The pendulum
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
The pendulum
Six months ago, I had no clue how to get out from under this lead apron of shame, guilt, self loathing, fear, anxiety and despair.
I was quietly putting away 2 plus bottles of wine a night trying to figure out what the hell I was doing WRONG ?!? Why couldn't I lose weight ? Why can't I get this godforsaken anxiety under control ? Why is my relationship with my daughter becoming so strained ? Why can I not stand to be anywhere, with anyone anymore ?
It could not possibly be the booze. No way, no shape, no form.
It had to be the nutbars in my life that drove me to drink for Christs sake ! Cut me some slack, if you had my life.....blobity blah blah.
But the wheel has turned.
The pendulum has swung.
In the complete opposite direction.
I'm almost embarrassed about how much time I spend actually caring for myself now. I say no. A lot. Usually "no thank you" but sometimes just a stern NO. And i often don't think twice about it anymore. I spend a lot of time grooming. Using wrinkle creams. Crest White Strips. Plucking my brows. Hell, I even shave now. Regularly. Not to be gross but I was starting to look like Nanook of the North.
I exercise daily. Meditate, pray, take long baths. And far infrared detox sauna. I get regular massages, and mani pedis. I read constantly because I am obsessed with learning. Not things that school or society deems important. But that which feeds my soul and spirit. And I work. Hard. But only enough to pay the bills so I can do more of what I love.
In addition to alcohol, I have since given up caffeine, sugar, corn, wheat, dairy and soy. And I'm absolutely shocked and stunned at how I feel now. Its mind boggling how I slugged through the day, soup to nuts, coffee to cake, grinding away at my adrenals and pancreas. Now I'm cooking all of my meals, which has been a labor of love. Of my vehicle that houses my spirit. The body being a temple and all that jazz...
And the craziest part of all of it is, the more I "give up" the more I feel like have.
The pendulum has swung so far in the opposite direction, it has shattered the glass of the self imposed prison that I had built around myself.
I like it over here.
I was quietly putting away 2 plus bottles of wine a night trying to figure out what the hell I was doing WRONG ?!? Why couldn't I lose weight ? Why can't I get this godforsaken anxiety under control ? Why is my relationship with my daughter becoming so strained ? Why can I not stand to be anywhere, with anyone anymore ?
It could not possibly be the booze. No way, no shape, no form.
It had to be the nutbars in my life that drove me to drink for Christs sake ! Cut me some slack, if you had my life.....blobity blah blah.
But the wheel has turned.
The pendulum has swung.
In the complete opposite direction.
I'm almost embarrassed about how much time I spend actually caring for myself now. I say no. A lot. Usually "no thank you" but sometimes just a stern NO. And i often don't think twice about it anymore. I spend a lot of time grooming. Using wrinkle creams. Crest White Strips. Plucking my brows. Hell, I even shave now. Regularly. Not to be gross but I was starting to look like Nanook of the North.
I exercise daily. Meditate, pray, take long baths. And far infrared detox sauna. I get regular massages, and mani pedis. I read constantly because I am obsessed with learning. Not things that school or society deems important. But that which feeds my soul and spirit. And I work. Hard. But only enough to pay the bills so I can do more of what I love.
In addition to alcohol, I have since given up caffeine, sugar, corn, wheat, dairy and soy. And I'm absolutely shocked and stunned at how I feel now. Its mind boggling how I slugged through the day, soup to nuts, coffee to cake, grinding away at my adrenals and pancreas. Now I'm cooking all of my meals, which has been a labor of love. Of my vehicle that houses my spirit. The body being a temple and all that jazz...
And the craziest part of all of it is, the more I "give up" the more I feel like have.
The pendulum has swung so far in the opposite direction, it has shattered the glass of the self imposed prison that I had built around myself.
I like it over here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,303
Thank you so much for this! It's funny how much anguish I had over why I wasn't reaching my potential. I didn't think it was the drinking holding me back - I thought I drank *because* I wasn't reaching my potential. I often had that voice pop up in the middle of the night or early morning - you have to stop this. I'm glad I finally listened. So glad you did too!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 115
Alphaomega I really feel the same way.
I am at 6 months too. Though my legs are pretty hairy today
Its almost frightening to think if we stay like this it will keep getting better. my life sucks in quite a few ways - no job, living with mum and no money. But I am optimistic. and I feel lucky, and grateful.
Saying that it has been incredibly hard to get to this point, and I have had a huge amount of black moments. But they become less and less frequent and more and more peace comes into my life.
I love your quote - about walking through hell to get to heaven, that really is how I feel at the moment.
I am at 6 months too. Though my legs are pretty hairy today
Its almost frightening to think if we stay like this it will keep getting better. my life sucks in quite a few ways - no job, living with mum and no money. But I am optimistic. and I feel lucky, and grateful.
Saying that it has been incredibly hard to get to this point, and I have had a huge amount of black moments. But they become less and less frequent and more and more peace comes into my life.
I love your quote - about walking through hell to get to heaven, that really is how I feel at the moment.
