GreenEggsAndHam

I'm on day 3 of sobriety and really trying to focus on staying sober.

The problem is that I feel I'm being pulled in a million directions. My drinking the past few weeks has gotten really bad. Black outs every night, talking crazy, suicidal (but only when wasted), etc.

I have men (ugh), children, my business, customers, accountant, mom, all needing things from me and demanding major life decisions when I can barely take care of myself.

Sometimes I want to do in-patient treatment to get away from everything and clear my head. I feel like people are more concerned with themselves than they are with me and my well-being. Maybe I need to be more hardcore and not care about what people need right now and care more about putting myself first. But then they lay on the guilt and I feel like the selfish one. sigh

Anyway, just getting it out so I don't drink myself sick.

Amajorityofone

Friend-

Isolation leads to depression. Thus, i would never encourage you, or anyone else to surround themselves with themselves. As for not drinking, all you have to do is get through this day. Don't worry about tomorrow, next week, next month or even think about next year.

Good luck and God Bless.

ErikT

THEN GO....go to inpatient....what are you waiting for????

PurpleKnight

Getting things typed out can be quite releiving.

I guess you could flip that same argument around and say all these people (with the exception of the children ) are being quite selfish in that they are only worried about what they want from you. Where then is the line/boundary in it all?

It's definitly not easy, when I quit I was working full time and that in itself was quite stressful, going to work tired, not sleeping for the first few weeks, withdrawals were in full flow, and I couldn't just hide behind a computer, I had the general public and managers wanting a piece of my time.

The important thing though is your Sober, hang in there!!

ScottFromWI

Taking care of yourself is number one right now. Just tell people you need some time to meet their demands. Most likely many of them are demands you perceive as urgent ( and they aren't really urgent anyway )and they can wait.

If you have the ability to do inpatient treatment, i'd absolutely recommend you do it. Nothing wrong with taking some time to get yourself in order, and it's not isolating - it's seeking help from others.

doggonecarl

Ditto. I can't think of a better way to put yourself, and your sobriety, first.

So as you go through the inner dialogue of why you can't possibly go, ask yourself what you are putting ahead of your sobriety. Is it your drinking?

GreenEggsAndHam

Oh yes, my children aren't really a problem - but the adults...knowing I'm struggling right now. Ugh.

I won't isolate, but I can't be around the main people in my life without them demanding I make major decisions, wanting to know my game plan, pressuring me. Right now my game plan is just to NOT pick up a drink. Everything else can wait, IMO, but they keep pressuring me. Maybe I have not made that clear enough to them.

As for in patient treatment: Same excuses you always hear. I have children to take to and pick up from school. I own and operate my own 24/7 online business and shutting down for a month would be disastrous financially.

ExWinoMom

Just one day at a time. 3 days is awesome! You have got this. Do you go to AA?

ErikT

Ive said this on so many of these threads......"No one has ever gotten sober beginning with a list of things they AREN'T willing to do"

GreenEggsAndHam

No, I need to start going again. I made it 21 days last time but decided drinking was more fun.

I feel like inpatient would make them realize that, look, I'm struggling here. I have a real problem. Why do you keep pressuring me for your own selfish needs? Why do you keep bringing me alcohol? Why do you like me stressed and drunk? These people really love me but I feel sometimes like they love the sick me and want me to stay that way because it's suits them each in their own way.

eta: I am not blaming anyone else for my drinking. Just saying they could be a little more sensitive to MY needs at this moment. Not that I deserve it, I guess.

ErikT

and NOT going could be disastrous physically, emotionally....AND financially. I mean how much better could you operate your business without "talking crazy....black outs every night..." Imagine being sober while operating your business....sometimes if we really want recovery....we have to put our arm across the table and just swipe everything onto the floor and just put sobriety on our plate. I know that when I was faced with killing myself with drink....saving my own life became much more important to me than making money or anything else.

ScottFromWI

What about AA or another type of face to face meeting, or perhaps Intensive outpatient? Those would all surround you with help and allow you to continue your daily tasks.

I'm sure you've heard it before, but it's worth saying that drinking to blackout every day will become disastrous not only financially, but in pretty much every aspect of your life, if you let it continue.

Think of it this way - If you run a business, you must realize that at some point you need to make expensive investments in equipment, time or services that will cost a lot in the short term, but benefit the business in the long run. Getting help for yourself now is exactly the same thing - a short period of investment in yourself that will benefit you and everyone around you in the long term.

ErikT

We have to realize our excuses for not going to rehab or meetings (excuses like a job...family...etc) are they very things we will end up losing BECAUSE we didn't go to rehab...or meetings.

GreenEggsAndHam

Thanks y'all. I've delayed posting this because I knew you all would give it to me straight. But that is what I need.

ScottFromWI

You are on day 3 - give yourself some credit for that. Find other resources locally that can help you move forward. Have you checked into IOP programs in your area? Many meet in the evenings or at times when working folks can get there.

ErikT

greeneggsandham....what state do you live in?

GreenEggsAndHam

I am in GA (ATL area). I am too embarrassed to go back to the meetings I used to attend.

ScottFromWI

So go to a different meeting, there are literally dozens around you. Excuses don't get you sober

Alcoholics Anonymous

ErikT

why are you embarrassed? Do you REALLY think all the alcoholics at those meetings got sober on the first try? That's like wanting to be a chef but being too scared to attend a beginners cooking class.

ErikT

Most meetings have a step one table. Newcomers are most important people at the meeting...