caliroz

I'm new to the site but am determined to finally heal from 50 years as an ACOA. I'm the oldest so of course, the hero. I'm always the good girl, it seems. Now, my younger brother has cancer and we are all in a panic about this. My middle brother passed away 8 years ago, hanging himself. He was the scapegoat. This youngest brother was the clown, then a lost child. I really have trouble asking for help and can't go on without it so I'm reaching out in many ways. Trying to take better care of myself. Trying to lose weight. Trying to handle things with less stress and w/o procrastination. I'm not going to let the family dysfunction gobble me up as it did when my first brother died and as it does so much during holidays and every 3 weeks when the deceased brother's child comes to visit. I have pushed back quite a bit over the years and received resistance but of course, that's to be expected I have read. Well, all that will go out the window with this crisis and I feel like I don't understand enough about the alcoholic family system to cope w/o help. I have a list of books I found on a forum here and plan to start by reading those. And I'll be reading these forums to help me cope and keep moving forward.

LadyinBC

Hi Caliroz! Welcome to SR.

So sorry to hear about your brother. I am an alcoholic and also come from a family of alcoholics so I certainly can relate to the good child, scapegoat, clown and lost child.

You will find tons of info here and you will also get lots of help and support here.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Calliroz

I know you'll find a lot of support here at SR

D

feeling-good

Caliroz - just want to say

This is a wonderful place and you will get lots of experience from people here

caliroz

Thank you!

least

Welcome to the family! We have a special forum for children of addicts/alcoholics. Perhaps you'd be interested in that also.

Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

KateL

Welcome Caliroz. Sounds like you've had a tough time xxxx

caliroz

Thank you. My parents took my brother to see the oncologist today as she called saying come in at 2pm. Finally, answers. But over two hours later and no word so I'm worried it's bad news. They are grappling with whatever news they have heard and possibly he had to have more tests too. I'm guessing here as well, I hate they are leaving me waiting so long but I know they have to process things their own way. Also, they are caring for him and he's very sick. Something told me to visit him on my lunch break and the doctor had just called to say come in today for the biopsy results. It's eerie how that happened but isn't rare with my family and me. I guess that's common with alcoholic families.

LadyinBC

I can totally relate to alcoholic families. Mine is definitely a dysfunctional bunch!

caliroz

I finally called them as I figured they were not going to call me until they finished other stuff. And yes, mom was busy trying to make appts for my brother and Dad was busy dealing with the news. My brother has a rare and aggressive form of lymphoma. We lost my other brother to suicide 8 years ago. I'm hoping for a cure but it's a long shot. I can't believe we are going to lose another brother. My parents were fighting at dinner last night. Dad was sensitive to any little thing mom did. I am not even sure what the triggers were. Mom was sensitive to any comment about money Dad made and finally said with you everything comes down to money. I automatically played peacekeeper when that happened and knew what I was doing was such a role. At least I was self-aware. My brother was there and is so weak. I wanted it to be a nice time for him. Over all it actually was but I can see how this is tearing them apart.

feeling-good

Caliroz - I am deeply sorry to hear the news about your brother. May peace and understanding be with you and everyone in your family xx