A Little Wingy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 923
WOW!!! What a good post. It sent me flying haha.
AMEN!!!
I just drank a coffee, and working on the second one, when I read this I stopped the second one....I've been trying to get rid of that, but currently making it a chore to stop it. The past week or so, I've been drinking large glasses of water, after the coffee. Hmmm maybe drink the water first, then forget the coffee.
Thanks again, your post made me smile, it oozes with so many good things, and then some.
AMEN!!!
The pendulum has swung so far in the opposite direction, it has shattered the glass of the self imposed prison that I had built around myself.
I like it over here.
I like it over here.
Thanks again, your post made me smile, it oozes with so many good things, and then some.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 500
Very funny! I can totally relate to your post! I actually laughed out loud at your shaved legs post. It's great when you stop drinking too because you have extra money to pamper yourself. Thanks Alpha, you made my morning!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
this post brought emotion welling and tears to my eyes.... so clearly it's triggered me deeply and I'm going to look at that.
I stopped coffee most of this week. It was hell getting through the headaches but managed to taper down after a few days. Yesterday, I had one coffee. I like coffee. Today, one coffee. But already I've felt that maybe my sleep last night wasn't quite as good as it had been for a few nights. Already a little intestinal distress that wasn't there.
Dammit. Maybe I need to "give up" coffee long term.
But maybe I need more to focus not on the 'giving up' but on the 'what is opening up instead....'
Anyway, thank you for your post, your inspiration. And congratulations.
I stopped coffee most of this week. It was hell getting through the headaches but managed to taper down after a few days. Yesterday, I had one coffee. I like coffee. Today, one coffee. But already I've felt that maybe my sleep last night wasn't quite as good as it had been for a few nights. Already a little intestinal distress that wasn't there.
Dammit. Maybe I need to "give up" coffee long term.
But maybe I need more to focus not on the 'giving up' but on the 'what is opening up instead....'
Anyway, thank you for your post, your inspiration. And congratulations.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
For those that PM'd me asking how I gave up the caffeine, sugar, wheat, etc.
I saw my therapist after not seeing her for a few months and my jaw dropped to the floor. She looked 20 years younger and 40 lbs thinner. I asked her what she was doing. The Fast Metabolism Diet by Haylie Pomeroy. She told me what you had to "give up".
Pssshhhhttt, yeah. That is SO not happening.
A couple of weeks later, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. He looked the best I have ever seen him (despite his two pack a day habit). Yep, The Fast Metabolism Diet.
Hhhmmmmm. Intriguing. But still no.
The clincher was seeing another friend who had always been overweight her whole life. She's now a size 6.
Yep, it's was time to put on the big girl panties...
So off I went to research this thing, and low and behold, I decided to go for it. You have to dedicate 28 days to it. I thought, hell, I've had babies and climbed mountains. This I can do.
One week down and 8 lbs. EIGHT LBS IN ONE WEEK. I almost passed out when I saw the scale. Now, I know that that won't continue, but what a motivator ! I will finish the full 28 days because that is how long it takes for your body to detox and for you to reset your metabolism. It's strict. It's disciplined. But it's pretty easy once you commit. And the best part is I'm never hungry. With Weight Watchers, or jenny Craig or, gulp, Atkins I was always famished. But this is scientific. And fascinating.
The first three days were nothing short of grueling. The headache procured from no caffeine and no sugar paralleled being struck by a small anvil every 10 minutes. But I muscled through. And now, it's insane how good it feel.
Food tastes better, I swear. I was moaning while eating my breakfast of organic berries and raw almond butter on spelt toast and my husband gave me the side eye. I'll have what she's having...
But it was like I could actually TASTE food for the first time. I expect this is a benefit to not bombarding your body with processed crap and flooding it with nutrients.
So far, so good.
I saw my therapist after not seeing her for a few months and my jaw dropped to the floor. She looked 20 years younger and 40 lbs thinner. I asked her what she was doing. The Fast Metabolism Diet by Haylie Pomeroy. She told me what you had to "give up".
Pssshhhhttt, yeah. That is SO not happening.
A couple of weeks later, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. He looked the best I have ever seen him (despite his two pack a day habit). Yep, The Fast Metabolism Diet.
Hhhmmmmm. Intriguing. But still no.
The clincher was seeing another friend who had always been overweight her whole life. She's now a size 6.
Yep, it's was time to put on the big girl panties...
So off I went to research this thing, and low and behold, I decided to go for it. You have to dedicate 28 days to it. I thought, hell, I've had babies and climbed mountains. This I can do.
One week down and 8 lbs. EIGHT LBS IN ONE WEEK. I almost passed out when I saw the scale. Now, I know that that won't continue, but what a motivator ! I will finish the full 28 days because that is how long it takes for your body to detox and for you to reset your metabolism. It's strict. It's disciplined. But it's pretty easy once you commit. And the best part is I'm never hungry. With Weight Watchers, or jenny Craig or, gulp, Atkins I was always famished. But this is scientific. And fascinating.
