skatebowls

I used to steal, treat my Mom like Sh*t. Most of all, I used all of my friends. I thought they were all losers and someone I could get something out of. Today, I was downtown (Cleveland) And I was scared for my life, I was homeless once. And I realize what these people are going through, these crackheads, heroin junkies and people who are scalping for change (aggressively) I understand some people have extremely screwed up lives. And now that my life is starting to get better (With Honesty, Open Mindedness & Willingness) I'm realizing that I can help these people get better.

My friend Malcolm for example, I always felt like I was better then him because I was white and he was black, and he was poorer then me. I used so many people because a lot of people used me. We all used each other in a sort of way, but I'm realizing I played a much bigger part in this then they did. Because of my homelessness, felony jail stays and smoking crack under bridges. I realized Downtown was a very dangerous and different place then what I used to see it. I see people in hell, who are very angry and upset with themselves and there lives. And they ask people for change, somebody with a very cute girlfriend and they are dressed very nicely. And these people give them a curt, NO. I feel so bad, but everyone has there downfalls in life. Some people the tides go higher or lower then others. And I don't mean to get political, but there are so many d*mn inequalities in life. It's not fair that guy has a sexy lady with he gets to have beautiful pleasurable sex with every night. That same guy beats people up and has all the ladies after him to have sex with him. Gigantic orgies... And in the same city, a man is contracting AIDS from a transsexual prostitute in a homeless shelter bathroom. That same man is about tie a rope around his neck. Life is so damn cruel man, it's just not fair. Life is not fair, and it's totally screwed up and I hate living.

But everybody falls, just at different, some people, insanely bad gnarly levels. (Such as people sleeping under bridges) I shot heroin and passed out infront of the Justice Center downtown & one of my CO's who I was locked up with recognized me. I was just sleeping on the ground. (During the work day) He said, Corrigan, what are you doing man you're gonna be back in jail again...I said, "I've been shooting heroin and I'm F*cked up." And he said, Oh man be careful man. Damn man. And left. He even told me where he lived. Nice guy.

But yeah, I totally understand peoples aggression and hostility towards people who are in a better place (Heaven) in there lives. People who have a good girlfriend and a good job and A BMW or a Porsche. There living at the top of there lives while others are huffing paint in a plastic bag shooting crack out of puddle water. Life gives us all a cruel hand sometimes. Some worse then others, I think a lot of it is (I'm just rambling now) Some people party and continue to go downhill and don't do anything productive with there live, and end up sleeping under a bridge, Like me. Well, I never slept under a bridge but I've came pretty damn close sleeping next to Subway Tracks and City Parks, on benches. In the inner cities. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I'm blessed to have the twelve steps in my life. And being honest everyday with something that's going on in my life or something that has happened, no matter how much it hurts helps me, because a problem shared is a problem cut in half...

I got Hepatitis C from shooting heroin and Herpes from an older woman. I planned on spreading this to a woman I know, and the Hepatitis to the older woman who gave me Herpes. I recently posted a message on my facebook that said, I have these Diseases...pretty much leave me alone. You know, and I wrote an email to my ex saying that I have Hepatitis. And it feels great you know, it weeds out all the losers. All the people who don't care about me, it puts up a big STOP sign. Like STOP, you don't know me...I think honesty is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And being brutally honest. Because to tell you the truth, I thought, I'm going to spread herpes to every chick I know like she did to me. And it felt so much better to just admit to every girl, look I have herpes. And not do the same thing that she did to me to so many other people...

soberhawk

I am glad you have found a road out of this.

I believe we can always improve even if it is only small steps.

Take care.