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Need advice on handling detox and rehab?

Old 06-21-2004, 03:27 PM
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Location: Altus OK
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Need advice on handling detox and rehab?

My wife is currently enrolled in a rehab/detox program in Texas. The only advice that the hospital is giving me is to let her do her own thing. But I need more info. Everything is a big argument. I stopped her from cleaning house and driving but she continues harass me about it. The reason I stopped her was because she admitted that house cleaning was a trigger to use more pain meds and the driving because she cant stay awake more then 10 minutes when she gets in a vehicle. When she got out after her first ten days and put into a partial program that was all she would do was start arguments about cleaning houses and driving. She readmitted 2 days later because she wasn't getting any support at home. Last saturday she called me to bring some of her meds that the hospital didnt have. When I got there the meds were there and when I explained it to her she just erupted. I drove 3hrs to see her and got a non-stop arse chewing for 30 minutes because that was all I could take. I left. Ive read alot on detaching and not quite sure "HOW"? I dont have a NARC-ANON but do have ALANON in the area do you think they can help? I'm 1.5 years from retiring from the military and I have 2 teenage sons in high school and I really do love my wife but not sure if I'm going to be able to handle all the arguing and acquisations(sp). I sure as heck don't want to put my sons through this. Thanks for letting me vent.
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Old 06-21-2004, 03:38 PM
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Hi Tebo and welcome to Sober Recovery. I'm glad you found us.
Alanon meetings would probably be very helpful to you right now.
There are also Alanon and Naranon forums here at Sober Recovery.
Check them out, you will find a lot of people who understand what you're going through.
Post rehab is a very difficult time for the addict and their loved ones.
The best thing you can do is to seek out all the help and support that you can get for you.
Gabe
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Old 06-21-2004, 03:53 PM
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Hi Tebo

My name is Talia and I'm an alcoholic. I wanted to welcome you to SR and say hi. Although I've never been in your situation before, I do know that Gabe gave you some excellant suggestions. I'd erge you to check them out. Being able to share with other's experiencing the same situations, is a great comfort. Good luck to you and your family and hope you continue to share.
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Old 06-21-2004, 04:14 PM
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Hi there, I can only tell you my experience. My name is Becky. I have been addicted to pain meds for 3 1/2 years, and have been off them for 18 days. My husband has been through it all. I can tell you that he has driven me to detox/ treatment many times. He drops me off and says good-bye, and I would talk to him about once a day on the phone. He did not visit me, he did not bring me anything I needed. He was supportive int he way that he did take me, drop me off, try to be as understanding as he could, but he knows that it is only me that can make the decision to either get help, or not. When I would be using them again, he knew, but he did not say anything to me about it. Again, that was my decision. It has taken me quite a few times at detox, to finally really reach out for help from AA- NA. I also agree that you contact alanon, or call your local help line if you have one and tell them, they may have more info. on meetings and such. Good luck to you, this is a great supportive group of people here at sober recovery, they have boards you may be interested in. Many people have been through what you are going through, and will help you.... Good Luck, and God Bless----- Keep us posted.... Becky
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Old 06-21-2004, 04:58 PM
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Maybe she needs to hear some of the positive results of her recovery from you? It is easy to slip into the mode of being someone who says nothing but what she is not supposed to be doing. People in early recovery are like young teenagers: the more you tell them what not to do, the more they do just that. I can imagine what a burden this is on you, but she is going to be who she is going to be. All you can do is be supportive without being too critical. Unfortunately, she is not going to be what you need her to be for your family for a while. Sometimes, thinking of a recovering addicts condition as being something else can change your perspective. For instance, if you thought of it as the flu or a bad cold or some female illness, you might be able to empathize with what she is going through a little better. You "detach" the way a parent detaches from a child and simply guide the child by reward and encouragement.

Sometimes it may seem like your burden is greater than hers. At these times it would be in your best interests to seek support in Al-Anon or Narc-Anon. Good luck.
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Old 06-21-2004, 05:01 PM
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Welcome Tebo,

As Gabe said check out the NarAnon and AlAnon forums here at SR. You can get a lot of support and understanding there.

Anna
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