Hello!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 18
Hello!
Hi everyone!
This is overwhelming posting in a forum with over 1 million posts! I was going to post my life story on here but not sure I feel like I can even start to explain.
I've had a problem with controlling my drinking since 2004 when I had a bad car accident. Things progressed to a pretty bad level alcohol abuse. I have no idea how much I was drinking but it was certainly in excess of 1 litre of scotch a day.
In 2008 I went through a "detox" whereby I realised I had huge problem, went "cold turkey" and ended up having 24 hours of hell. I think at this point I'd cut down to a bottle and a half of wine a day.
Within a month I was drinking again, although nowhere near to previous levels.
Roll on October 2013 and I suffered a severe anxiety attack and when on a 4 day bender and yet again (FFS!) ended up with fairly severe alcohol withdrawal despite continuing to drink (500 ml Vodka a day). Eventually I ended up in the Doctors office and was given a weeks detox with chlordiapoxide.
I was given citalopram to take to deal with the anxiety which seemed to be the root cause of my drinking but due to the hugely bad reaction I had during the first two weeks of taking the citalopram I yet again ended up back on the Vodka.
Finally I roll forward to today. I was switched onto sertraline last month to deal with my anxiety which has helped a huge amount. Fortunately for me, sertraline and alcohol are a bad mix. 400 - 500 ml of Vodka and I black out and for me that's damn scary - I've never suffered that in my life. Total memory loss of an evening.
So I decided to take things into control. I've read a bunch of books on my Kindle, the most poignant being Allen Carr's drinking book which has totally changed my outlook on drinking. I have accepted I have a problem with alcohol, it's not another cause ... it's the damn bloody alcohol's fault!
I did not dare return to my Doctor so I've tapered off the drink. Tonight I'm on 11 UK units down from 15 UK units yesterday... dropping 4 UK units a day until I'm at zero. I do have a backup of prescribed diazepam (prescribed for anxiety) which I'm ashamed to say I carry with me night and day although I've yet to need to take any.
I'm also using Valerian and Passion Flower supplements, along with a good diet and plenty of exercise - been down the gym tonight.
Tomorrow I'm down to 7 UK units and I've a feeling I'm really going to start testing my resolve on this issue. I don't need or want this poison in me anymore - I want to be free. I didn't even want my first drink tonight but I need to stick to the plan - I don't need to end up in hospital with a seizure.
for your time in reading. I'm gonna need some help here over the next coupe of weeks so I'm reaching out!
Please don't judge me.
This is overwhelming posting in a forum with over 1 million posts! I was going to post my life story on here but not sure I feel like I can even start to explain.
I've had a problem with controlling my drinking since 2004 when I had a bad car accident. Things progressed to a pretty bad level alcohol abuse. I have no idea how much I was drinking but it was certainly in excess of 1 litre of scotch a day.
In 2008 I went through a "detox" whereby I realised I had huge problem, went "cold turkey" and ended up having 24 hours of hell. I think at this point I'd cut down to a bottle and a half of wine a day.
Within a month I was drinking again, although nowhere near to previous levels.
Roll on October 2013 and I suffered a severe anxiety attack and when on a 4 day bender and yet again (FFS!) ended up with fairly severe alcohol withdrawal despite continuing to drink (500 ml Vodka a day). Eventually I ended up in the Doctors office and was given a weeks detox with chlordiapoxide.
I was given citalopram to take to deal with the anxiety which seemed to be the root cause of my drinking but due to the hugely bad reaction I had during the first two weeks of taking the citalopram I yet again ended up back on the Vodka.
Finally I roll forward to today. I was switched onto sertraline last month to deal with my anxiety which has helped a huge amount. Fortunately for me, sertraline and alcohol are a bad mix. 400 - 500 ml of Vodka and I black out and for me that's damn scary - I've never suffered that in my life. Total memory loss of an evening.
So I decided to take things into control. I've read a bunch of books on my Kindle, the most poignant being Allen Carr's drinking book which has totally changed my outlook on drinking. I have accepted I have a problem with alcohol, it's not another cause ... it's the damn bloody alcohol's fault!
I did not dare return to my Doctor so I've tapered off the drink. Tonight I'm on 11 UK units down from 15 UK units yesterday... dropping 4 UK units a day until I'm at zero. I do have a backup of prescribed diazepam (prescribed for anxiety) which I'm ashamed to say I carry with me night and day although I've yet to need to take any.
