wetsob

Hello, thanks for reading. I have been drinking for a while now, but it hasn't ever really affected my life until recently. I have a good job, lots of friends, a positive outlook on life, and generally feel that I am very responsible.

I am married to a wonderful woman, and she does not drink much at all. We used to drink together before we were married but over the years she has almost completely stopped, occasionally a glass of wine with dinner. I drink maybe 3-4 times a week, but once a month or so I get extremely drunk. Certain situations just make me lose all control. Last night was one such night, we had a company party with an open bar. My wife couldn't come, and since I was coming home after she would be asleep I felt that gave me license to go over the top. And once I get started on that path it doesnt end until I pass out.

She gets extremely upset at me when I do this, and I totally understand why. The thing is, since it isn't affecting my life negatively any way else, I don't feel that it is a serious problem. I would prefer not to quit drinking entirely, I would simply like to eliminate those specific nights where it goes over the top.

Am I wrong for thinking this is not a serious problem? Does this even make sense? Is there a good solution here, or is quitting cold turkey the only option? Any advice would be appreciated.

KateL

I would often try to moderate but found it impossible. You must think something is not quite right to post. Welcome and look around. I hope you find some support here and I am sure you will. xxxx

Dee74

Hi wetsob

I tried very hard to keep alcohol in my life. I tried to find a way to eliminate my loss of control and the bad consequences...but I never did, I'm afraid.

you don't feel your wife being very upset is a negative consequence?

D

PurpleKnight

Hey wetsob, Welcome to the Forum!!

There are those that drink a few and stop, there are then those that loose control and drink until passing out.

I was in the latter category, the thing is when I first started drinking I never passed out, fast forward a few years it was every time I drank, things spiral pretty quickly and life starts to become affected by alcohol.

This might be something to take seriously as your relationship with your wife is being affected negatively and that is probably a red flag to something needing to be changed.

It's worth thinking about!!

FreeOwl

I can't judge for you whether this is a 'serious problem', but I can tell you that for years and years I figured because I have a good career, am responsible, lots of respect and admiration of friends and colleagues, generally positive outlook.... none of my drinking was 'a serious problem'. Even after the first DUI I was able to rationalize it all and provide myself evidence that just because I 'occasionally' pretty much lost all control and drank to blackout drunk - nothing was REALLY that wrong.

I've still got a good career. Still responsible. Still lots of respect and admiration of friends and colleagues and a generally positive outlook - but it's really clear to me now after a second DUI a few years ago and just finally reaching the end of my rope in trying to consistently control my drinking and watching it get worse and worse and take over my life more and more - it's a serious problem. Because it's robbing me of my life. Of finances. Of self-respect. Of honesty and of opportunity to live this cherished gift of life to the fullest. It's just not worth it - and also; I don't WANT to lose it all and be amongst those who have learned first hand what it is like to no longer have a good career, no longer be responsible, no longer have respect and admiration of friends and colleagues and to have gotten so far from a generally positive out look on life that maybe life doesnt even seem worth living anymore....

No thanks. I don't want to have anything to to with a problem that serious. I count myself deeply blessed that I came to that conclusion before the 'serious problem' I tried to pretend wasn't there became reallly, really, REALLY serious.

FreeOwl

And then there are those who - like me - can drink a few and stop on many many occasions.... but for whom that is just false "evidence" there isnt a 'serious problem'. That's maybe the most insidious. If every single time I drank, I just couldn't stop and drank until oblivion or jail - it would be obvious. Instead.... it was always a matter of unpredictability. I might stop at a few and no big deal. Or - I might wake up in jail. Or come out of a blackout in the middle of a conversation with someone, unsure how I got there or what the hell was going on or what had happened in the past six hours......

for some of us, it's definitely not black and white - which can lead to years... decades wasted trying to prove to ourselves there was not a 'serious problem'.

GotGrace

Welcome, wetsob! I have no answer for you, but I can tell you that I was never able to moderate over the long haul successfully and I was not always able to anticipate when I would overindulge.

