My daughter had two choices Recovery or Jail/Prison
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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My daughter had two choices Recovery or Jail/Prison
My daughter who is 27 yrs. old and was living at home with her son who is 6 was just last week given two choices by us. Recovery or we press charges for fraud/stealing money from us. Forging checks.
Long story short I think her use has been on going since she had a shoulder injury about 5 yrs. ago. She kept it all under wraps and we did not even suspect that she had become to addicted to pain pills.
17 months ago her brother was killed in an auto accident and she came back home to to live with us. She has an on again off again relationship with a man who is also an addict/alcoholic.
She has been in treatment for just about 11 days and we have found that she is currently still manipulating and lying and cheating from recovery.
She was TRUSTED in our home until we found that she had stolen thousands of dollars from our savings account via our ATM card which we let her use for groceries at the store. OUR BAD we took a while to look at our savings balance. After she was found out and we threatened her she ran back to the BF. But not 2 days later even after changing the locks on our doors, while she was in our house for a little over 15 minutes getting CLOTHES......she stole a check and from the center of my husbands business account and signed and cashed it to herself for 458.00
When this found out we told her either she goes to Prison or Rehab. She put up a battle and went to rehab. She has only been there for 11 days and has already been caught while still in rehab lying. She gave a net card that had her tax refund on it to pay part of what she stole from us back. I got home and now find she BLOCKED the card and is having a new one sent to her at rehab.
I have been taking out my anger by packing up all her clothing and her contents of her room into PLASTIC bags. Apparently she thinks she needs to stay only in rehab for 30 days. OUR opinion is 90 or press charges.
HELP.....what do you think and what should do at this point? I have no problem filing with police if she does not stay for at least 90 days. I also have no problem with NOT contacting her again while in rehab. This means NO cash...**cigarettes** or talking on the phone.
BTW My husband and I had her son, our grandson with us until last night. He is now in the hands of the alcoholic dad and my daughter gave him full permission, even though he didn't really legally need it. BUT he would have let him stay with us IF SHE had told him to. **co-dependant/addicts**
What would you think I should do next if anything?
Long story short I think her use has been on going since she had a shoulder injury about 5 yrs. ago. She kept it all under wraps and we did not even suspect that she had become to addicted to pain pills.
17 months ago her brother was killed in an auto accident and she came back home to to live with us. She has an on again off again relationship with a man who is also an addict/alcoholic.
She has been in treatment for just about 11 days and we have found that she is currently still manipulating and lying and cheating from recovery.
She was TRUSTED in our home until we found that she had stolen thousands of dollars from our savings account via our ATM card which we let her use for groceries at the store. OUR BAD we took a while to look at our savings balance. After she was found out and we threatened her she ran back to the BF. But not 2 days later even after changing the locks on our doors, while she was in our house for a little over 15 minutes getting CLOTHES......she stole a check and from the center of my husbands business account and signed and cashed it to herself for 458.00
When this found out we told her either she goes to Prison or Rehab. She put up a battle and went to rehab. She has only been there for 11 days and has already been caught while still in rehab lying. She gave a net card that had her tax refund on it to pay part of what she stole from us back. I got home and now find she BLOCKED the card and is having a new one sent to her at rehab.
I have been taking out my anger by packing up all her clothing and her contents of her room into PLASTIC bags. Apparently she thinks she needs to stay only in rehab for 30 days. OUR opinion is 90 or press charges.
HELP.....what do you think and what should do at this point? I have no problem filing with police if she does not stay for at least 90 days. I also have no problem with NOT contacting her again while in rehab. This means NO cash...**cigarettes** or talking on the phone.
BTW My husband and I had her son, our grandson with us until last night. He is now in the hands of the alcoholic dad and my daughter gave him full permission, even though he didn't really legally need it. BUT he would have let him stay with us IF SHE had told him to. **co-dependant/addicts**
What would you think I should do next if anything?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Welcome. 
Wow! You've got a lot on your plate right now. I see nothing wrong with your actions. Your daughter committed a crime against you and should pay the consequences. And can you see about getting her son away from alcoholic dad? He doesn't sound like someone who should be raising a child.
