NoelleR

I don't know about "it" getting better (whatever "it" is), but I certainly got better.

(o:
NoelleR

autan

Does any of this actually work ???

A definite YES. I googled help cutting down on alcohol in September 2013 after 20 odd years of drinking hard.

After a couple of false starts and rehab, got myself sober for 2 months.
Had some seconds thoughts at Christmas, then changed my mind and been sober over a month again now.

I have not come across any abusive, nasty, trolling individuals at all on here and thats not because of moderation ( as good as they are ).

I think it is because there are a lot of people who are here because, one day they just couldnt keep living with drinking anymore. There is one rule, here which we must all obey and that is we do not talk about suicide as it can act as a trigger.

Its a good rule, because I think a great deal of the members including myself have had suicidal thoughts in the past and this place helps keep you motivated to cease drinking and make your life better.

jewelsfire

Yes this stuff really helps...i find myself in times of doubt recalling these sayings...one day at a time...keep it simple...first things first...I need these simple reminders frequently because my disease wants me to forget ...I don't want the chaos or suffering any more...I don't want to drink. AA helps me to remember how to live without alcohol.

ClearMind

We wouldn't be signing in here every day and reading other peoples' posts if it weren't helping. Put it this way, if you were a die hard hockey fan, wouldn't it be better to talk about hockey to another die hard hockey fan, rather than someone who didn't know anything about hockey? Many people here have the same history when it comes to addictions, so it's great to be able to talk freely with others who share your same issues and history.

ClearMind

I think an important part of the reason this type of environment helps a (recovering) addict is because of a community "us against the world" mentality that seems to make our individual resolve stronger. I think it's the same reason that AA meetings help some people. It's about knowing we aren't alone in this struggle, and that somehow knowing that there are other people fighting the same fight as us that calms us and allows us to approach our issues with a clearer head, with less anxiety and less isolation.

We are social animals, and noone likes to be battling against something alone. As humans, we have an innate and very fundamental need to be appreciated and understood, and not taken for granted (my girlfriend tells me this all the time). These issues of addiction are obviously front and center for many of us addicts - myself included. I think as a whole, having an audience full of like-minded people allows us to assume we will be understood more completely and with less judgement, as opposed to voicing our concerns to a non-addict, who we may perceive as not fully understanding our psychological issues with addiction (whether this perception is warranted or not).

Joe Nerv

I believe you might have been referring to me. But reserve the right to be wrong on that. Yours & letus's posts were the last things I read here though before going to bed, so it got me thinking about what I said in my earlier post. I think what I said was important, so I'm going to clarify it, and hopefully do so without offending anyone, as that's not my intent. I want to help, not harm. And I'll begin by stating that this is absolutely my opinion, which has been formed by what I've experience with myself and seen in others regarding this whole deal of staying sober.

Sober Recovery is a resource that goes beyond this forum. I'm sure as such it's helped thousands upon thousands of people. This forum is a very useful tool for many people, and absolutely helps them stay sober and work out things they might not be comfortable sharing or working out somewhere else. But IMO, it shouldn't be viewed as anything more than a tool, for people with a serious problem with alcohol. That's not to deny that it may have been the only tool for some, and work as their primary program of recovery. As far as I know though, that's been only 5 to 10 people, and that takes into account the entire planet. I could be wrong about that number, but I think it's pretty accurate.

If someone is new here, that's great and I think it's great to use this as a tool to further explore means of getting sober, staying sober, and leading a productive life. But I know that your chances of success are much greater if you seek additional help, be it AA, RR, a rehab, outpatient treatment, or whatever it is you need to stop and stay stopped. To think logging into a forum a couple of times a day is going to solve your drinking problem is IMO like putting a bandaid on cancer. If it isn't cancer it will probably heal, if it is there a chance of a miracle happening... but for the most part, you're going to have to do something in addition to that bandaid. And I think most people here who have accumulated some sober time will agree with me. SR is a great tool to have in our toolbox. If we want to ensure our success we best go at this thing a little more aggressively.

As for my participation here, what I said in my first post was unnecessary and I'd retract some of it if I still had the option to edit. I got sober long before the internet was around, so this wasn't a tool. I didn't find this site until I was already in my 3rd decade of sobriety. And I do sometimes get a little more involved here than I think is productive for me, but that's a whole nuther issue that I probably could have presented differently, or not at all. It wasn't my intent to offend anyone, but I could understand if I did, and I apologize.

