what if i'm not. . . Hi all!! I have been fighting such a battle with myself. There are times when I am not convinced I am an alcoholic. Yes I am sure you have all heard this before . . .but I have been able to do one and done. Through the holidays I had a drink or two . . . Nothing escalated. I hear the stories of progression on this website and it scares the crap out of me. I'm not really even sure why i am posting. I am tired of thinking about it, tired of labeling myself etc. Have you all struggled with this question or have you just accepted that you cannot drink? I guess the realization is why do I WANT to be able to drink every now and then? Why is it so important? Sorry I am really rambling this morning but like I said I'm just tired of the battle. |
I can't moderate, it would always escalate xxx |
I guess in my case, it's very obvious that I have a problem, so over the past couple of years it was very clear that I was addicted to alcohol. Leading up to that point, though, I suppose I may have subconsciously convinced myself that I may not have had much of a problem, but as you said, the escalation bit is what really gets you. I guess we don't really have to worry too much about labels, I mean, it doesn't matter what we call it. If you feel that alcohol is having a negative affect on your life, if you don't believe you can control it (if you are completely honest with yourself), then it might be time to look at removing it from the equation completely. Good luck with whatever you decide. But of course, there must have been a reason you started posting to this site in the first place. Most people who do not have issues with alcohol wouldn't necessarily seek out a forum like this, so that is something else to think about. |
Can you live without drinking? |
Hi. I would guess that for all the alcoholics there are about the same number of people that have different views of their drinking at one time or another. The view I have of myself without using certain words is that I can not drink in safety. I remember that this disease is cunning, powerful and insidious. If I have a drink today, the first one, and don't have another one for a week or two my thinking would be "I'm OK now." I'm on the downward spiral with my alcoholism and I don't have another recovery. BE WELL |
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
(Post 4455848)
Can you live without drinking? |
Originally Posted by IOAA2
(Post 4455852)
Hi. I would guess that for all the alcoholics there are about the same number of people that have different views of their drinking at one time or another. The view I have of myself without using certain words is that I can not drink in safety. I remember that this disease is cunning, powerful and insidious. If I have a drink today, the first one, and don't have another one for a week or two my thinking would be "I'm OK now." I'm on the downward spiral with my alcoholism and I don't have another recovery. BE WELL Yes! I think since I can go for a few weeks without then I'm ok!! |
Sobriety was more like the road to Damascus for me. I was walking in one direction, got slapped in the face with some bad news, which was the result of my drunkenness, simply said "I'm done", and never looked back. That was eighteen months ago. The one piece of advice I would give you would be this. Let's say you start drinking again without regret...Now fast forward the movie. How does it end? If it ends badly, that's all you need to know. Good luck and God Bless :) |
Originally Posted by newme2day
(Post 4455828)
Hi all!! I have been fighting such a battle with myself. There are times when I am not convinced I am an alcoholic. Yes I am sure you have all heard this before . . .but I have been able to do one and done. Through the holidays I had a drink or two . . . Nothing escalated. I hear the stories of progression on this website and it scares the crap out of me. I'm not really even sure why i am posting. I am tired of thinking about it, tired of labeling myself etc. Have you all struggled with this question or have you just accepted that you cannot drink? I guess the realization is why do I WANT to be able to drink every now and then? Why is it so important? Sorry I am really rambling this morning but like I said I'm just tired of the battle. |
Originally Posted by ErikT
(Post 4455874)
You described how at times you can go "one and done"...but you didn't explain the OTHER side of it. What has happened in the past on the negative that has caused this "battle"? Talk about times when you drank too much. How much,....what...when...and what happened? Blackouts . . .hangovers . . .saying and doing things better kept to myself . . .I am guessing normal drinkers don't experience this?! I guess I have been trying to glorify it and conveniently forgetting all the bad. . . |
Originally Posted by newme2day
(Post 4455828)
Hi all!! I have been fighting such a battle with myself. There are times when I am not convinced I am an alcoholic. Yes I am sure you have all heard this before . . . |
Originally Posted by newme2day
(Post 4455883)
Blackouts . . .hangovers . . .saying and doing things better kept to myself . . .I am guessing normal drinkers don't experience this?! I guess I have been trying to glorify it and conveniently forgetting all the bad. . . |
you took the words right out of my mouth. I think that if I DIDNT have a drinking problem I wouldn't be having this dialogue in my head. Normal drinkers don't think about it. period. |
"I guess the realization is why do I WANT to be able to drink every now and then? Why is it so important?" heres something I read in a book: Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. there was a time, waaaay back some time ago, that I truly wanted to control my drinking. I already had the symptoms of alcoholism, but was in denial about it. then I crossed the line into full blown alcoholism.I no longer cared if I controlled it and no longer had a choice. alcoholism controlled me. then I got into recovery. the thoughts of "maybe im not an alcoholic. maybe I can control it" would come up. what a blessing to not have completely destroyed my memory! I was able to look back on my past and see what a lie that was! |
Originally Posted by newme2day
(Post 4455854)
I can and I wish I could just leave it. Do you think you have a problem? |
The whole recovery thing or staying sober a day at a time, way at the beginning of my recovery didn't make a bit of sense to me. As much as I tried to understand the concept of following a program of recovery, I just didn't understand it. Then I just stop fighting it all. I went through the motions for a long time until oneday a light bulb went off in my head and then I realized all I had to do was accept that I was an alcoholic, with an addiction to it, and that I never could drink successfully no matter how much I tried to control it. Once I accepted that fact, the rest was easy. Just follow what many have successfully done to remain sober each and everyday that they have and still live today. Don't figure it all out today. If you are like me in anyway, then living and learning a life in recovery is a lifelong journey with many wonderful gifts to enjoy along the way and with 23 yrs now, I can't wait to see what new gift I will be blessed with next. :) I appreciate you being here. :) |
If you go to the AA website...there is a 20 question "test" you can take that can help you determine if you are an alcoholic.... |
questions like: Do you drink to escape your problems? Do you drink alone? Has drinking affected your job performance? Have you called in sick to work more than once due to your drinking? Has drinking impacted your home life negatively? etc...... |
The test says that if you answer yes to more than 3 questions then you are an alcoholic....that's not me talking...that's just what the test says... |
Thank you all for your help. This site has been a true blessing. I will visit the AA site today. I greatly appreciate each and every one of you. Sharon . . .23 years!! You are amazing!! |
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