anonymick

I can't kick my drinks. I stop for a day or two, and then I'm right back to where I started. I feel worthless, like I have no will power, no control of myself. I know that this alcohol is killing me, messing with my head, making me sick. Still I can't stop. I've lied to everyone in my life about my situation, and still I drink. I've gained fifty pounds from this, and still I drink. I've risked losing my partner, my job, my sanity, and still I drink. I just don't know how much more of this I can take.

sugarbear1

search: AA city state

There IS a way out!

nicole100

Do you have access to AA, a counselor, or at least to a primary care physician? Is rehab an option? I was in the same situation just a month ago - I had gained 50 pounds, could barely go a day without drinking...and I KNEW it was a problem. BUT I didn't take action and it took me almost killing myself in a car accident to get the help I so desperately needed. Please take care of yourself. You do not have to go through this alone. We are all here for you---and if you can get some face-to-face support, you will be that much better off. Please don't wait till things come crashing down. (I am 22 days sober - so yes, it can be done!) Good luck and welcome.

Nuudawn

Although they're are many factors that contribute to problems with alcohol and addiction...for me much of it was my own core of unease, anxiety, low self worth, insecurity. Your title drew me to your post. Sobriety offered me the only opportunity to start getting to know myself and gaining sovereignty over my own being. I was a tyrant of a task master on myself..never good enough..nothing was enough and an absolute sadist in my ability to kick myself when down. Job 1 was learning to talk to myself with love and compassion...becoming a friend rather than an enemy of my self.

I am still a work in progress but learning to inhabit myself hospitably could not have been achieved without therapy. I know that previously drinking allowed me to escape my own cruel mind...it provided peaceful relief from the stress and anxiety of being me.

In order to gain mastery over addiction, you must gain mastery over yourself.

Quit hating yourself...please.

least

Drinking always made me feel like sh!t. Like I was worthless and a loser. But after I sobered up I didn't feel that way anymore. Stop the drinking and a lot of that will go away. I see a counselor and it helps a lot. Is that a possibility for you?

Nonsensical

Incorrect.
You just haven't yet.

I used to have feelings of worthlessness. My addiction used to whisper it to me all the time. It doesn't matter anyway. You don't matter anyway. Might as well drink and forget it for a while.

All lies.

It kept me hitting the bottle for years after I knew I should quit. Just what my addiction wanted - me believing its lies.

I have never felt more free, powerful, and valuable than I have since I quit listening to that liar. I can do anything.

So can you.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

TigerLili

Wow I could have written that post myself when i first came to SR.

There is definitely a way out. You absolutely can change. SR is a good place to start.

pickles999

try a detox,it

Dee74

Welcome back anonymick

for me it wasn't about willpower or weakness - a part of me wanted to drink, despite the consequences - simple fact.

I found much more traction in accepting that I was an alcoholic and accepting that I needed to change myself and my life in order to stay sober.

Apart from posting here, what other things have you tried to stay sober, Mick?

D

anonymick

Thank you for your responses, I really appreciate them. Luckily, I did not drink yesterday, but feel strong cravings to go home tonight and do so. Unfortunately, my work situation is pretty bad (I'm trying to find something, but the economy is still so bad) and all the negativity and anxiety just makes me want to reach for the wine bottle.

I have tried going to AA meetings several times. I got into it for awhile, but it just seems hard to keep up with. I'm always focusing on my drinking in AA, and after AA often I would just feel bad about myself. I didn't have a sponsor though, and maybe I just wasn't doing it right. :-D

If I don't think about my drinking I can often go several days without wanting anything, but then something will trigger me and before I know it I'm at the store buying a couple bottles. Then, the whole cycle starts over again.

I really don't have many friends, and that's part of why I drink too. I know I need to go out to AA meetings, but after having such a bad day at work, I only want to go home and sleep. I just don't feel like making changes.

But, I did make a list of how drinking affects me:


1 Causes me to gain weight

2 Makes my heart beat oddly

3 Bruises my gums

4 Makes me anxious and mentally ill

5 Causes me to miss work

6 Makes my skin look bad

7 Means I have to lie about it

8 I get sweaty, "hot" flashes

9 Causes insomnia, strange sleep schedule

10 Adding POISON to my body

11 Recovering from hangovers is painful

I'm hoping remembering this list might help me to stay sober...

Thanks for reading



Mick

MythOfSisyphus

I hope you can see the circular problem, Mick. Booze causes so many problems- but they we drink because we have problems! The economy is bad but getting sober will almost certainly improve your job prospects.

I hope that didn't come across as negative. If it was easy to quit no one would have a problem. AVRT helped me. Maybe it would work for you (and it's free, at least the basic program is free). If not AA has helped a lot of people, too.

FeelingGreat

Hi Mick, I went though the whole process of hating myself, wanting to stop but not able to, hating myself more. The fact you're thinking hard about it is a good sign, and so is joining SR.
It took me about a month from seeing a doctor about my drinking, to when I was finally ready to stop. I looked up a lot of stuff on the internet, got my doc to tell me how I was harming myself, made some plans about avoiding temptation. I was able to stop and haven't started since. The way you feel in the morning is worth all of it.

sugarbear1

The meetings help us find a sponsor.

Working the steps helps us to change our perspective and outlook.

Healing takes time, which is why we get back to meetings, to talk with others who have been where we are.

SR helps, too!!!

Ruby2

Maybe go to AA meetings without the expectation that you will immediately feel the compulsion to drink immediately lifted? For the time being go with the thought that here is a safe haven and one hour respite from drinking.

When I started going I often would be sitting there so tightly wound up in my misery that I didn't listen and couldn't hear what people had to say. I was listening to my own misery and not the hope of what was offered. I would get frustrated that it wasn't working and not go. Eventually it started to sink in. Don't worry at first that you aren't doing it right. Why add this to the list of things that you can't do right? I still sometimes feel like I don't make sense when I talk. That I sound like a blithering idiot but I still go.

It can be done. Baby steps.

Ruby2

And I want to amend part of that. Why add to the list of things that, at this moment, you only feel you can't do right?. At this moment. It isn't a permanent thing and sobriety, like learning to tie shoes, gets easier the longer you practice it.

Dee74

The thing is - by the time I quit, my trigger was everything and my answer to every problem was booze.

Getting off booze is difficult, frustrating and uncomfortable - which makes us crave booze...

we feel down on ourselves cos we can't stay sober...we feel weak and worthless - which makes us crave booze...

it's quite a bind.

Get as much support as you can Mick. Early recovery is not fun - but it is a finite amount of time.

if you can get through it, you'll break the cycle

D