Betterlife1

Day 20 today. Going well, almost too well! Working this sobriety thing pretty hard in the form of listening to audiobooks (Allen Carr/Craig Beck), reading SR posts, practicing AVRT, eating healthy and exercising. Until today, I haven't told anyone about my sobriety except my sister (she is another struggling problem drinker). So my wife tells me we are going to our friends tonight for family game night. I decide to tell her that I have not been drinking for almost three weeks, and will not be tonight. She responds, with "oh, you're gonna be a lot of fun" in a half kidding/half serious tone. Now before you start thinking my wife is this unsupportive or bad person. She is really not. She is a very "normal" drinker who maybe has 2-4 glasses of wine per week, and can go weeks without anything without thinking twice about it. She is also very supportive of anything and everything I do. In her defense, I am also very impulsive with new diets, exercise regimens, etc.. So she probably thinks this is just another one of my short-lived ventures.

So here's where the problem is. Maybe 2 minutes later, my AV (or as I call him "the little f'er") comes on way strong!! Stronger than ever! I started really questioning my need for sobriety and my ability to keep it up in the future. Now I've heard from my AV on occasions in the last few weeks, but this was the strongest and toughest to shake off! Threw me a real curve ball and made me feel real crappy! I literally felt nervous and anxious. It took some time, but I did get past it and slapped him down! After that, I felt better and mentally recommitted to what I am doing here.

Moving forward, I must remember "the little f'er" is always hiding and lurking, waiting for the opportunity to trip me up! I AM stronger than him!! I will remember to recognize what he is trying to do. I will always continue to remember how bad drinking makes me feel, and how great I feel not drinking!! Tonight and the next two Saturday's may be tough for me since I have events that I would usually drink at. My guard will be up and I'll be ready for him, and I know one day he'll be dead!!……As always thanks for listening!

Dee74

Hi Betterlife

It's hard for others to understand addiction sometimes. My family didn't understand either - but they saw I was healthier and happier and noone can argue with that.

I'm glad your wife is loving caring and supportive

Your 'AV' will use any moment of self doubt tho - however fleeting...it doesn't care if the emotion is fair or not either.

Keep swatting at it

D

Betterlife1

Thanks Dee!!!

least

With more sober time that voice will get fainter and fainter until you can't hear it at all.

Kris47

Just wanted to wish you very good luck and smarts. I know you won't disappoint yourself.

MariahGayle

Thanks for that post Betterlife...the little f'er.....I have been working on a name for mine...really need to do that. Your resolve is inspirational to me.

Bruce292

I've found that sobriety takes a lot of effort. Keep working at it and don't let that bit of doubt take hold. 20 days!!!