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what if i'm not. . .

Old 02-07-2014, 05:11 AM
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what if i'm not. . .

Hi all!! I have been fighting such a battle with myself. There are times when I am not convinced I am an alcoholic. Yes I am sure you have all heard this before . . .but I have been able to do one and done. Through the holidays I had a drink or two . . . Nothing escalated. I hear the stories of progression on this website and it scares the crap out of me. I'm not really even sure why i am posting. I am tired of thinking about it, tired of labeling myself etc. Have you all struggled with this question or have you just accepted that you cannot drink? I guess the realization is why do I WANT to be able to drink every now and then? Why is it so important? Sorry I am really rambling this morning but like I said I'm just tired of the battle.
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:14 AM
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I can't moderate, it would always escalate xxx
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:17 AM
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I guess in my case, it's very obvious that I have a problem, so over the past couple of years it was very clear that I was addicted to alcohol. Leading up to that point, though, I suppose I may have subconsciously convinced myself that I may not have had much of a problem, but as you said, the escalation bit is what really gets you. I guess we don't really have to worry too much about labels, I mean, it doesn't matter what we call it. If you feel that alcohol is having a negative affect on your life, if you don't believe you can control it (if you are completely honest with yourself), then it might be time to look at removing it from the equation completely.

Good luck with whatever you decide. But of course, there must have been a reason you started posting to this site in the first place. Most people who do not have issues with alcohol wouldn't necessarily seek out a forum like this, so that is something else to think about.
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:20 AM
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Can you live without drinking?
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:22 AM
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Hi. I would guess that for all the alcoholics there are about the same number of people that have different views of their drinking at one time or another. The view I have of myself without using certain words is that I can not drink in safety. I remember that this disease is cunning, powerful and insidious. If I have a drink today, the first one, and don't have another one for a week or two my thinking would be "I'm OK now." I'm on the downward spiral with my alcoholism and I don't have another recovery.

BE WELL
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:24 AM
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Originally Posted by sugarbear1 View Post
Can you live without drinking?
I can and I wish I could just leave it.
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:26 AM
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Originally Posted by IOAA2 View Post
Hi. I would guess that for all the alcoholics there are about the same number of people that have different views of their drinking at one time or another. The view I have of myself without using certain words is that I can not drink in safety. I remember that this disease is cunning, powerful and insidious. If I have a drink today, the first one, and don't have another one for a week or two my thinking would be "I'm OK now." I'm on the downward spiral with my alcoholism and I don't have another recovery.

BE WELL

Yes! I think since I can go for a few weeks without then I'm ok!!
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:28 AM
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Sobriety was more like the road to Damascus for me. I was walking in one direction, got slapped in the face with some bad news, which was the result of my drunkenness, simply said "I'm done", and never looked back. That was eighteen months ago.

The one piece of advice I would give you would be this. Let's say you start drinking again without regret...Now fast forward the movie.
How does it end?

If it ends badly, that's all you need to know.
Good luck and God Bless
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:34 AM
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Originally Posted by newme2day View Post
Hi all!! I have been fighting such a battle with myself. There are times when I am not convinced I am an alcoholic. Yes I am sure you have all heard this before . . .but I have been able to do one and done. Through the holidays I had a drink or two . . . Nothing escalated. I hear the stories of progression on this website and it scares the crap out of me. I'm not really even sure why i am posting. I am tired of thinking about it, tired of labeling myself etc. Have you all struggled with this question or have you just accepted that you cannot drink? I guess the realization is why do I WANT to be able to drink every now and then? Why is it so important? Sorry I am really rambling this morning but like I said I'm just tired of the battle.
You described how at times you can go "one and done"...but you didn't explain the OTHER side of it. What has happened in the past on the negative that has caused this "battle"? Talk about times when you drank too much. How much,....what...when...and what happened?
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:38 AM
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Originally Posted by ErikT View Post
You described how at times you can go "one and done"...but you didn't explain the OTHER side of it. What has happened in the past on the negative that has caused this "battle"? Talk about times when you drank too much. How much,....what...when...and what happened?

