So sick and tired of being an alcoholic
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
you don't have to keep on this crazy, awful, desperate merry-go-round of despair.
Life is a LOT better over here on the sober side, it really, truly is!!!
I hope you'll come give it a shot and find out for yourself.
Welcome
Life is a LOT better over here on the sober side, it really, truly is!!!
I hope you'll come give it a shot and find out for yourself.
Welcome
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 43
Hey. So, years later, I've found this thread again. I had no success in quitting since 2014. I had a bit of a burnout in late 2016, and quit drinking for five days. I didn't get DTs properly - I was lucky I guess as it's about two thirds of a bottle of vodka a day for the last few years - but I couldn't sleep for the first three and a half nights, and then, went right back on it after the novelty of quitting wore off.
Since then, I have not gone a single day without drinking. I drink enough to send me to sleep. I may have a drink in the morning, but, when I'm working it's not so important. But my work is completely affected as I'm going in - not even hungover - but still drunk from the night before. I'm sure people must notice, but nobody even says that they can smell alcohol. So , in my head, I think I'm getting away with it, :/
My job has me moving a lot. So, I could pack up everything and move once a week. Do that while drunk, you lose things. I'm sick of losing things!
My motivation to quit is gone a long time. I'm unhappy because the bits of life that I once could hold together are slipping. I'll forget conversations, leave things behind on a bus, and make the wrong decisions, stop caring, be narky.
I don't want to quit - I'm really not sure what to do - just not quit I guess. I used to fight myself every day to not buy drink, but I'm not fighting that anymore. I'm now 32, and the days when I could get away with drinking and looking ok are gone. If I could hide myself in a room and drink and smoke until I pass away peacefully with nobody caring, that would be awesome. But, we can't all win the Lotto like that.
I feel like I have to keep myself going on for my parents and my very amazing boyfriend (who knows I like to drink, but hasn't perhaps realised the extent of it - he would have noticed me drinking some mornings - but who knows how to deal with that sometimes..). We're in a long distance relationship which helps with the hiding of things.
Ah - I'll leave it there for the moment. My thoughts are all over the place (even if I was sober).
Since then, I have not gone a single day without drinking. I drink enough to send me to sleep. I may have a drink in the morning, but, when I'm working it's not so important. But my work is completely affected as I'm going in - not even hungover - but still drunk from the night before. I'm sure people must notice, but nobody even says that they can smell alcohol. So , in my head, I think I'm getting away with it, :/
My job has me moving a lot. So, I could pack up everything and move once a week. Do that while drunk, you lose things. I'm sick of losing things!
My motivation to quit is gone a long time. I'm unhappy because the bits of life that I once could hold together are slipping. I'll forget conversations, leave things behind on a bus, and make the wrong decisions, stop caring, be narky.
I don't want to quit - I'm really not sure what to do - just not quit I guess. I used to fight myself every day to not buy drink, but I'm not fighting that anymore. I'm now 32, and the days when I could get away with drinking and looking ok are gone. If I could hide myself in a room and drink and smoke until I pass away peacefully with nobody caring, that would be awesome. But, we can't all win the Lotto like that.
I feel like I have to keep myself going on for my parents and my very amazing boyfriend (who knows I like to drink, but hasn't perhaps realised the extent of it - he would have noticed me drinking some mornings - but who knows how to deal with that sometimes..). We're in a long distance relationship which helps with the hiding of things.
Ah - I'll leave it there for the moment. My thoughts are all over the place (even if I was sober).
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
so, four years on and it's getting worse.
I think you need professional help. You still have a job, do you have insurance? How about a Human Resources or insurance rep? If you don't get a grip on this it's going to kill you sooner rather than later.
I know, I recognize the "I guess I'll just drink myself to death, that's fine," thing. I thought that too. I really feel for you in this dark place that you feel there is no way out of.
Sobriety is available to you today. It is so worth it, you are worth it.
Can you go to an Urgent Care tonight and get some advice about detoxing? It's time. A few days of medication (you probably don't have to check in) and your new life will be there waiting for you.
I think you need professional help. You still have a job, do you have insurance? How about a Human Resources or insurance rep? If you don't get a grip on this it's going to kill you sooner rather than later.
I know, I recognize the "I guess I'll just drink myself to death, that's fine," thing. I thought that too. I really feel for you in this dark place that you feel there is no way out of.
Sobriety is available to you today. It is so worth it, you are worth it.
Can you go to an Urgent Care tonight and get some advice about detoxing? It's time. A few days of medication (you probably don't have to check in) and your new life will be there waiting for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 43
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
so, four years on and it's getting worse.
I think you need professional help. You still have a job, do you have insurance? How about a Human Resources or insurance rep? If you don't get a grip on this it's going to kill you sooner rather than later.
I know, I recognize the "I guess I'll just drink myself to death, that's fine," thing. I thought that too. I really feel for you in this dark place that you feel there is no way out of.
Sobriety is available to you today. It is so worth it, you are worth it.