Wow! You've got a lot on your plate right now. I see nothing wrong with your actions. Your daughter committed a crime against you and should pay the consequences. And can you see about getting her son away from alcoholic dad? He doesn't sound like someone who should be raising a child.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
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Hey Atruheart, Welcome to the Forum!! 
Covering for an addict is never a good idea, as it'll not hit home the need to change, even then it may not hit home, as the addict needs to make the decision to change HER life, no one can do it for her.
But whilst she's an addict, supporting her actions through having no consequences will probably not lead anywhere other than a possible repeat of the same actions.
It's a tough situation, don't get me wrong, but you'll find a lot of support her on SR!!
Covering for an addict is never a good idea, as it'll not hit home the need to change, even then it may not hit home, as the addict needs to make the decision to change HER life, no one can do it for her.
But whilst she's an addict, supporting her actions through having no consequences will probably not lead anywhere other than a possible repeat of the same actions.
It's a tough situation, don't get me wrong, but you'll find a lot of support her on SR!!
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 5
Thank you guys for your comments 
I had my GRANDSON.....had him physically but somehow for some reason she gave in to his dad. Neither has ever filed for legal custody. So he has all the rights she does. He is "IN LOVE" with her.....he said he would abide by her decision. When she left she ONLY wanted my grandson here in our home. Somehow she has been able to communicate with the BF and felt the need to let him see him/take him from us.
I had my GRANDSON.....had him physically but somehow for some reason she gave in to his dad. Neither has ever filed for legal custody. So he has all the rights she does. He is "IN LOVE" with her.....he said he would abide by her decision. When she left she ONLY wanted my grandson here in our home. Somehow she has been able to communicate with the BF and felt the need to let him see him/take him from us.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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That's a lot to have on your place for sure. For me the most important thing would be her son. If you feel he's in danger staying with his father i'd contact social services, a 6 year old shouldn't have to deal with the poor choices his parents made.
Regarding your daughter, you hold all the cards legally and financially, and she's only going to stop the lying when she is ready to. Addiction is a horrible thing, the best you can do is get help for yourself and the survivors of her destruction.
There is a forum here for Friends and Family of addicts, and Al/Narc-anon are always good choices too. You need to take care of yourself and her son before anything else.
Regarding your daughter, you hold all the cards legally and financially, and she's only going to stop the lying when she is ready to. Addiction is a horrible thing, the best you can do is get help for yourself and the survivors of her destruction.
There is a forum here for Friends and Family of addicts, and Al/Narc-anon are always good choices too. You need to take care of yourself and her son before anything else.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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I am fairly sure that she is trying to have an "in" with him as she knows where we stand on the rehab. Gives her a PLACE to go when she leaves......as she knows she won't be let to stay here after just 30 days.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
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OH and the BF was ordered to pay Child Support about 5 months and never paid any so very soon a warrant will be ordered for his arrest. (he got a letter about a month ago)
So IF I call CPS........will I have a hard time getting him back into my care? I am afraid that now that he is with the dad that is going to be very hard to do. The other grandmother lives about an hour away but would love nothing better than to get him into her care as that would mean her boy wouldn't have to pay support.
This entire thing is so MESSED up.......I had my GS since the week prior to my daughter entering rehab. Had him for 2.5 weeks and then she calls and says his dad is "CLEAN" and he can pick him up. He has lived in our HOME longer than not his entire life....she just flipped on this topic not 4 days ago
So IF I call CPS........will I have a hard time getting him back into my care? I am afraid that now that he is with the dad that is going to be very hard to do. The other grandmother lives about an hour away but would love nothing better than to get him into her care as that would mean her boy wouldn't have to pay support.
This entire thing is so MESSED up.......I had my GS since the week prior to my daughter entering rehab. Had him for 2.5 weeks and then she calls and says his dad is "CLEAN" and he can pick him up. He has lived in our HOME longer than not his entire life....she just flipped on this topic not 4 days ago
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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I am not certain what might happen exactly if you call CPS, but you can be assured of what will happen if you don't. It might not hurt to just give them a call and ask about what they can or cannot do, I believe you can even do that anonymously at first if you choose.
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