Finding Your True Sober Self

Old 02-11-2014, 11:19 AM
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Finding Your True Sober Self

In the last month that I have really accepted that I have a problem and have been trying to quit I have thought about this a lot. I am 26, been drinking since I was 15. I have always been kind of shy and alcohol has been my way of feeling comfortable around ppl and socializing my whole life pretty much! Also, I have no hobbies, I don't even know what I am interested in! Drinking has been my hobby and what I looked forward to every weekend, every trip, every get together with friends- it's all revolved around alcohol and I don't know what I will do without it! I know I'm going to have to figure something out bc I cannot continue drinking. I want to live and be healthy and happy and whole. I just am having a hard time picturing what life will be like.
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Old 02-11-2014, 11:25 AM
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Hi Brit

It's a struggle for me too. I just try to think of this all as an opportunity to re-invent ever hard it is I know what I DON'T want to be ( a mentally and physically ill addict) so I am just trying to find out who I am and get back into hobbies that I used to be happy with...sober happy!
Anyway I just wanted to say that I can understand b/c I share some of the same feelings. Hang in there and just try everyday - it's not easy but other tell me it gets better and I think it's just a slow process and get drunk was always a quick process for me!
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Old 02-11-2014, 11:35 AM
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I think you should look at sobriety as an opportunity. There are actually more things you can do sober than when you are drinking, so in a very real way drinking limits what you can do. Drinking/acoholic thinking is also very narrow - we ASSUME everyone else drinks and the only way to have fun is to drink, but in reality the opposite is actually true. Most people DONT drink to excess or to the point that it causes problems in their lives.

You need to step out of the shell and try new things, and the list of what you can do is virtually limitless. Volunteer, take a class, read, excercise, join a book club, learn to sew, plant a garden, go to church, ride a bike, bake a cake, etc....
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Old 02-11-2014, 11:44 AM
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I totally understand what you mean - I was 36 when I got sober (in 2012) and I had been drinking to cover my social anxiety for 18 years. I had no idea who I was, as I'd spent half of my life using alcohol to alter my personality. I started trying to think back to who I was before I started drinking...but that was just a young teenaged kid, a kid who had never found out his true self anyway.

In short, it's confusing! And there really are no answers. "Who am I?" is a question that philosophers have been asking themselves (drunk or sober) for thousands of years. We just need to try our best to figure it out, and more importantly you can just "let it come" to you as a sober individual.

As for hobbies, one thing that I learned in treatment (I think?) was the suggestion to "create new, positive, sober memories" and start building on those. What do you like to do? Would you like to be a photographer, journalist, or climb mountains? DO IT! Start actually doing some of these things in reality. You will be proud of yourself and make progress once you start accomplishing things sober.
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Old 02-11-2014, 11:45 AM
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I hear ya....

I didn't really realize how much of me was tied to drinking. Even a lot of my hobbies and interests.

I like the idea of looking at it as an opportunity, even a gift. A gift of being able to find greater heights and depths of experience and of Self than every before and to life a life that is fulfilling in lots of wonderful ways - unclouded by the haze of alcohol.... doing and experiencing things that otherwise we'd have completely overlooked or only half-lived because we were half-lit.
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Old 02-11-2014, 11:52 AM
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One other thing- try not to get discouraged as you try new things! It's not easy finding out what you like/are good at and you may have to try many things b/f you find Brit's thing
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Old 02-11-2014, 12:14 PM
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Originally Posted by brit789 View Post
Drinking has been my hobby and what I looked forward to every weekend, every trip, every get together with friends- it's all revolved around alcohol and I don't know what I will do without it!
Of course you can. I drank for over thirty five years. I found I can do anything I want now that I'm sober. Not something I could have said when I drank. Drinking is actually very limiting. But it takes some sobriety to release that.
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Old 02-11-2014, 12:39 PM
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That all makes sense. There are actually a lot of things I would like to try. I am still nervous if social situations. I never realized before but I think I do have social anxiety. Maybe once I am sober for longer than a week I will feel better about myself and it will subside a little bit.
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Old 02-11-2014, 12:47 PM
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Give yourself more sober time to normalize. I also didn't know what I'd do with my time if I stopped drinking. I found out I can do ANYTHING, and do it better to boot!

There is a better life waiting for you. Stay sober so you can reach it.
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Old 02-11-2014, 02:47 PM
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Hi Brit - I drank most of my adult life. I had no idea who sober me was either.
You will find out...but it may take a while. Try and be patient.

don;t miss the journey trying to get to the destination

If we work at it, every day we get better at this sobriety thing

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Old 02-11-2014, 06:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
don;t miss the journey trying to get to the destination

It's a time of discovery. exists, and identity...the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.

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Old 02-11-2014, 06:37 PM
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Social anxiety is a big problem for me too, looking back at some of my stupider drinking episodes, it's no coincidence many of them happened at parties where I feel the need to liquor up in order to feel comfortable. I'm not sure what the answer is, probably working on my self-esteem would help .
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