Jeni26

I'm home from work today feeling poorly..horrid headache and feeling sick. I'm not a good patient, there's something about feeling ill that transports me back to being about 3 years old...I need someone to come over with homemade chicken soup and fluff my pillows for me...lol. I'm a real baby I tell you...

Anyway as I was lying here, I started reading back through my first posts here, and wow what a revelation it has been. I was immediately transported back in time and felt all those same emotions...fear, bewilderment, despair.

I started on SR very tentatively, not sure if I was even really an alcoholic, wanting someone to post and tell me that it was ok, I didn't really have a problem, that I could just carry on with my life as I was. Of course no-one did...normal drinking didn't consist of stockpiling booze, drinking until blackout, spending every weekend curled up shaking and suicidal on the sofa. I knew that really. But I hoped that maybe I could one day learn to drink normally again. You all told me that wasn't possible, and you were right.

You all held my hand through the early days and weeks, when I was fearful and didn't think I could make it through a weekend sober. I was amazed at people's kindness to me. No judgement, even when I told you what a cr@p parent I was, and how I'd neglected my kids' emotional needs for years.

I did a lot of off-loading about how unfair life had been to me...I told you all about my childhood and the abuse I suffered. I posted when I was walking around in the early hours of the morning after having harrowing nightmares. I did that for months...you all stood side by side with me, and encouraged me to seek help.

You all listened when I talked about my alcoholic husband and how I feared for my marriage. I just re-read a post I made when I was so unhappy and he was completely blind drunk...you urged me to stay close to you all.

I shared when I relapsed and truly thought my world had ended. That is perhaps the night when I was closest to ending it all. Almost a bottle of vodka and a handful of diazepam..but I woke up, and you were all still here, willing me on...

I have asked questions, listened, cried, laughed, sulked a bit, and learned such a lot from you all.

I owe every single person here who posted and supported me, and who has held my hand through my darkest hours a huge debt of gratitude.

I'm doing it guys..I've found my peace in sobriety. Thank you all so very much xxx

MidnightBlue

Hi, Jeni)

Sorry you are feeling poorly today, my friend. If I could I would knock on your door today with some chicken soup, my homemade sweets, and handful of funny stories to cheer you up.

But what a great post you've written!

Thank you for being here with us.

And "if you need me around
I will be holding your hand".

My positive and healing vibes to you. Have some tea, watch some good movie, take some sleep)

KateL

Great post. Thank you xxx

MythOfSisyphus

Being sick sucks, but the first time I got sick after I got sober it was almost fun. It confused me at first because for years I was used to feeling like that all the time. It was weird once I started feeling great to go back to feeling like I was hungover.

Get well soon! This too shall pass.

PurpleKnight

Great Post!!

Dee74

Great post Jeni...it's been a long and sometimes windey, but awesome, journey
I hope you feel better soon tho

D

Weasel1966

Love ya!

TOY!

Jeni26

It sure has Dee. I have no idea where I'd be now if it wasn't for this site, and it doesn't bear contemplating either.

I've followed a lot of people's journeys on here and none have been straightforward have they? Not one of us seem to march with confidence in a straight line. I think every time we falter or stumble, we learn from it, as long as we get up and continue walking.

I've made some real lifelong friends here too. Sharing stuff on-line has brought me closer friendships than I'd ever made with a drunken pal. Going through such a life changing process together seems to create a bond.

And it started with a simple google on alcohol support groups...wow.

And I'm sure I will feel better soon thanks Dee...I never quite mastered the art of letting go of self-pity... ha ha

Jeni26

Hi Ken...TOY right back at ya..xxx