I'm also using Valerian and Passion Flower supplements, along with a good diet and plenty of exercise - been down the gym tonight.
Tomorrow I'm down to 7 UK units and I've a feeling I'm really going to start testing my resolve on this issue. I don't need or want this poison in me anymore - I want to be free. I didn't even want my first drink tonight but I need to stick to the plan - I don't need to end up in hospital with a seizure.
for your time in reading. I'm gonna need some help here over the next coupe of weeks so I'm reaching out!Please don't judge me.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome to the family ushanka! You've found a wonderful place - we all understand and care.
I had so many failed attempts at controlling my drinking. I was determined to hold on to it - remembering the enjoyment it once gave me. Those days are never coming back though. In the end each time I picked up it led me to danger. It was actually a huge relief when I finally came to SR and found the courage to let go. It feels wonderful to be free. I'm glad you've made this big decision - we are with you.
I had so many failed attempts at controlling my drinking. I was determined to hold on to it - remembering the enjoyment it once gave me. Those days are never coming back though. In the end each time I picked up it led me to danger. It was actually a huge relief when I finally came to SR and found the courage to let go. It feels wonderful to be free. I'm glad you've made this big decision - we are with you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 18
So many posts already.
Thank you guys. It means so much to know I have *real* people to talk about this with.
I'm heading to bed now - frighteningly sober but annoyingly dulled from the alcohol I have had. I can't wait until tomorrow morning because I know I'm going to feel even better than today.
I must stick with the plan though! It's working so far.
I feel very apprehensive about the weeks / days / months to come though.
I know I don't need this crap floating around in me - it's a poison and robbing me of my confidence, happiness, money and finally I might have chance to not look so flabby!
I'm going to keep reading my self help books over and over until I can finally remove the social brainwashing.
I know the Allen Carr approach is a bit controversial but it seems to have provided the first hope for me in a decade.
I'm heading to bed now - frighteningly sober but annoyingly dulled from the alcohol I have had. I can't wait until tomorrow morning because I know I'm going to feel even better than today.
I must stick with the plan though! It's working so far.
I feel very apprehensive about the weeks / days / months to come though.
I know I don't need this crap floating around in me - it's a poison and robbing me of my confidence, happiness, money and finally I might have chance to not look so flabby!
I'm going to keep reading my self help books over and over until I can finally remove the social brainwashing.
I know the Allen Carr approach is a bit controversial but it seems to have provided the first hope for me in a decade.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 18
Thanks everyone. Had a rotten night's sleep but stuck to the tapering plan. I think I suffered some shakiness in my sleep but slept through it. Certainly had no sweats and my heart rate is perfectly normal (70 bpm as I sit here now).
Woke up feeling surprisingly fresh and ready to go though so already beginning to see the benefits of sobering up. Also I've lost 3.5 lbs this week whilst tapering.
Tonight I'm down to 7 UK units so that's 3.94 US drinks. It feels weird going down to the booze store simply adding up the alcohol content to make the right number. I've really disconnected from it now.
I've booked an appointment with my Doctor for Friday morning (thanks for the advice ErikT). Thursday night will be the last drink (3 UK units so that's 1.69 US drinks) so I'll *hopefully* be able to go into the Doctor saying I have had my last drink.
Tonight I'm not going to be drinking enough to go into "party mode" any more so from that perspective I'm out of the woods in terms of loss of self-control. I'm just going to have to start telling my "beast-brain" to shut up. I don't need booze!
Anyone got any pointers for my first night of sobreity without any crutch? I'm a bit excited and a bit anxious! What a day to finish on... Friday of all days.
Woke up feeling surprisingly fresh and ready to go though so already beginning to see the benefits of sobering up. Also I've lost 3.5 lbs this week whilst tapering.
Tonight I'm down to 7 UK units so that's 3.94 US drinks. It feels weird going down to the booze store simply adding up the alcohol content to make the right number. I've really disconnected from it now.
I've booked an appointment with my Doctor for Friday morning (thanks for the advice ErikT). Thursday night will be the last drink (3 UK units so that's 1.69 US drinks) so I'll *hopefully* be able to go into the Doctor saying I have had my last drink.
Tonight I'm not going to be drinking enough to go into "party mode" any more so from that perspective I'm out of the woods in terms of loss of self-control. I'm just going to have to start telling my "beast-brain" to shut up. I don't need booze!
Anyone got any pointers for my first night of sobreity without any crutch? I'm a bit excited and a bit anxious! What a day to finish on... Friday of all days.
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