder....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 260
Originally Posted by mattpanic 
Hello all, new here. I've taken the long route to get here and I'm still not 100% sure I should be here but here I am.
Seven days since my last drink and I feel anxious and bit headachy. The emotions are raw and I'm on a bit of a roller-coaster. I sort of enjoying it despite the discomfort - 'feeling' is a bit like being on vacation, something different. Alcoholic is a pretty tough and loaded term and I haven't completely accepted it for myself just yet but I do know that my drinking is a problem for me and my state at the moment proves it I guess. I've spent twenty-five years drinking regularly, occasionally quite a lot and its built up more the last couple of years. I've never hit the bottoms that I've heard some AA people describe. My agony has been a long drawn-out but fairly quiet suffering. Emotions covered, life controlled, personal relationships negatively influenced.
I have had good times in my life despite my drinking but there is a strong feeling that I've got more to offer myself, my family and the world and that alcohol is holding me back. I'm just starting on a journey and I don't know where its going. I hope and think it's to somewhere better.
Whenever I post here it will be with the greatest respect to anyone on their own journey. Thanks for reading.
Seven days since my last drink and I feel anxious and bit headachy. The emotions are raw and I'm on a bit of a roller-coaster. I sort of enjoying it despite the discomfort - 'feeling' is a bit like being on vacation, something different. Alcoholic is a pretty tough and loaded term and I haven't completely accepted it for myself just yet but I do know that my drinking is a problem for me and my state at the moment proves it I guess. I've spent twenty-five years drinking regularly, occasionally quite a lot and its built up more the last couple of years. I've never hit the bottoms that I've heard some AA people describe. My agony has been a long drawn-out but fairly quiet suffering. Emotions covered, life controlled, personal relationships negatively influenced.
I have had good times in my life despite my drinking but there is a strong feeling that I've got more to offer myself, my family and the world and that alcohol is holding me back. I'm just starting on a journey and I don't know where its going. I hope and think it's to somewhere better.
Whenever I post here it will be with the greatest respect to anyone on their own journey. Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Brooklyn, ny
Posts: 734
Although our experiences may be different I know that while drinking I had to constantly lower my expectations and definitions of what was normal or acceptable. I dont want to live a compromised future which is what I'd have to do if I continued to drink, and my low would always just get lower.
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