Angelina1982

I've been with my EXTREMELY functioning addict husband for 14 years now. He has been to treatment for Vic's, alcohol and his most recent time 32 days clean from snorting heroin. He has been using pills for the past 6 years and I thought he was clean for the past 6 months and it turns out he went from subs to snorting Oxys then to snorting heroin. We are shockingly still in love only by the grace of god with all we've been through and we have 4 kids together. But it seems like we are arguing a lot lately. This morning was because he bought and smoked cigarettes after having 17 days smoke free. Then this afternoon he gives a guy at his NA meeting a ride home 20 min out of his way when this guy is on subs himself and my husband was addicted to those at one time. It just made me feel incredibly uncomfortable him driving in the car with this guy. Not to mention we can't afford for him to use gas to go out of his way. What started the argument is me having to call him to ask why he isn't home yet and him telling me he's giving this guy a ride home when I feel he should of called before I called him and said"hey I'm giving this guy a ride I'll be late coming home" I feel like he should want to work harder on trust issues. But instead he says" what this is what I'm suppose to do" when I feel like if it will bother me him driving this guy home then isn't our marriage more important than that?!?! Obviously I'm getting naranon help myself. I need advice. Every time I feel like we take a step forward with trust, his recovery ect something like this happens and I feel like were 10 steps back

sugarbear1

Maybe try Naranon or Al Anon?

If your hubby is working those steps and doing what is suggested, you will have a fabulous life in the future, but for now, he needs to heal.....my car has run on gas fumes when I go out of my way to help another suffering addict/alcoholic in need....amazing!

Work on you and in time, you and he can work on the teamwork!

Hugs,

newbie24

He shouldn't be associating with anyone that uses anything. But your patience and support is important otherwise the fighting will lead him to use again for sure. It's hard for you too bc he does need to show actions that he wants to be clean and all his actions suggest otherwise. Stay strong.

hopeful4

Anyone who is in rehabs and snorts pills and H is not going to be functioning for long, just saying. I hope you are making plans for you and your children's future.

I am sorry, I know that is not what you want to hear, but addiction is progressive, especially on H.

Good Luck and God Bless.

Angelina1982

I appreciate the replies as I feel so alone. Hope~ he does have over 30 days clean so I feel like there is hope. Newbie, that's what I'm saying! Suboxine is just another drug! Coming from someone who has seen her husband get high off of it on a daily basis. I dislike subs so much.. Sugar bear, I know. I sound so codependent it's truly sad.. Feeling like I can control HIS addiction and letting it dictate MY happiness. I just don't get how he can't see how my suggestions to him are only me feeling like I'm trying to get him to see whats right for HIS sobriety.

This is ****** I wish there were more naranon meetings around besides twice a week..

Ruby2

"I just don't get how he can't see how my suggestions to him are only me feeling like I'm trying to get him to see whats right for HIS sobriety."

You can't. You can't make him to see what is right for HIS sobriety. I don't mean to sound harsh but you gave yourself the answer. It is his sobriety, as frustrating as that is and as much of an impact his using or being sober has on you and your four children.

Take time to care for yourself and not worry about him (easier said than done, I know) because ultimately, he will do what he wants to do.

I have seen my husband cycle from sobriety, to relapse, to sobriety over and over again. I know his pattern. I have seen multiple times what works to keep him sober for any stretch of time and I recognize when he is heading towards a relapse. No amount of my asking "so, when are you going to a meeting?" will make him go or make him stay sober. It is his choice. I can only pray that he chooses wisely and work on taking care of me and our children.

As to him giving rides home, my husband used to do that. It makes me nervous because it is usually code for he is about to go use. That may not be the case with your husband but I don't know. Even that is still his choice.

Sorry I can't give you much else. He has 30 days - that is a good thing. My husband has about that much time, this time around and I can only keep my fingers crossed.

least

I'm glad you're getting help from NarAnon. You need all the support you can get. We also have a friends and families of addicts forum for more insight into living with an addict.

Take care of yourself and kids.