Compass1

I have been in and out of AA for the past year and a half now. I have never fully committed or gotten a sponsor. I try to stay sober on my own and it never lasts very long, I go about 2-4 weeks and then I drink and the cycle starts over. I am a binge drinker and I guess being able to go a few weeks without using helps me to justify to myself that I'm not an alcoholic. The truth is that once I have the first drink, I never know where the night is going to lead. I had an embarrassing blackout on Friday night and I am determined for it to be the last. Even though I have been to meetings in the past, they never felt quite right to me. I am very introverted and feel uncomfortable talking to strangers, especially a whole group of them. I just don't know how else I can maintain sobriety. Any advice on making the most of this meeting would be greatly appreciated. I still feel down and not quite myself since Friday night. Please help.

IOAA2

Hi. The suggestion I received in the beginning was to just listen and don't feel required to talk. That worked for me because what advice could I offer? As time went by I felt a bit more comfortable just saying my name instead of "I'll pass." It takes time to start changing. If you choose, become involved in the meeting, that opened me up and I started to look forward to meetings. It took time to get there and it will not be overnight that all good things will happen.
keep coming.

BE WELL

serious

sounds a lot like me. i can abstain for 4 weeks... and then go on a binge of epic proportions. thankfully these binges are much less frequent now-a-days

maybe you can read up on other recovery methods?
find a way to fill-up that space, which alcohol was trying to fill...
exercise, some kind of activity is always great.

least

I've been told to look for the similarities and not the differences between you and the people there. You don't have to say anything. Just listen and soak it all in.

freethinking

Sometimes (as someone newly sober) I really need to talk at a meeting - but that is rare. What really helps me is listening to other people, specifically at speaker meetings. Can you find a speaker meeting to go to? Where you can sit back and just relax and listen to someone else's story? Or maybe a beginner's meeting?

Compass1

The meeting I am thinking about going to tonight is a Beginner meeting. I feel vulnerable and off still from Friday night. All I want to do it stay in bed. Luckily I don't work on Monday's. I'm second guessing if I want to go tonight... I'm not in danger of drinking tonight and I feel like I am going to be uncomfortable at a meeting. Maybe I should go when I am feeling a bit more social. I am in an amazing rut right about now.

Threshold

Couple thought, meetings aren't only for when we think we might drink. What's more uncomfortable, sitting in a meeting, or another embarrassing black out and resulting consequences?

Meetings also aren't there for socializing. It's fine if we do that before or after, but the meeting is there to pass on a program of recovery. Like we go to the grocery store or Dr's office not to socialize, but it's nice if we have a pleasant conversation while we are there...we are there primarily to get something we need.

You can sit and listen, no pressure to wow anyone with a share.

Sometimes when we go to a meeting, we wonder if we are signing our lives away, when really it might be an opportunity for us to take our lives back.

Tamerua

That beginners meeting is just where you should be! It will help, you will feel loads better. Why not start to look for a sponsor now too?

FreeOwl

I went almost 6 months sober in AA a year and half or so back. Then I went right back down into the ditch even harder than ever when I decided I could manage it.

During that time, I went back to AA many times. Thinking I just needed a "reminder" or to "get myself straightened out a bit" or to "hear some of the stories of what could be".

I'd quit here and there for a few days or maybe a week or so, then be right back at it.

This time, I am back in and actually working the steps. Actively, doing a workbook for each one, spending time each day on my sobriety, having meditations and conversations of intent and request (dare I say, prayers?) with what I refer to as Spirit - simply that power I believe moves in all of us and all things.

This time, it feels a lot better. I go to a few meetings a week when I can, but at least one a week. I have a sponsor. I have a couple guys in the program I call from time to time. I have a few friends in town who also go to the tables.....

It's working.

I hope you find a new opening into committed, active sobriety. I really think it makes all the difference. It has for me, and I've seen dozens of other examples of the same; resistance, half-heartedness, not committing.... until we were finally ready to let go and commit to sobriety. All at different times and levels of despair.

I offer you my hope and intention that your own journey needn't require too downward a slide.

You can do it!