The first three days were nothing short of grueling. The headache procured from no caffeine and no sugar paralleled being struck by a small anvil every 10 minutes. But I muscled through. And now, it's insane how good it feel.
Food tastes better, I swear. I was moaning while eating my breakfast of organic berries and raw almond butter on spelt toast and my husband gave me the side eye. I'll have what she's having...
But it was like I could actually TASTE food for the first time. I expect this is a benefit to not bombarding your body with processed crap and flooding it with nutrients.
So far, so good.
Pure Radio Rental
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Off course, of course.
Posts: 952
Soy Milk
Congrats to you!!! Great post...
One question.
Since I started with my personal trainer, I have been making myself a Soy Milk shake with pea protein powder, a tbsp. of organic peanut butter and some ice in a blender every morning.
Is this a bad thing? I saw that you have given up soy and I thought soy was very good for you.
Thanks
Dan
One question.
Since I started with my personal trainer, I have been making myself a Soy Milk shake with pea protein powder, a tbsp. of organic peanut butter and some ice in a blender every morning.
Is this a bad thing? I saw that you have given up soy and I thought soy was very good for you.
Thanks
Dan
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Good for you AO. I did a similar thing. For me I found that I could not resist my wife Chocolate Chip cookies. I would walk by them and have to have two. I would feel shame and guilt after eating them, realizing the calories but I could not stop myself. In short, I realized I was addicted - same with breads in fact. So I started Crossfit and they encourage a Paleo lifestyle in terms of diet. Basically, no processed sugar or wheat based products. As much veggies, fruits (natural sugars), eggs but no milk and meats and fish. I am down 13lbs in two weeks.
I am using my awareness to deal with the addiction and have applied the steps to my sugar and bead addictions. I made a homemade caesar salad (Garlic, lemons, parmesan, ground mustard, dijon mustard, canola oil) with fresh turkey breast on top. I also made croutons for my wife but abstained and as I preparing them, I noticed it felt the same as if I was making a drink for someone no I am sober. I could actually feel the addiction and my mind trying to will me to eat a crouton. I didn't but just sort of highlights how my additive personality and mindset is transferable. Processed sugar is the same.
Sugars and wheat both cause inflammation, which does a host of bad things to the body. I kind of look at this whole process of starting with the most deadly habits/addictions drugs, booze, cigarettes, diet...my list goes on an on.
I will say its important to try and maintain a semblance of balance though. Swinging too far in one direction even if its healthy can be counter productive. Balance and conscious awareness, as state of living in the present I believe are key to sustainable health of the mind and body.
I am using my awareness to deal with the addiction and have applied the steps to my sugar and bead addictions. I made a homemade caesar salad (Garlic, lemons, parmesan, ground mustard, dijon mustard, canola oil) with fresh turkey breast on top. I also made croutons for my wife but abstained and as I preparing them, I noticed it felt the same as if I was making a drink for someone no I am sober. I could actually feel the addiction and my mind trying to will me to eat a crouton. I didn't but just sort of highlights how my additive personality and mindset is transferable. Processed sugar is the same.
Sugars and wheat both cause inflammation, which does a host of bad things to the body. I kind of look at this whole process of starting with the most deadly habits/addictions drugs, booze, cigarettes, diet...my list goes on an on.
I will say its important to try and maintain a semblance of balance though. Swinging too far in one direction even if its healthy can be counter productive. Balance and conscious awareness, as state of living in the present I believe are key to sustainable health of the mind and body.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Hi Dan - well, soy is estrogenic. Which means it creates estrogen in your body. Which means, if you are a man, it will help to give you Moobs. 
I was a soy fanatic about ten years ago and was sicker than a dog. Haylie states in her book that when a celebrity client comes to her and needs to look "sickly" for a role, she put them on a soy diet.
But I am no nutritionist. And I'm sure there are a slew of people here who regularly consume soy and will defend its honor. I'm just not one of them.
I was a soy fanatic about ten years ago and was sicker than a dog. Haylie states in her book that when a celebrity client comes to her and needs to look "sickly" for a role, she put them on a soy diet.
But I am no nutritionist. And I'm sure there are a slew of people here who regularly consume soy and will defend its honor. I'm just not one of them.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Soy and regular milk are both fine depending on body type. There is a book if you want to learn more about how your body processes food. You can try a cleanse and then add back dairy and see the reaction to determine how you body processes. For most dairy causes inflammation and is difficult to digest. Soy is better but almond milk or coconut milk are better than Soy. Also, check if Soy is natural or if flavors are added - stay away from any flavoring.
The Perfect Gene Diet: Use Your Body's Own APO E Gene to Treat High Cholesterol, Weight Problems, Heart Disease, Alzheimer's...and More!: Pamela McDonald NP, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer Dr.: 9781401928483: Amazon.com: Books
The Perfect Gene Diet: Use Your Body's Own APO E Gene to Treat High Cholesterol, Weight Problems, Heart Disease, Alzheimer's...and More!: Pamela McDonald NP, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer Dr.: 9781401928483: Amazon.com: Books
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