colagirl

Hi everyone,
I'm at the point right now where I'm considering telling a few more people (close friends) about my drinking and recovery. This is something I've talked about with my addiction counselor as a way to expand my support network now that I'm not feeling as humiliated as I was in the beginning. As of now, only two people in real life know, plus my counselor.

How have you guys dealt with explaining it to people who are close to you, but you know don't know anything about addiction and are going to be surprised and freaked out? I'm not expecting judgment from anyone, but have you been surprised by anyone's reaction? I'm just not totally sure how to go about this.

Also, does anyone have good reading recommendations for family/friends of alcoholics?

UnixBer

Hi and welcome to SR.
Many people decide telling other people about it to get more support. I'm 7.5 months sober and still haven't told anyone. Many people propably have noticed it though. But you don't have to tell anyone. Recovery is a personal thing and none of other people's business.

Taking5

I think it is a good move in general. First of all, we are not nearly as good at "hiding" our addictions as we think we are. Do not be a bit surprised if people knew or suspected you had some issues. They may not have put those issues together with alcohol, but they thought something was wrong.

In terms of their reaction, be prepared for all of the following:

• Some people will support you 100%, be real cheerleaders on it
• Some people will be "whatever"
• Some people will question your decision, sometimes fairly strongly
• Some people will offer to buy you a drink
• Some people will buy you a drink/place one in your hand

The latter 3 of the list are people that most likely have drinking issues of their own, and your sobriety is threatening to them. That being said, in my case I found out who some of my friends really were, and all in all it helped a lot in holding me more accountable.

Ruby2

Hi. I guess it would all depend on who you want to tell and why. I think at first I would stick to a "need to know" basis. Will the person you tell be supportive or will they undermine your continued sobriety with "oh, you can have one, it won't hurt." Will they keep your information to themselves if you want them to or will they talk to other people?

Maybe you can discuss your responses to various scenarios with your counselor? Dress rehearsals? It may help you feel more comfortable. If the person you confide in cares, they can still be supportive without fully understanding. My parents do not understand but are still supportive. I just have to teach them or talk to them about how they can be supportive.

Good question and thanks.

least

The only people I told were my family. I always drank at home alone so no one else knew. I got a lot of support from my family.

kflee

I was surprised at the friends I thought would be happy for me seemed more bummed and sad that our party days are over. That hurt me. The friends I least expected support from came to my side so fast. Its a strange world and I never know what to expect.
I do understand what you mean...

bigsombrero

When I went into rehab I told almost everyone I knew - I felt like I was going to prison and writing my goodbye letters. In retrospect I wish I hadn't...I feel like the kid who got too overdramatic for his role in the school play, and I'm kind of embarrassed that I made such a big deal of it, basically. But you can't change the past. I suppose in retrospect it has certainly made it easier in some ways - I haven't had to wrestle with excuses or find a way to sneak out of parties or weddings. My friends and family all know I'm out of the game. And in a way that's another weapon in my sobriety tool box.

What does your counselor say about this idea? Remember, you don't have to rush out and tell people. Take your time and do what you feel is right.

colagirl

Thanks for the responses, everyone!

My counselor wants me to expand my support network as a relapse prevention tool (trying to cut down on the number of situations in which I could find an "excuse" to relapse, as a couple of you mentioned).

The people who already know are my best friend, who I basically forced my own hand into telling, which ended up being the thing that made me quit; and another friend who I knew was also a recovering alcoholic. The people I'm thinking of telling next are 1) a very dear friend who I've known for years - we do drink together a lot but she knows I have a history of alcoholism in my family and I believe she'll be completely supportive; and 2) a newer friend I haven't known as long but who is loyal and trustworthy in every way, and who is very accepting and non-judgmental and has always been very supportive of me.

The idea of not rushing into telling people is something else I've been thinking on. My counselor said exactly the same thing - that I should absolutely make sure it's the right time. That's hard for me because I just want to get it out there, but I think I've done pretty well so far at not jumping the gun.

Dee74

I think it depends on what you are expecting colagirl.

I never got any support from family - I was simply 'overreacting'.
I never got support from drinking buddies.

I did get support from other friends - but none of them could really understand addiction and more than once I got blank looks, or worse, glazed eyes...so I learned not to talk about it too much with them.

Where I did find support and understanding, in inexhaustible supply, was places like this and my partner

(after reading your last post)
I hope you'll find that same level of support, CG

jasonfiz

Just don't share it with them.

1978

Hey Colagirl... I completely empathize. I think I'll be at a similar point in the coming months but wonder whether I should say anything. I think most of my friends and family will be completely surprised/shocked at such an admission. They only see me as a sensible, placid guy with (surely) no issues. Which makes me feel that when I do tell them... they won't ever realize or understand how serious my drinking problem has been. I just don't want a dismissive response because I know that when I do tell people, my persona will be typically positive and normal i.e. I won't be good at dropping my guard and letting them see a side of me that is not in a good place. Go with your heart and believe in yourself and your decision.

colagirl

I know exactly what you mean. Last night I was thinking through what what I would say and how I would say it, and I realized these conversations are going to be more complicated than I realized. I really need to work out what message I want to give out and the best way to do that.

ClearMind

I agree with Unixbear

I haven't told anyone that I am in recovery, although I have told many people that I am not drinking because I am training for a marathon, and that it makes me sick lately so I can't be bothered. The people I have told this to have known that alcohol was a central theme in my life for many, many years, and yet they still haven't pursued it past that, so it really wasn't an issue for me. They may realize I am quitting for other reasons than I am telling, but they haven't brought it up. Regardless, it doesn't really matter, as long as we steer clear of the sauce

freethinking

I haven't told anyone that doesn't NEED to know. My husband and like 2 other people in our family know.

ClearMind

I have had a few friends who were bummed out that I no longer drink, which did suck, but what are ya gonna do? I can't control other peoples' reactions, so I can't really worry about that stuff. When I was in the depths of my addictions, getting alcohol was the only thing I really cared about. It takes that same focus on recovery, so I choose to put recovery tops on my list of importance. Without recovery, I will lose everything.

FreeOwl

I've told my girlfriend and my parents and sister and a couple close friends.

Apart from that I just keep it simple;

"I've decided that living life without alcohol is more joyous and rewarding, healthy and positive for me"

The only people to question that have been friends who also have drinking problems, approaching me for advice.