That sticking point
 

So I've been reading a lot on here. I've been a member for about 4 years now. On and off I've read these forums, more often than not, especially recently.

Not long ago I read a thread about 'where do these people go that sign up and post then leave?'. Well I'm one of those lurkers, although I did spill my story back a while ago (check my name to have a look if curious)

Well, to fast forward: After four years, things have improved. Yet, I've battled the same problems all alcoholics have. For four years I've told myself constantly that binge drinking on the weekends is ok, or enjoying a few too many every fortnight is ok.

Unfortunately, I'm starting to realise I have no control over it. I've told myself so many times I can at least wait a month until a binge drinking session. Unfortunately that lasts less that 7 days. Maybe 14 at best. Yet it's always living in anticipation of that day. And if I happen to drink on an occasion and not get plastered...well I'm so happy I think I've 'conquered' it.

In the time since my last post, I've found my biological mother, she's in prison for DUI (and incidentally thinks once she gets out, she'll have a few because 'she doesn't have a problem'), I've mostly finished a teaching/arts double degree, and have commenced an electrical engineering/mathematics double degree. I'm trying.

I guess my main reason for posting is that I've realised I can't just have one. And to thank everyone here for speaking out. You've all helped me at sometime or other. Unfortunately my girlfriend at the moment is great, but alcoholism runs in her genes too, so she's already passed out.

I'll start again tommorow, as many do, reconsidering all I have in life, and what I have to lose to start again. I may post again, or may not. Please just know I visit this site often, and I thank you all, again, for your openness.

Thanks for this post, lukejay, and I hope you'll post again and again! But lurking's ok, too ;)

Welcome to the posting side of things!! :wave:

Welcome to the world of active posting Luke. Making the realization that you cannot have just one is a pretty big deal. It was really the game changer for me even though I hadn't plumbed the depths of losing everything before I finally got serious about quitting. If you are using SR as your primary source of recovery I"d recommend posting daily, it was a big help for me. Do you plan anything else at the local level ( AA, counseling, etc? ) It's never a bad idea to try some of those things out too.

Thanks guys. Yeah I'm considering it. Doing something at ground level. I just always saw AA etc as such a huge step, as I'm sure a lot of you have.
It almost seems ludicrous, but it'll take some convincing for my gf to know that I need it. She knows about my past history, but her entire family has been basically decimated by alcohol (she's french, lol) so, I seem almost normal. Unfortunately, I know it's not the case in terms of the drink.

for mom--maybe that prison will have an AA meeting she can attend and maybe, just maybe, a seed of change will be planted in her.....

for you--Your choice---die a slow and painful alcoholic death or live an (AA) spiritual way of life?

well, the worst part about her is that she's told me so many times in our 6 min timed talks that she'll just have a "drink or two" when shes out. And that we're all over reacting if we don't want her to drink anymore...Its painful...I mean obviouslyhow much more can a person be told that they cannot handle the drink?? She's had some kind of rehabilitation there...it is not working really :(

Welcome and stick around, sounds like you have a great future and career xxxx

It was when I accepted this not as an issue of fortune, but simply one of reality with no judgement attached to it, that I was able to quit permanently.

Thanks for the post, Lukejay. Best wishes!

I wish you well in your recovery whether you post or not. :)

Good to see you here, but of course lurking is fine. I wish you well. If I could control or limit my drinking I would still be drinking- but I can't, so I don't drink.

If SR has put the bug in your ear and got you thinking about the way you drink I'd say it was worth it.:c011:

Good to see you trying again Lukejay :)

D