As a sober woman married to a man who occasionally drinks to excess, I can tell you that if my husband decided to stop drinking I would see that as one of the most loving things he has ever done.

Good luck to you!

gleefan

It's my day two. Im a successful suburban mom who hangs with a crowd of well liked people who put alcohol at the center of their social activities. I'm here because after 20 years of attempting moderation, the fact is I never have been able to anticipate when I'd overdo it. Yesterday morning, while in the throes of a yet another hangover (and there have been more than I can count) where I was left piecing together the previous evening's events, I decided to stop drinking altogether. Hope that helps.

habsfan18

Hi,

I posted a similar thread today about what I learned today was called Binge drinking. I am like you and passed out on friday and made a complete fool of myself as well as worrying sick my friends and family. I think that it is a problem and that the solution is stop drinking completely. I've been trying to drink with moderation in the past and it always ends up badly. That is just my opinion but just know that you are not alone in this and if you wanna stop completely I think we are at the right place.

Take care and good luck with that!

least

I agree with Dee. If your wife is very upset that means there's a problem. I tried moderation too but failed miserably. Why not just give it up completely for a while, say three months, and see how you're dong then.

Welcome to SR! I'm glad you joined us.

howmanytimes

Oh man I know those nights. Usually after some good milestone. I graduated so let's turn into a **** show! I made my wife very upset many times and did many regrettable things but my final straw was finally going to jail for DUI

Hevyn

Hi Wetsob - it's great to meet you. I'm so glad you came here to talk it over.

I was the same type of drinker. I saw the warning signs but did nothing to change my ways. Over time I began drinking more often - with more serious consequences. Every time I drank it led to an unpredictable ending. Dangerous things happened - but I still insisted I could control it if I really tried. In the end, I was drinking all day - I got dui's - my life was in shambles. I know you want to believe you have some control, but that may not be the case. I'm glad you're taking a serious look at what alcohol is doing to your life.

reflection

Put me in the 'good job, friends and positive outlook on life' category, as well. Like others who have posted, I was able to sometimes moderate and sometimes not. As months passed, my ability to moderate became less and less and embarrassment and shame higher and higher. It was at that time I decided to really be honest with myself about my situation. Alcohol isn't worth it for me...I can have fun and be myself - a better version of myself, one who I respect and actually like - without it.

wetsob

Wow thanks for all of your responses, you are all very generous and I appreciate that. Seems like the consensus here is cold-turkey, and I totally understand that. I am going to start small and take a month off and see how that goes, if I can't control myself for that amount of time I will know there is somethiing serious going on.

Luthor

Hi Wetsob, Know just how you feel.

Times I've shown restraint and felt in control feel in hindsight a lot like alcoholism playing three claw Monty with me. My Alcoholism wears many hats, the messy blackout drinker is easy to spot but it's the articulate, smooth talking voice of reason that cons me every time.

It always lets me win a few hands to keep me on hook and show me the game isn't fixed but the real kicker is that I only chase control so I can get utterly ********* as often as I could with zero repercussions.

But that's just me - I can't phrase it better than Free Owl. Good look with the control experiment

FreeFall

I was also like you, good job, steady relationships, holding it all together. Occasional nights of embarrassment, always knew I was prone to addictive behaviors, knew alcohol was a problem but I wasn't "that bad". I hadn't hit rock bottom, no health scares or arrests.

I quit because I knew it was progressing over the years. I knew I was very lucky I had never gotten a DUI but it was most certainly coming (just the fact that I drove after drinking indicates a serious problem but in those days I justified it that I only had to drive half a mile, and I hadn't had "that many") I hope that you'll be able to quit earlier than I did-it has made such a difference in a positive way.

Just the fact that you found SR indicates you are worried about what's going on. Glad you're here

serious

a good plan. month should test you well enough.

.. but
- make sure you don't give yourself excuse to binge at the end of month (fell into that trap one or twice myself). that's not he point of the experiment
- if you manage a month, what's next? cut out completely or leave things as is? or cut back a little?