Blackouts . . .hangovers . . .saying and doing things better kept to myself . . .I am guessing normal drinkers don't experience this?! I guess I have been trying to glorify it and conveniently forgetting all the bad. . .
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:40 AM
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Originally Posted by newme2day View Post
Hi all!! I have been fighting such a battle with myself. There are times when I am not convinced I am an alcoholic. Yes I am sure you have all heard this before . . .
Have you examined this question in light of AA pamphlets that talk about alcoholism and AA? You can go to Alcoholics Anonymous : Pamphlets and look at appropriate pamphlets. Click on one that seems useful, it opens in a new browser tab or window, click on the image again and it downloads as a PDF.
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:42 AM
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Originally Posted by newme2day View Post
Blackouts . . .hangovers . . .saying and doing things better kept to myself . . .I am guessing normal drinkers don't experience this?! I guess I have been trying to glorify it and conveniently forgetting all the bad. . .
I think as alcohol addicts - even when we don't necessarily intend to - tend to understate the significance and severity of these symptoms because it has been happening so often over an often large number of years. I mean, over the few years before I stopped drinking, it had gotten to a point where I would black out almost every time I drink. A blackout is a severe, and very significant thing! It's a temporary form of brain damage. If we had experienced a blackout from a non-drinking activity, we would be shocked. For example, if I went to the mall earlier today to buy some sneakers, and I was sober while doing so... and all of a sudden tomorrow morning I woke up and couldn't remember doing this... I would probably be in a psychiatric ward by tomorrow night. But because it is alcohol induced, we tend to brush it off a little bit more. It's insane.
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:44 AM
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you took the words right out of my mouth. I think that if I DIDNT have a drinking problem I wouldn't be having this dialogue in my head. Normal drinkers don't think about it. period.
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:48 AM
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"I guess the realization is why do I WANT to be able to drink every now and then? Why is it so important?"
heres something I read in a book:
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.


there was a time, waaaay back some time ago, that I truly wanted to control my drinking.
I already had the symptoms of alcoholism, but was in denial about it. then I crossed the line into full blown alcoholism.I no longer cared if I controlled it and no longer had a choice. alcoholism controlled me.

then I got into recovery. the thoughts of "maybe im not an alcoholic. maybe I can control it" would come up. what a blessing to not have completely destroyed my memory! I was able to look back on my past and see what a lie that was!
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:49 AM
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Originally Posted by newme2day View Post
I can and I wish I could just leave it.
If you can't just leave it, then there may be a problem. No wishing involved when it comes to not having a problem. Blackouts usually don't happen to the normal drinkers.

Do you think you have a problem?
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:59 AM
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The whole recovery thing or staying sober
a day at a time, way at the beginning of my
recovery didn't make a bit of sense to me.

As much as I tried to understand the concept
of following a program of recovery, I just didn't
understand it.

Then I just stop fighting it all. I went through
the motions for a long time until oneday a light
bulb went off in my head and then I realized all
I had to do was accept that I was an alcoholic,
with an addiction to it, and that I never could
drink successfully no matter how much I tried
to control it.

Once I accepted that fact, the rest was easy.
Just follow what many have successfully done
to remain sober each and everyday that they
have and still live today.

Don't figure it all out today. If you are like me
in anyway, then living and learning a life in
recovery is a lifelong journey with many wonderful
gifts to enjoy along the way and with 23 yrs now,
I can't wait to see what new gift I will be blessed
with next.

I appreciate you being here.
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Old 02-07-2014, 06:04 AM
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If you go to the AA website...there is a 20 question "test" you can take that can help you determine if you are an alcoholic....
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Old 02-07-2014, 06:06 AM
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questions like:

Do you drink to escape your problems?
Do you drink alone?
Has drinking affected your job performance?
Have you called in sick to work more than once due to your drinking?
Has drinking impacted your home life negatively?
etc......
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Old 02-07-2014, 06:08 AM
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The test says that if you answer yes to more than 3 questions then you are an alcoholic....that's not me talking...that's just what the test says...
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Old 02-07-2014, 06:11 AM
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Thank you all for your help. This site has been a true blessing. I will visit the AA site today. I greatly appreciate each and every one of you. Sharon . . .23 years!! You are amazing!!
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