My Journey (was I hate this feeling)
 

I understand that I am currently in the detox phase and that the depression and self loathing will pass, but I hate this feeling. After spending my weekend on a bender I decided this morning that I need to stop drinking. Had a very long and candid talk with the spouse regarding my actions. I can understand her skepticism given my past promises to cut back/stop. Last time I made it a whole 4 days (big whoop). She has faith and has said she will help however she can, but I'm not sure she can other than providing morale support.

I joined this forum in hopes to find the support from people who have been in my shoes and can understand what is going on in my mind. I have already had the voices tell me to give up and go get a beer and trying to convince me that quitting is a stupid idea. In all honesty, I'm scared. Scared I will fail again, scared that this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have forgotten what it is like to be sober. Not really looking for much other than an anonymous network to vent to. I know in a couple days I will feel like I have it under control again; it always happens that way. That is when I will really need the support.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

Welcome Lunatic. Your story is very familiar, and you definitely aren't alone. SR is a great place to help you learn how to obtain a sober life, it has really helped me. Read a lot and ask lots of questions.

And it's perfectly normal to be scared, fear is your body getting ready for a challenge. You mention that you are scared that getting sober is going to be the hardest thing you ever had do to - I won't lie that it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. But it is worth it, and the alternative is much, much worse.

Again, welcome and let us know how we can help.

Welcome to Sober Recovery.

We are much more than a platform to vent on. While you are welcome to rail against all that bothers you, venting is a poor recovery tool.

When I came to SR, I looked for the members who had the long-term sobriety I sought. Since my way of quitting failed countless times, I opened myself up to what worked for others. Did what they said do, didn't do what they said I shouldn't.

So there is information here, and wisdom, and advice, and encouragement, and support from those that are in the same boat your are and seeking sobriety. So again, welcome.

Thanks carl. I will do my best to follow the success of others. Something just feels different this time. Maybe in the past I knew I wasn't being honest with myself about quitting. I don't know. What I do know is that I am tired of feeling unhappy all the time. I am NOT thinking of hurting myself so no worries there, just constantly trying to fill a void and alcohol isn't the answer. I'm not the type of person who asks for help usually and convincing myself to even register here was tough.

I suggest you go to AA. It's helpful to me to get real live support. It wouldn't work for me to just use a website (although it has for others) It's a great tool of many for me. My hubby is very supportive but I need to be with others who on the same path.
I wish you the best!! :)

Welcome Lunatik.

:welcome

I suggest when you're feeling better and thoughts of drinking creep into your mind that you come here and post instead. :) A much better way to spend your time and energy and you won't feel like hell the next day! :)

I know that AA helps me.....its helped me stay sober for over ten years. Its not just a place to go to for an hour. Its a place to make friends. Friends that are going or have gone through exactly what you are going through. This helps so much. I would suggest atleast being open to the idea....

For those of you who have had success, how long until the cravings quit and your mind stops messing with you?

everyone is different.....just know that they aren't permanent.....

Ok you say you are open to advice so here's some.
1Go to your doctor and level with him/her about how long and how much you have been drinking and about your past attempts to quit.
2ASAP go to an AA meeting. Stay COMPLETELY open minded about what you hear. Look for similarities to your own experiences. If you get a chance, and as soon as possible after you arrive, tell people it is your first meeting.
3If the sadness seems overwhelming (or perhaps, even if it doesn't) get an evaluation by a mental health professional to rule out depression.
4Point my post out to your wife. Make her read it and then tell her to read the one above by you where you state “Something just feels different this time. Maybe in the past I knew I wasn't being honest with myself “.

You can do it. However, I believe it's typically best to get some help.

Day 2--That first night of sleep without booze was a fun one. Only took a couple hours to fall asleep and then it was like my mind was trying to dream but couldn't make sense of it all. It was similar to staring at one of those giant chalkboards in a college auditorium with a math problem that explains the meeting of life written on it. Woke up constantly but i know this is normal. Melatonin maybe? Found a couple AA locations nearby. Prob go and check one out soon. I didn't really like the first one I went to but maybe this one will be different.

(this is more of just a log of my thoughts so I can come back and reference them later and remind myself of what I have gone through.)

FWIW, I sat down with a good friend of mine and had an hr long talk with him about my issues. He is currently 317 days sober and we have a lot of similar experiences regarding what alcohol has cost us up to this point. He offered very encouraging words of advise that he felt helped him in his struggles. Though not an official AA sponsor, he did say he was here for me day/night and was willing to help however he can. I definitely feel much better after talking with him. Off to get some sleep. Good night to everyone....and :thanks

Congrats on day 3 Lunatik :)

My Journey
 

Day 4--Still can't sleep, and now I'm pretty sure I have a sinus infection to boot. Not looking forward to the long weekend. I will be strong enough to get through, but its payday too and this is usually when I would cut the brake lines and put a brick on the gas pedal for 3 days. That's not me anymore. I keep telling myself that...

It's prob better that I feel like crap since my propensity to drink is usually lower. Then again my cure for a cold used to be to drink enough whiskey to kill the virus but not me. Any good substitutes out there for hot totties? Anything other than leave the whiskey out? I feel like that was always the secret ingredient.

BTW: any way to edit the thread title? I couldn't think of anything better at the time and want to change it to "My Journey" I think that more adequately expresses my intent of posting this.

I changed the title so that old readers and new could find it :)

hot tea and lemon (and or honey) is pretty good IMO.
D

Thanks for the title edit Dee. I apologize for cluttering up your forum with this, but I did not know where else to start the other day.