Can you go to an Urgent Care tonight and get some advice about detoxing? It's time. A few days of medication (you probably don't have to check in) and your new life will be there waiting for you.
I think you need professional help. You still have a job, do you have insurance? How about a Human Resources or insurance rep? If you don't get a grip on this it's going to kill you sooner rather than later.
I know, I recognize the "I guess I'll just drink myself to death, that's fine," thing. I thought that too. I really feel for you in this dark place that you feel there is no way out of.
Sobriety is available to you today. It is so worth it, you are worth it.
Can you go to an Urgent Care tonight and get some advice about detoxing? It's time. A few days of medication (you probably don't have to check in) and your new life will be there waiting for you.
Thanks for your message - I'm in Europe, and realised the time difference after I posted. May go to bed soon, at least with a little less drink in me than usual.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
It's 3PM here on the west coast of the US.
I think you do want to quit - at least part of you does, or you wouldn't be posting.
I really think you deserve a better life, ya know? You can quit. If I could do it, you can too.
I think you do want to quit - at least part of you does, or you wouldn't be posting.
I really think you deserve a better life, ya know? You can quit. If I could do it, you can too.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Hi jjk - I'm glad you came back to talk about what's going on.
I remember feeling very much the way you describe. I knew in my 20's I didn't drink like others. It was fun for a long time - but somewhere I crossed over from social to alcoholic drinking. I kept trying to use willpower to moderate - never once did it work. As a result, just before joining SR I was drinking 'round the clock - 2 dui's, a ruined life. I promise you it was not worth it - all the pain I caused myself and others - just to hold on to the drinking life. I have no idea what I was thinking. You can prevent this - you already know what needs to happen - please take action. We care about you - you're never alone.
I remember feeling very much the way you describe. I knew in my 20's I didn't drink like others. It was fun for a long time - but somewhere I crossed over from social to alcoholic drinking. I kept trying to use willpower to moderate - never once did it work. As a result, just before joining SR I was drinking 'round the clock - 2 dui's, a ruined life. I promise you it was not worth it - all the pain I caused myself and others - just to hold on to the drinking life. I have no idea what I was thinking. You can prevent this - you already know what needs to happen - please take action. We care about you - you're never alone.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,701
Hi, again. Like it was mentioned you wouldn't be posting here if you didn't know that you have a serious problem. You need to get a medical detox. Go to an Emergency Care and tell them what you said on your post. They will know that you are headed for serious trouble. Please listen to us. Get someone to take you before it is too late.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 328
Glad you returned to this site, sorry for how your feeling at the moment.
From what I read at least on some level you do want to stop drinking, maybe just apprehensive or frightened of what that might look like or entail?
This drinking game gets worse, no exceptions.
You are still young and deserve a better life than this.
Fast forward the next 4 years and what sort of post will you be writing then if still drinking?
All of our “luck” runs out eventually. Don’t shoot craps with your life.
Wishing you the best and sincerely hope you join us in sobriety, lots of help and advice here.
From what I read at least on some level you do want to stop drinking, maybe just apprehensive or frightened of what that might look like or entail?
This drinking game gets worse, no exceptions.
You are still young and deserve a better life than this.
Fast forward the next 4 years and what sort of post will you be writing then if still drinking?
All of our “luck” runs out eventually. Don’t shoot craps with your life.
Wishing you the best and sincerely hope you join us in sobriety, lots of help and advice here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 171
jj, I was like you. I hid it well. No one knew, and that has been quite a difficult thing about my recovery tbh. When I tell people I have stopped drinking because I was drinking more than was good for me, everyone is surprised. Comments like "but you were hardly an alcoholic" are common. I smile and say, it was time for a break. They don't need to know more than that.
When I first found this site, I thought I *could* just take a break. I didn't think I was like everyone else here. I didn't think I that needed to quit forever. I understand differently now.
The only thing that will make you stop is you. The thing that just might help you stay stopped is the support you'll find here. Welcome.
When I first found this site, I thought I *could* just take a break. I didn't think I was like everyone else here. I didn't think I that needed to quit forever. I understand differently now.
The only thing that will make you stop is you. The thing that just might help you stay stopped is the support you'll find here. Welcome.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Hi and welcoem back 
I don't think your motivation to it is gone big time - something and you come back find this thread and post.
Obviously something has to give - don't let it be you.
Maybe write up all the things you might do now - from posting here regularly to AA or some other meeting based group, to seeing your Dr or a counsellor - everything up to inpatient or outpatient rehab.
Think about the things you're prepared to do from that list.
Thats a starting point
D
I don't think your motivation to it is gone big time - something and you come back find this thread and post.
Obviously something has to give - don't let it be you.
Maybe write up all the things you might do now - from posting here regularly to AA or some other meeting based group, to seeing your Dr or a counsellor - everything up to inpatient or outpatient rehab.
Think about the things you're prepared to do from that list.
Thats a starting point
D
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