my therapy session
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Good job, I am proud of you...you made me smile, as I remember these days and trials, as I too against the advice of many here put myself in similar situations. In a way I felt I needed to test my will and resolve. What I found was: 1) I could not enjoy situations I used too if I was to remain sober; and 2) being around alcohol triggered new thoughts. I no longer wanted a glass, I wanted to jump behind the bar and funnel the bottle of Belvedere or Grey Goose.
Maybe your like me and maybe not but for me it has always been about drowning the pain. I needed to punish myself through booze and drugs. The first signs of a buzz are what I craved and when I could not feel this warmth anymore I needed to punish myself by drinking into obliteration. This of course took time and progression and led to many drugs but the motives were constant over my entire life.
If you are similar to me, you will soon realize life cannot be the same just sober. Awakening and enlightenment are better sober than any day drunk or using but this takes time. I encourage and applaud you MM, your an eagle!
Maybe your like me and maybe not but for me it has always been about drowning the pain. I needed to punish myself through booze and drugs. The first signs of a buzz are what I craved and when I could not feel this warmth anymore I needed to punish myself by drinking into obliteration. This of course took time and progression and led to many drugs but the motives were constant over my entire life.
If you are similar to me, you will soon realize life cannot be the same just sober. Awakening and enlightenment are better sober than any day drunk or using but this takes time. I encourage and applaud you MM, your an eagle!
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
MM-It sounds like you didn't want to disappoint your wife as far as the pub is concerned. You are right about alcohol being everywhere. When I gave up drugs, I just moved to where I didn't know any drug users. You can't do that with alcohol. Anyway, day 9 is great!! You're over the worst. You definitely don't want to go back and start over. I use to run some, but nothing like you. I loved the high that I would get. I just plugged in my music and nothing in the world existed. But eventually my knees started giving me trouble. Keep running.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
Nearing the end of day 12 now and feel fantastic, energy levels are starting to come back up...eating healthy and just back from a 6 mile track session......such a short space of time to feel your priorities shift in such a dramatic way.....instead of drinking this friday night me and my old running partner are going indoor rock climbing......saturday im taking my wife out for a surprise meal, its about time I showed her I cared instead of laying around the house falling down drunk. Sunday up early to tile my bathroom 
Thank you SR, last time I stopped I felt very alone and isolated, this virtual community is a god send, to be able to see people struggle the same as I do and that they have the same fears and feeling of shame lightens the load....a problem shared is a problem halved I suppose.
Thank you SR, last time I stopped I felt very alone and isolated, this virtual community is a god send, to be able to see people struggle the same as I do and that they have the same fears and feeling of shame lightens the load....a problem shared is a problem halved I suppose.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
Day 17 - feel fantastic today, I'm starting to feel like ive got me back again. spent the day tiling untill 4pm today and have now just come back in from a 12 mile sunday long run....the first one ive done in around 18 months......i feel like **** and have chaffed in places I forgot you could chafe but ive come in and have got a real feeling of calm, not sure if it is feeling serene or something else.....a couple of years ago I was really happy with the person I was. I honestly thought i'd destroyed that person with my addiction and destructive choices, but it turns out he's just been there waiting patiently for me to see the light, waiting for me to give him a chance go live again.
I don't really know what i'm trying to say, i'm just glad I gave myself a chance before it went to far.......shockingly even though all the above is true that voice is still wispering to me....it says its all been too easy, addicts suffer withdrawl and get the shakes, apart from a bit of insomnia you were fine....if you can quit so easy moderation would be breeze. I won't pay it any mind but amazing how it still whispers only seconds after thoughts of how lucky ive been to make the break. Have a good evening all.
I don't really know what i'm trying to say, i'm just glad I gave myself a chance before it went to far.......shockingly even though all the above is true that voice is still wispering to me....it says its all been too easy, addicts suffer withdrawl and get the shakes, apart from a bit of insomnia you were fine....if you can quit so easy moderation would be breeze. I won't pay it any mind but amazing how it still whispers only seconds after thoughts of how lucky ive been to make the break. Have a good evening all.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
Day 26 - feeling good and my wife told me this morning that she is pregnant expecting our first child. Gives me an ultimate reason to be a better person, not only with drinking but in general, with an upcoming responsibility like that how could I ever go back. Booked an actual therapy session for next week...hopefully talk through some stuff and try to get my head on really straight before my life changes big time 
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Christchurch
Posts: 451
What absolutely wonderful news and the best thing is you are going to be a clear headed sober Daddy for your new baby. I must be a bit of a sook because this news had me in tears. All the best with your journey what wonderful motivation you have to stay sober.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 166
I started a successful company and taught college students at a well-known university for seven years while I was drinking. Nothing odd about that for an alcoholic. The more you talk to people in recovery, the more you'll hear your story. Eventually you'll realise your alcoholism was just of a different variety than the stereotypes you've come to know.
