Amends
 

A step of recovery is making amends to the people you've hurt by addictive behaviour and using.

I'm kinda stuck here:

- in the last ten years ive moved ten times, i had several social media accounts plus ive deleted them all again and again. I dont know were to begin i lost all former contacts in my life. Loosing these actually helped me to get clean and stay clean.

- the more i learn about myself the more i come to the conclusion my addictions come from emotional abuse from childhood/teenage years. I was/am damaged and i subconsiously acted from that dark place in my mind. Why should i stop the chain of hurt and not my parents who damaged me? They will rather die then ever fix me. Can the chain of hurt be fixed by me even if the persons before me dont fix themselves?

I feel angry, very angry. Maybe im victimizing myself but i wasnt born this messed up, in the beginning i was just fine. I was MADE this way and from there i started my own chain of misery and pain...

Hi CC, I don't do AA, but I don't think you have to go back to everyone you've offended if you've lost contact long ago.
The bit about your parents is something different. You may have to accept that they will never realise what they did to you. It's not their job to 'fix' you, that's your responsibility. Think of it as you being the first person to break the chain if your parents aren't capable of it. That will heal you much more than anything they can do.
You know what's right and wrong, act as you would like others to act towards you.
Some therapy to deal with childhood abuse might help you put your childhood in perspective.

It is okay to be angry. However, at some point, you need to let the anger go. Or it will just eat you up and you can't move on.

Forgiveness is hard to give, however, in order for us to expect to be forgiven we have to also be willing to forgive. You don't have to tell the person, you can forgive them within yourself.

We can't always helps what happened to us, but we can control how we behave and the choices we make.

There are some amends we can make to people and there are some we can't. I have made amends to the immediate people I have hurt. I personally wouldn't worry about the ones I lost contact with as they are in the past and you have to ask yourself if will serve any real purpose?

I think making amends and forgiveness is about finding peace and contentment within yourself.

I would hold off on making any amends as you are most likely to cause more damage to yourself and others, sometimes you can't take back what you say either. Amends are step #9 in a twelve step process and come after an established recovery working with a sponsor with more experience to help guide you. You might want to consider joining AA or NA if you want to properly go through the steps and amends.

I would hold off on making any amends as you are most likely to cause ore damage to yourself and others

Totally agree xxx

I know im responsible for my own life.
What about my responsibility for others???

I really believe at this points i cant go back to fix the chaos.
Furthermore i still believe more harm is done to me then i did to others..
True or not im proberly not ready for the ninth step.
Im not in NA, i tried but my survival (work) is more required but i do work with a NA step-workbook.

Thank you all...

As already said by others who's opinions I've come to trust on SR, hold off on the 8th and 9th steps. Having a desire in early sobriety to even consider those steps is actually and awesome place to be. Most people feel as you do, yet many don't even want to consider ever doing most of the stuff suggested in the steps.

AA and the 12 steps heal, quite miraculously in my experience, yet it takes time and a little bit of effort. There is no doubt that people hurt you. People have done absolutely unforgiveable things to me. It took me a long time though to become willing to forgive and let that stuff go. But I eventually began to heal. People I thought I'd never forgive, who I hated for a long long time, I found 5 years into sobriety weren't even a blip on my resentment radar. The resentments and anger were literally lifted out of me, but it took an open mind and willingness on my part. Willingness that the 12 steps would change my life. And a mind open enough to take direction from the people around me.

If I were you I'd dive into meetings, find myself a sponsor I could relate to, and get involved in the first 3 steps. I felt fortunate that I came into AA with a belief in a HP (which wasn't a traditional god by the way), that I was willing to pray to. With only a little bit of faith that the prayer might actually do something, things started to change. I trusted I would be led to the right people and right experiences, and I'm quite certain 29 sober years later that I was. I had no real white light experiences, but over time I became a completely different person than the person who first walked into the rooms of AA.

Cut yourself some slack. It's totally ok and normal to feel all that you're feeling right now. If you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and trust that things will change and get better, they will. And don't pick up a drink, no matter what goes down or how you feel. :) Wishin you the best.

Luckily, our present and future happiness in life is not dependent upon someone from our past fixing us, or even apologizing. It's dependent upon us picking up our life and moving forward.

I had a seriously messed up childhood too. That's never going to change, but I don't have to have a messed up life because of it. I may 'walk with a limp', but it doesn't keep me from going places.

You can do it to.

I agree with others above who said it doesn't sound like "amends" time yet. It takes some time and understanding before we can recognize where an amends is needed and what an actual amends is.

Take some time to read here on the NA 12 step forum and the AA 12 step forum on how the steps are done. It would be great if you get a sponsor, even if it's an online sponsor to help you with this.

I'm glad you are here.

Forgiveness goes two ways. I've forgiven nearly everyone who has hurt me, knowing they did the best they could, and were in a tough space at the time. (ok there are a few lingerers, working on it)...

I'd rather see personal breakthrough in someone who has had a rough time of it, and have grown past their hurt & pain.

The past is the past.

How wonderful is it to see peace and joy in someone who has overcome?

I have no advice of my own, so I'm going to repeat what I heard at the last AA meeting I was at:

You don't necessarily have to actually make the amends, you just have to be WILLING to make the amends.

((HUG))