kaitpalen

I keep going back and forth with myself over how to deal with/treat a loved one suffering from addiction. My mom has relapsed with various pills and alcohol over the past year and has literally lost everything. She's hopping from house to house (most of which are a bad influence or enabler). It's to the point where I'm not even sure if she's got a conscience anymore. She went to a women's rehab about 6 years ago when her brothers and sisters threatened to take my little sister from her. she lived a sober life for 5 years after that, but now she has burned her bridges with the family that was once willing to help her. I am the only one left and I feel so responsible for her and its tearing me apart.

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? Do you condone tough love? What can I do to get her on the path to rehab again?

GotGrace

Wow, Kait, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I really wish I had some advice for you. Hopefully someone will come along who can offer some wisdom. Check out the friends and family wall, too, maybe you will find some insight there. Best of luck to you and your mom!

DesertArizona

Yes I do have advice. There really is only one thing you can do to force a loved one into treatment, and that is to create as many consequences for them as you possibly can. This usually means cutting off all contact with her, all support, all money, everything. Cut her out of your life until she calls you from rehab. Have a sit-down with the rest of the family and try to get them to do the same. Absolutely no contact or support at all, until she's in rehab.

"I am the only one left and I feel so responsible for her and its tearing me apart." - Stop being responsible for her problems, give that responsibility back to HER where it belongs. She gets to use drugs and you get to deal with the problems, and she'll never NEED to quit until SHE starts having to deal with the problems. Give them back to her.

"She went to a women's rehab about 6 years ago when her brothers and sisters threatened to take my little sister from her." - There you go, see? They got fed up and unified themselves against her problem. They created a consequence for her, they brought "rock bottom" up TO her. And it worked!

This approach sounds counter-intuitive and its hard to do, and that's why so many families enable their loved one to die. They think that the person will die if they cut off contact, but she's going to die even quicker if you keep enabling her, right? It is truly the ONLY thing that you can do. Its not a matter of condoning tough love or not, its simply the only thing that works! And it has worked for millions of families once they are taught that it is the right thing to do.

Now, go get started on creating consequences for her and preparing not to have any contact with her. Go speak with any family member or friend that has contact/influence with her and explain this to them. Go do that right now. You don't have much time. GO, NOW!

least

Unfortunately you can't set her on the path to rehab. She has to travel that path of her own free will. You can encourage her to go, but other than that you can't do too much. Let her know you support her and love her and that you are worried about her well being.