You can do it!!!
You can do it!!!
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
50 days today for me - for everyone who is new and struggling, worrying about the weekend....stay strong and concentrate on your goals and the reasons for which you decided to stop......in the first few days it feels impossible but it does start to get easier and more rewarding as you realise you're finding your old self again hidden under all the alcohol soaked bad feelings.
For me there has been no revelation of such or a Eureka moment, just a feeling I needed to make a change and a willingness to commit to that change.
I hope everyone has a productive and sober weekend.....
For me there has been no revelation of such or a Eureka moment, just a feeling I needed to make a change and a willingness to commit to that change.
I hope everyone has a productive and sober weekend.....
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by MarathonMan 
50 days today for me - for everyone who is new and struggling, worrying about the weekend....stay strong and concentrate on your goals and the reasons for which you decided to stop......in the first few days it feels impossible but it does start to get easier and more rewarding as you realise you're finding your old self again hidden under all the alcohol soaked bad feelings.
For me there has been no revelation of such or a Eureka moment, just a feeling I needed to make a change and a willingness to commit to that change.
I hope everyone has a productive and sober weekend.....
For me there has been no revelation of such or a Eureka moment, just a feeling I needed to make a change and a willingness to commit to that change.
I hope everyone has a productive and sober weekend.....
Congratulations on your wife's pregnancy!! Wonderful.
And a BIG congratulations on your sobriety.
How's the running going?
I'm very grateful to be back at running. It is definitely a tool in my sobriety toolkit. Something to sink that energy and addictiveness into in a healthy, positive way.
There is a guy in my AA Home Group who was deeply in the dark and awful depths of alcoholism at about your age. Now in his 60's, he's got nearly three decades sobriety and a lot of ultramarathon wins under his belt. It's not too late for your running to shine.
If you're not already logging the miles, I encourage you to weave it back into your path. I've got two marathons and a tri registered for the summer, and my first 50k. Next stop, 100 miler ultra!!!
Rock on, MarathonMan.... ROCK ON.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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Posts: 611
FreeOwl - I'm liking your positivity
Running is going really good, I logged 72 miles last week so really pushing my body on as fast as it can go. Ran a county even last week and qualified for the UK nationals which was a bonus. I think even after nearly two years off there is an awful lot of muscle memory remaining....I was ok to go straight back in at 50 miles almost from the off. I've been pleasantly surprised at how training is going. My addictive personality is now swinging back in the correct direction. I turned a Chinese down on Saturday night as had a long run planned Sunday morning and wanted to fuel correctly.
No ultra's for me but i really hope you get to the 100 miler...must really push your body to it's limits and beyond probably.
After being sober for nearly 3 years I'm still beating myself up a bit about allowing my life to take those same old bad turns and some of the opportunities i threw away but steadily becoming happier and looking onwards to what me, wife and mini-me can do in the future.
Jdooner - yep you did have faith in me and I needed that a few weeks ago, thanks for taking the time to reply most times I've posted up...sometimes all you need is good people telling you that you've got this and you start to realise that you do have it in you after all you just had to stop being scared of taking that leap of faith. For me the fear of quitting is worse than quitting itself
Running is going really good, I logged 72 miles last week so really pushing my body on as fast as it can go. Ran a county even last week and qualified for the UK nationals which was a bonus. I think even after nearly two years off there is an awful lot of muscle memory remaining....I was ok to go straight back in at 50 miles almost from the off. I've been pleasantly surprised at how training is going. My addictive personality is now swinging back in the correct direction. I turned a Chinese down on Saturday night as had a long run planned Sunday morning and wanted to fuel correctly.
No ultra's for me but i really hope you get to the 100 miler...must really push your body to it's limits and beyond probably.
After being sober for nearly 3 years I'm still beating myself up a bit about allowing my life to take those same old bad turns and some of the opportunities i threw away but steadily becoming happier and looking onwards to what me, wife and mini-me can do in the future.
Jdooner - yep you did have faith in me and I needed that a few weeks ago, thanks for taking the time to reply most times I've posted up...sometimes all you need is good people telling you that you've got this and you start to realise that you do have it in you after all you just had to stop being scared of taking that leap of faith. For me the fear of quitting is worse than quitting itself
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