Wishing everybody the best.

ClearMind

Joe Nerv, I believe there are many people who use this SR forum as their only "tool" to recovery, with great success. Myself included. I think I replied to a forum on this a couple of months ago and the results of that thread indicated that there are quite a bit of people who use this as their only tool. As our society changes, we become more connected in a technological sense, so it is no longer appropriate to say an "in-person" meeting is any more effective for many people than an online meeting or forum. I'm not saying you are saying this, of course. I feel an online community such as this one offers benefits that can't be obtained through an in-person meeting, including, but not limited to brutal honesty - the kind of honesty required to continue along with a recovery path.

As Oscar Wilde said, "Give a man a mask, and he will tell the truth." The anonymity of an online forum offers that kind of mask - for myself, anyway.

Have a great day!

Leana

I don't know if the buzzwords or codes or ((hugs)) of support help or not all I know is that I have been sober for 2012 days today (5 years, 6 months, 3 days) and I never want to go back. So just in case it was the buzzwords, codes, and/or ((hugs)) of support that got me to this point....I want to make sure that I give them back, to everyone on this site struggling, to get to where I am today so you know how it feels NOT to have thoughts of alcohol overwhelm every waking moment of every day.

Joe Nerv

Not doing this to "call you out", and I hope it's not taken as an attack, but you've only been a part of this forum for 3 months? I think a lot of people make claims regarding how this has helped them, which I'm sure it has, but 3 months is hardly enough time to qualify that as something that worked as a long term solution. There are so many experiences yet to be had in regard to staying away from a drink. So many things, IMO, that need to be changed if we are indeed alcoholics, and want to not go back to the people we once were. The people who needed to drink.

I have no idea how long you're sober, and I'm not minimizing 3 months time, if that's what you have. I couldn't get a single day sober, remember what it was like to have 3 days sober, the miracle of a month, and the impossibilty of 3... so I commend you and anyone else who reaches that and beyond. But I believe with all my heart and soul, that it must go way beyond a tweak here and there, and sharing a few things on a forum. I believe the majority of us need a major overhaul if we want to be successful at this.

I understand about growing technology also, and that we have a lot of new wonderful tools. I make use of lots of it, but I disagree that it's always to our advantage. I'll use music as a metaphor. Years ago I wrote lots and lots of songs, and jumped through crazy hoops to get them recorded. The quality left a bit to be desired, but I produced an amazing amount of music. Today, I have an unimaginable amount of recording capabilities right here in front of me on my computer. And in my ipad. And I get so caught up in the technology that I produce about 10% of what I used to produce 20 yrs ago. I believe there are similarities with other electronic "advancements". I want to be able to function in a real world. I want real feedback, based on who and what I am in real life. I can sit behind my keyboard and create anything I want. I can edit for 2 days before posting something, I can (as I saw recently on a T-Shirt) be a big winner on the internet, and a big loser in life. I think we often get so caught up in our technology that it becomes a part of who we are, and can rob us of real life, real world experiences. Getting off track here, so I'm gonna quit it now... but a perfect example is right here, right now, with me. My wife is sitting in the living room reading, and I've been on the computer for a couple of hours. It's a beautiul white snowy day outside, and I have off from work. I should be out there playing in the snow with her, like I was doing 2 years ago. Not pounding away at a keyboard here... bla, bla, bla...

Gonna go do that.

ClearMind

Joe Nerv,

I don't feel like you're calling me out, no worries! I was a long-time reader of these forums far before I eventually signed in and started to post, and I have to tell you that they have helped me immensely. You said yourself that you have been sober since before the internet was even around, so perhaps you don't conceive of the possibility that an online community can provide a suitable foundation in which to arrive upon and perpetuate recovery. I'm not trying to call YOU out, but it seems you may be a little older than many people on here, which is possibly why you brush off the importance of an online forum to some people (please don't take offence to that). What I am saying is that I have used online forums - whether I have posted or not - as my only tool (I have also read recovery books, so I suppose this would be considered another tool) and I have gained a substantial benefit from this. I have gone to in-person AA meetings, and I felt very uneasy and I did not get anything out of it. I have tried on several different occasions, but they weren't for me. I can only speak for myself, naturally. That's all any of us can do.

