James18

I'm really disappointed in myself for drinking last night. Woke up on the floor in my mom's after a 12 hour bender. My clothes are in the washing machine for reasons best left unsaid and I feel like hell. I didn't even enjoy myself, I never do when I drink. I'm so sick of myself.

keithurbanfan

Hi James...

Pick yourself up and start over, having learned from your mistake. You can do it! We've all been there.

KateL

Yes, just keep trying, James. You will get there because you want to xxxx

Ghostlight1

Sorry you drank. Just remember how you feel now the next time you want to drink and don't take the first drink.
Hope you feel better soon, and don't be too hard on yourself. I tried and failed many time.

PurpleKnight

I've been there James, feeling disappointed after slipping, but nothing for it only to go again and you'll get there!!

Oldselfagain

James it happens, it's over and done with so nothing gained from beating yourself up over it. Instead learn something from what happened. Glad you're already back and posting about it.

soberclover

It isn't a pleasant feeling is it? Something isn't working. Do you know why you drank? Perhaps adding another layer of recovery might work such as counseling.....counseling is great for me as it gives me another perspective that I might not have considered.

ScottFromWI

Do you think it's time to get serious about a plan James? You have the choice to end this now if you like.

James18

Yes it is time to get serious. This can't go on any more. I'm starting to get worried about doing myself some permanent damage or screwing things up that I can't fix.

ReadyAtLast

Maybe look at doing something you've not done before James-whether it's AA,RR,SMART, therapy, detox, anything just something. Fundamentally whatever you use though has to come from within you-you have to want to be sober more than you want to keep drinking anymore.

MariahGayle

(((hugs)) James....Just move forward one day at a time

Aellyce

Hi James,

That sounds familiar to me from not so distant past before early January this year... many many more times than I would like to count. My first serious attempt to get sober also came from the thought that I can't delude myself anymore and will sooner or later end up with probably a variety of permanent damages and losses that I will regret forever... For me scaring myself like that in very acute ways really helped to get more serious. For many years I would not go further than max 2 days sober, but more often just one or none. Now I am still afraid and sometimes anticipate slipping or failing completely, but somehow I feel even if that happens, I'll always remember the past month of seriously trying and that will probably be helpful to stay prepared. It's also very inspiring to read all the longer term recovery stories here on SR - before often I felt very hopeless, but now I try to trust what so many says here. Agree with everyone that making plans is essential. Don't worry much if one plan is not effective, just keep trying!

James18

I really need to try something else, because what I'm doing at the moment clearly isn't working. What's more it's making me miserable and every time I drink there are problems. I've been viewing stopping drinking as a kind of personal challenge like going on a diet or something. I need to start viewing it differently and taking it a lot more seriously.

Mountainmanbob

for some
that makes for a new sober beginning

Mountainman

ScottFromWI

What exactly are you doing at the moment? Not asking to call you out bit perhaps you can get some suggestions to help improve it. At one point you were going to see a doc and also try AA, did either of those help?

James18

I don't really know what I'm doing other than just trying not to drink. I seem to have figured out a few triggers (boredom and hunger being two big ones) and I'm trying to avoid certain people. That is not a solution though seeing as I'm not a hermit! To a certain extent I'm drinking for other people, not wanting to be the 'boring' one. I need to be more assertive about not drinking. I've bought the rational recovery book too which has been sat on the shelf gathering dust up to press. I will make an effort to read that.

I did see the doc but I don't think I stressed the point enough about needing to stop drinking for good and how much trouble I'm having doing it. I'm having a hard time admitting it to myself too. I want to be able to do it on my own but I'm beginning to see that's not going to happen.

least

As others have told me: forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again.

ForeverANewGuy

It sounds to me that you have a better understanding of what not to do. For me it's always a great start. Lately I have been stressing myself out by trying to take incorporate too many suggestions I hear in AA meetings. I hope you get better. Thank you for posting.

Skye2

Hang in there James - one day it will click into place

James18

Thanks. I hope you're right. I'm having a horrible day today and really don't want any more.