Nervous about upcoming social situations...
 

Hi all,

Could use a little bit of advice here. I don't have an overly active social life, especially since having children. However I have two social engagements on the horizon that involve drinking.

One is an (early) dinner party with our friends that also have small children. Alcohol is involved here on a moderate basis. None of these people have drinking problems, and will likely have one or two drinks, and call it a day.

The second is a hockey game with friends of mine that happen to be heavy drinkers. We usually grab a few drinks before the game, and continue the party throughout the night.

Anyway, I've already committed to these events because I'm hesitant to turn it down because of my limited social life. I used to use alcohol to reduce anxiety, and help me in social situations. These people don't know I have a drinking problem.

Any tips on how to get through these events without drinking, and without advertising that I quit drinking?

You will be fine, just plan ahead. Herbal tea is a great stress and anxiety reliever, and make sure to bring your favorite beverage. When I go to social events with my own drinks no one seems to care. I just say I am not drinking tonight. With my mind made up in advance I have no trouble drinking my drinks and staying sober. Good luck and have fun.

Limited maybe. But sober. Lets not lose sight of the goal. Do whatever it takes to keep that priority number one. EVEN turning down invites.

There are ways to increase your social life and keep alcohol out of the mix.

Good luck.

i have the same problem with social situations, but know i push myself into them abit so i get more and more comfortable with them without the aid of a drink.

We presented with fear we need to look it in the eye and challenge it.

I also remember thinking everyone is going to ask why i am not drinking and dwelled on that thought alot. But then when at the occassion grabbed a club soda and no one even said anything. My mind wasted alot of time ccoming up with something that didnt happen

Every time I have gone with the plan not to drink I drink.. Others drinking makes it seem okay, it's not. It's like alcohol is poison to me and not them..... Don't go if you think you'll drink. I wish I'd listened last week and backed out of my weekend away. I wouldn't have missed anything more important than my sobriety

Just keep a soft drink or another drink in your hand. Good friends really aren't a problem.
You will be alright. What you're doing is a healthy choice you've made.
Are you driving to both of these events? Always a good reason to not drink if this were the case.

Asking other people questions and being a good listener is a great way to socialize for times I want to be around people but feel too un-social.

I stayed away from all such events until I knew for sure I could handle them.
My social life was limited too, but I told myself it wouldn't be forever - and it wasn't :)

Don't forget too - there's loads of social things you can do that don't usually involve alcohol - coffee dates, go to the movies, sports, hobbies... the list is endless really.

D

Plan what you will drink before hand and stick to it. Don't rely on other people to supply non alcoholic drinks, they probably wont. Bring something really nice that you can share with others too. Bear in mind that these social events will get easier in time and it is natural that the first few times will be tough, so expect them to be, and don't see it as a sign that you need to drink to be social! And also, backing out is a totally valid option, as is leaving early x

No event, situation, or person is more important than my sobriety.

I am not obligated to put myself in any situation I don't feel comfortable in.

The best thing to do if you are going to go is to make sure you have a plan in case you need to leave ASAP. That is what I always do if I go somewhere I am not really sure about. I won't hesitate to leave if I'm not feeling "safe".

Well I will tell you this......Ive been sober for over ten years....however, two years ago, I wanted to go to my high school 20 yr reunion. I'm not ashamed of my addiction but didn't want to explain over and over again to people why im not drinking. So, I went to the bar and ordered a sprite with lime and asked the bartender to put it in a rocks glass. Everyone thought I had a drink and it wasn't an issue. Now....the hockey game is different. All you have to say is that you don't want to drink that night. Maybe say you have an early day the next morning and don't want to be hungover. But...Im gonna tell you...if you want to continue to hang out with these people...eventually you are going to have to tell them the truth....or atleast say you've quit drinking. I find it best to just not hang with drinking buddies.

Yeah, I wouldn't hesitate to opt of any social event where alcohol was present. It took me many months before I felt comfortable being around alcohol. The thing with early recovery is that I couldn't just stop drinking and carry on the same life, same people, same activities. It took a lot of change.

Actually what I found was....when I quit drinking....it was amazing....those 'friends'...stopped calling me. They weren't really friends. They actually did me a favor.

Well I have been pretty much drinking to excess since I posted this a few months ago. I caved during that hockey game and I've had maybe 5 or six alcohol free days since then. Last night I didn't drink, but mostly because I was so hungover.

Day 2

Thank you for sharing your experience jaybee. Welcome back on day 2. If you are dissatisfied with your social life do you have plans to change that?

I'm not a social butterfly and I am not very outgoing. I feel I am socially awkward at times but I do like to get out once in a while. I attend AA meetings for support. The various meetings, one in particular, sponsor social events throughout the year which I attend. They are kid friendly for the most. At the spring dance they passed out balloons and glow sticks for the kids. My here was dancing. I went to a dinner last Saturday. I've gone out for ice cream with women I've met at one of my meetings.

I still avoid any events that involve alcohol because it is too big a challenge. I feel one is expected to drink and I don't want to have to make excuses or provide explanations. I don't feel like I am missing out when I see the people the next day and they have hangovers and are wearing dark sunglasses and I am not.

The point is, you can do it. Congratulations on day two. Keep coming here.

I'm glad you're back Jaybee :)
Got any ideas on where to go from here?

D

I don't know Dee. I feel pretty lost right now to be honest. One thing I do know is that it's a Saturday night, and I'm stone cold sober. And that at least makes me happy.

I always recommend looking at two areas :)

The first is support - make sure you have some and that you use it.

The second is changes. Make recovery your priority - if that means some pretty significant lifestyle changes, at least for a while, I think it's worth it.

D