And while I do agree that we certainly do need a "major overhaul" if we intend to be successful at recovery, I want to point out that the definition of a "major overhaul" varies amongst different people. You seem to have a bit of a tunnel vision about this. While an online community may be just an added tool for you, it may (and certainly does) provide a backbone to recovery for many people. You say "I want to be able to function in a real world, I want real feedback, etc.".. that is fine for you, but your perceptions (and don't take offence to this please) are frankly irrelevant to people trying to recover from an addiction. You may know what works for you, but you can't possibly pretend to know what works for other people. Like it or not, technology is real life.

The bottom line is, if it works for you, then you should do it. Nobody here is in a position to minimalize the importance of any tool we have at our disposal.

Have a great day everyone!

Mags1

I feel when we reach three months sober none of us say 'only'. It's an unimagineable amount of time we've achieved sober that we never ever thought we could accomplish.

Every day is an achievement, more so in early recovery. I didn't really understand what recovery meant when I first got sober. Just wanted to do it, get on my life, but it ain't that easy. There was obstacles, hindrances, where normally I'd pick up a bottle for the answer, I had to rely on my new thinking brain. I didn't know where that was half the time.

With time and I believe help we from SR or certainly, I, gained clarity and confidence to think without that crutch.

This is my help because I don't have to go anywhere, I'm sat on my sofa, going to prepare tea in a moment, sometimes it's 3 in the morning, I wake up, the body wants a drink, the mind won't let it, I come here and sometimes chat, sometimes just listen. Then, I settle down.

This is my precious present, now speaking with friends before I leave then probably come back later th chat with friends about how cold it is, what they've been baking or cooking, what we did foolish today. I was rushing about and went flying flag out this morning. I feel battered and bruised and wanted my mum to kiss my knee better, hah, from a sensible adult to a bealing child in one fail swoop. Lol

Joe Nerv

I can't, and won't argue that .

I didn't take any offense to anything you said, but disagree with some (not all) of it. And will push to stretch my mind a bit as I'm always open to the possiblity that I might be wrong about something. Still think the number of people that this is working for as their primary tool is not even a blip on the map of recovery. There's no telling however what it will be like 20 years from now. I'm hoping for the best. I'm not here to be right. I'm here hoping only to be helpful.

And, just for the record, I got sober at 23. I'll be 53 in a couple of weeks. I can be considered an old guy I guess, but travel with a group of people much younger than me (play in bands with people in their 20s and 30s), and my dayjob deals w troubled teens and young adults. I also don't look anywhere near my age, and while I know most people say that, with me it's the truth . Only point I'm trying to make is I'm not a crotchety old man, sitting in my bedroom complaining about these dang youngens that know nuthin. I'm very much out there in the world.

Or maybe I am turning into that crotchety guy... hmm....

Last note. My wife didn't wan to play in the snow. She's washing clothes.

ClearMind

JoeNerv,

Congrats on your many years of sobriety, that is very impressive, regardless of how you reached it! I do agree that, while those people utilizing online forum as a backbone to recovery is always increasing, they are by far the minority. But even still, if you're one of those small few it works for, then the numbers don't really matter in the end. As long as ya stay clear of the booze!

PaulinaPolitely

That's how I feel too...finally a real resolve to stop. Quit for 2 weeks in January. Now committed for the duration. I pray! As my neighbors emptying bins of after Superbowl empties...yay Hawks!

Vet69

I fall on my face now and again but this place helps me to rise up and start over. The good people here know what it is to suffer and feel alone and ashamed. They do not judge you; they simply extend their hands and hearts and help you up when you fall. They have all been there. Stay the course. The sun will shine on your face and in your soul again.

neferkamichael

ChopperX, yes things do get better. I'm 3 years 6 months sober and as I continue to work on myself, I might have finally discovered my biggest stumbling block to serenity. "Instant satisfaction", that's what I had when I took that hit of crack, drank the booze, or any other chemical substance. The expectation of "instant satisfaction" is rampant in me because of all the years of being addicted. Now that I'm aware of it, I'm learning to change my behavior concerning it. Rootin for ya.