Introduction
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 83
Introduction
Hello, I found this forum through the recommendation of someone on another forum (non-related) I belong to.
I never really considered myself an alcoholic, but I took my last drink on Christmas. I've been drinking ever since I was in college (never drank before that) and am now 44 years old. My father is an alcoholic. He wasn't an alcoholic (at least, not that I recognized) until maybe 15 years ago - I actually don't even really remember him drinking when I was growing up, except for perhaps a beer here and there. He is in poor health with myriad serious issues, and has been told by all of his doctors that he shouldn't drink, but of course he does.
Beer and wine were my alcohols of choice. I found beer easier to regulate because it made me feel fuller, wine tasted so good that I would just want more and more. I liked how alcohol helped me fall asleep, but then I'd wake up in the middle of the night to pee, couldn't get back to sleep, feel bloated with a stomach ache, and say that I wouldn't do it anymore. But then I'd do it all over again.
I doubt anyone would have called me an alcoholic. I never seemed to get out of control, I think I appear to have my act together, I taught yoga, drinking didn't affect my work or my hobbies or my friendships or my relationships. But I just didn't want to do it anymore. And spending time with my parents over the holidays I suppose showed me what could possibly lie ahead for me if I continued, kind of like the ghost of Christmas future.
The day after Christmas I woke up and that was it. I didn't want to drink anymore, and haven't. I wondered what NYE would be like, or various dinner party engagements that I had, or the family vacation that is usually a beer- and wine-fest. It hasn't been hard. It is like there was some divine intervention that swooped in and took away my interest in drinking. I've been out to dinner, to dinner parties, on the family vacation, at home with DH and alone (with beer in the kitchen fridge and wine in the wine fridge) and nary an interest. I count myself lucky. I was able to quit smoking the same way in 1998.
My father is a happy drunk who drinks copious amounts of alcohol until passing out (perhaps at the dinner table or on the couch or at the kitchen counter . . . wherever the "party" is) - there's no yelling or hitting or violent behavior, although some of the comments that might come out are annoying/mildly hurtful. I'm pretty sure that he never gets hangovers because the next morning it is as if nothing happened! If I drank that much, I swear I'd be dead! He is VERY high functioning so it does not affect his professional life, that I know of - just family, and just me at that. Nobody else either seems to notice or care. For me, it has gotten to the point where I just cannot even look at him anymore without feeling sad and mad at the drinking. I see all of the pain and sadness and loneliness and depression right on his face and I just can't deal with it. I know that it is out of his control, it is out of my control, and there's nothing I can do about it. But I still don't want to be around it.
I've read through a few of the forums and will likely be asking a lot of questions about what to do to keep myself protected, sane, mentally-spiritually-psychologically safe. Any suggestions are welcome!
I never really considered myself an alcoholic, but I took my last drink on Christmas. I've been drinking ever since I was in college (never drank before that) and am now 44 years old. My father is an alcoholic. He wasn't an alcoholic (at least, not that I recognized) until maybe 15 years ago - I actually don't even really remember him drinking when I was growing up, except for perhaps a beer here and there. He is in poor health with myriad serious issues, and has been told by all of his doctors that he shouldn't drink, but of course he does.
Beer and wine were my alcohols of choice. I found beer easier to regulate because it made me feel fuller, wine tasted so good that I would just want more and more. I liked how alcohol helped me fall asleep, but then I'd wake up in the middle of the night to pee, couldn't get back to sleep, feel bloated with a stomach ache, and say that I wouldn't do it anymore. But then I'd do it all over again.
I doubt anyone would have called me an alcoholic. I never seemed to get out of control, I think I appear to have my act together, I taught yoga, drinking didn't affect my work or my hobbies or my friendships or my relationships. But I just didn't want to do it anymore. And spending time with my parents over the holidays I suppose showed me what could possibly lie ahead for me if I continued, kind of like the ghost of Christmas future.
The day after Christmas I woke up and that was it. I didn't want to drink anymore, and haven't. I wondered what NYE would be like, or various dinner party engagements that I had, or the family vacation that is usually a beer- and wine-fest. It hasn't been hard. It is like there was some divine intervention that swooped in and took away my interest in drinking. I've been out to dinner, to dinner parties, on the family vacation, at home with DH and alone (with beer in the kitchen fridge and wine in the wine fridge) and nary an interest. I count myself lucky. I was able to quit smoking the same way in 1998.
My father is a happy drunk who drinks copious amounts of alcohol until passing out (perhaps at the dinner table or on the couch or at the kitchen counter . . . wherever the "party" is) - there's no yelling or hitting or violent behavior, although some of the comments that might come out are annoying/mildly hurtful. I'm pretty sure that he never gets hangovers because the next morning it is as if nothing happened! If I drank that much, I swear I'd be dead! He is VERY high functioning so it does not affect his professional life, that I know of - just family, and just me at that. Nobody else either seems to notice or care. For me, it has gotten to the point where I just cannot even look at him anymore without feeling sad and mad at the drinking. I see all of the pain and sadness and loneliness and depression right on his face and I just can't deal with it. I know that it is out of his control, it is out of my control, and there's nothing I can do about it. But I still don't want to be around it.
I've read through a few of the forums and will likely be asking a lot of questions about what to do to keep myself protected, sane, mentally-spiritually-psychologically safe. Any suggestions are welcome!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Welcome AuntieSoso 
I'm glad to hear things have been pretty good for you - thats great
Sorry to hear about your Dad tho.
You'll find a lot of support and understanding here from folks at all points in the recovery journey, and people who've had to deal with their loved ones drinking problems too.
I'm glad you've found us
D
I'm glad to hear things have been pretty good for you - thats great
Sorry to hear about your Dad tho.
You'll find a lot of support and understanding here from folks at all points in the recovery journey, and people who've had to deal with their loved ones drinking problems too.
I'm glad you've found us
D
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Congrats on your sober time. It's unfortunate about your dad, but unless he wants help there isn't much you can do. You say he is a happy drunk but you see sadness in his face so I presume he can't be totally happy with himself. I understand your concern but you have to take care of yourself. xxxxx
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Hi AuntieSoso.
My dad drank like that also. Handles and handles of gin. He'd buy them by the case. He was so high functioning it was ridiculous. When I lived at home I remember thinking I would be in the hospital if I drank like that. He, too, would pass out at the kitchen table on the crossword puzzle. I didn't know, at the time, that he was so very sick. I looked up to him so much but the truth was, he was jut like me. An alcoholic. I think I just came to terms with that in the last few months. And he has been gone for 14 years.
A warm welcome to you. This place is an absolute Lighthouse amidst the challenging waters of maintaining sobriety. I consider myself a thousand times blessed for having stumbled onto SR during of moment of total desperation.
Look forward to hearing more shares and to walking together on this journey.
My dad drank like that also. Handles and handles of gin. He'd buy them by the case. He was so high functioning it was ridiculous. When I lived at home I remember thinking I would be in the hospital if I drank like that. He, too, would pass out at the kitchen table on the crossword puzzle. I didn't know, at the time, that he was so very sick. I looked up to him so much but the truth was, he was jut like me. An alcoholic. I think I just came to terms with that in the last few months. And he has been gone for 14 years.
A warm welcome to you. This place is an absolute Lighthouse amidst the challenging waters of maintaining sobriety. I consider myself a thousand times blessed for having stumbled onto SR during of moment of total desperation.
Look forward to hearing more shares and to walking together on this journey.
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