cleospinz30

Hello to all,

I am a newcomer 26 days sober and have been attending two meetings a day for that 26 days as well as using a sponsor . Just this past week I have notice a change and shift in my attitude towards the program.. I went from holding on for dear life and sucking up everything I could get too what the hell am I doing here?? This depressing.. Do I really need to be here etc.. Any advice would help! Is this normal?? Should I just keep going back ? It's very frustrating !

Thanks in advance to all that offer their time!

Taking5

What step are you on? What have you done with the said sponsor so far in terms of step work?

doggonecarl

I know it's common, when newly sober, to question our need to be in recovery, to question our being alcoholic. I imagine that could spill over to questioning our recovery method.

Are you thinking about leaving? What are you going to do in its place?

cleospinz30

Well currently me and my sponsor are reading the big book and once we get to chapter 5 , I will begin my step work.. As far as leaving AA I know it's probably not a good idea , I just don't know where all this is coming from! This back and forth with myself.. Within the past 6 months alone I have been to the psych ward, then rehab , crashed my vehicle for the second time while being intoxicated .. That alone got me into the door of AA .. Sooo I wouldn't understand why I would be having these thoughts of not needing the program or not having a problem with alcohol

TigerLili

I think it's normal to feel hot and cold about pretty much everything in life at different times. Some days I like my job, some days I want to quit. I still go every day because I need the paycheck and it would be detrimental to my life in general for me to quit every time I hit a rough patch in a job. I look at recovery the same way. When I stopped expecting to enjoy being in AA, I felt better about it. I liken it to taking a class. I turn up and do the homework, so to speak. I want the result that the process gives me, even if I don't love the process. Waking up every day without a hangover is priceless. If the cost is to have times when I don't like AA, so be it.

I've also found that the more I give to AA, to my homegroup, to other members of the fellowship etc, the more connected I am and it's not as painful to front up at meetings even on days I'd rather not be there. I didn't want to go this morning because I had a headache and felt a bit off colour, but I had a commitment to do a specific job to prep for the meeting, and a Group Conscience after so I just sucked it up and went.

TigerLili

The part of you that is addicted to alcohol wants you to keep drinking. You might see people refer to the AV, or addicted voice. Your logic and commonsense know you should want to get and stay sober. Your AV wants you drunk and until now, it's been pretty convincing about getting you there.

lisatrying

I wonder if your local hospital or medical center runs a Drug and Alcohol program. Mine does and its free. And good.

If you are struggling with any of the religious and powerless aspects of AA, which I think some people do, there is a great book called "Freedom from Addiction" by Deepak Chopra. It talks how you can reframe the wording of some of the 12 steps to help you look at things slightly differently, and from a slightly more empowered slant, if that helps you at all.

Definitely though keep going to some type of group though. I don't think many people can change without an awful lot of support. I certainly couldn't anyway.
Good luck

sobercatholic

You say you're doing 2 meetings a day. Maybe just try 1? The usual suggestion is "90 in 90." Ninety meetings in ninety days. You're on a pace for 180 in 90!

2muchpain

Personally, if I were you, I'd continue to go to the meetings, but maybe spice things up by going to others. Every meeting has its own personality. I still drop in for a meeting, but have reading a lot about RR, and I have been leaning in that direction lately. I try to keep all my options open. I figure, the more I know, the more tools I have. Congrats on your 26 days! Also, any chance your AV is not involved in your re-thinking AA? Just a thought.

Kaneda8888

Cleospin

I think its just ups and downs. That would be normal. THe key is to persevere with the program. As 2much suggested, try mixing it up a little. Go to a variety of meetings. AS well, focus on giving as well. Think of the newcomers who would be eager to hear your share and how it will benefit them by having you present !

TigerLili

When I first came to AA in 2008, I was desperate to know how people got a week, or two week or A WHOLE MONTH! People with a year or 5 years or 30 years didn't even impinge on my consciousness. I couldn't even comprehend it. I wanted to know how people managed to go a few days without drinking and what they did when they felt like drinking. I needed to connect with other newly sober people.

2muchpain

I don't know if this applies to you, but when I first started going to meetings, I worked my butt off to learn everything I could as fast as I could. I would constantly be asking questions and trying figure everything out. It was driving me crazy. I left those meetings feeling worse than before being angry at myself, frustrated, etc. But something happened, got off my back and tried to relax. I ended up getting a whole lot more out of the meetings this way, and I left feeling much better. Like people say, this is not a race. I thought of this when you said how many meetings you have been going to. Have faith in yourself, and trust others and it will all come around. RELAX!

Ruby2

I don't know if this will help but my husband and I are both alcoholics. He would get a bunch of sobriety time, sponsor people, regularly attend meetings and then something would happen. He started not liking the meetings. There was always something that someone said that bugged him and made him angry. The people going there were all a bunch of stupid jerks who didn't know what they were talking about. He could do it on his own.

We have been married for nine years now and I know from nine years of experience that when he starts doing that he is going to relapse very shortly. And he doesn't bother to moderate his drinking but goes from zero to sixty in five seconds.

From my own experience, the first time around trying to get sober I felt a lot like you described. Why am I here? What am I doing? Do I really need all this crap? I continued to drink for 7 more years. Getting worse all the way along.

I would say that perhaps it is your alcoholic voice trying to get you to drink. You said you have a sponsor. Talk to your sponsor what you have told us.

Joe Nerv

I'm with the other person here who said maybe ya might wanna try cutting back a bit. If 2 meetings a day works for you, and you're enjoying it, then great... but if you say you're getting sick of it, I don't think there'd be any harm in cutting it back to 1. Or better yet even, making different meetings. Hearing the same people day in and day out can get stale sometimes, and it's refreshing to see new faces, make new friends, hear new stories and experiences.

And FWIW, it took me 6 months sober before I was able to start feeling really connected with anyone or anything. Didn't really feel a part of AA, or like I belonged, till then. I believe your best bet would be to stick it out, especially since it seems you really want to be a part of it. As with everything else, this too shall pass. Next week you'll probably feel different. And the week after that, and next month too . It's all good, just keep doing what your gut tells you to do.

And while I know most people say you have to work the steps in order, and the only step you need to get perfect is the first step, I immediately started working a 3rd. First time I ever read it, in detox. And I believe it's what propelled me through all the other steps, and kept me sober when I hadn't a clue what I was doing. From day one I prayed diligiently asking that be guided, taken care of, and given the strength to live through each day and moment without alcohol or drugs. I put my life and will entirely into the hands of my HP.

1newcreation

There are only two times I need to go to a meeting- when I want to go and when I don't want to go
Easy does it:sounds as if you're trying to get results all in one day.

Carlotta

I completely agree with Joe. Also try to spice things up and do service or go to a retreat etc.. recovery does not have to be boring and a drag, it can be fun

deeker

Were u able to stay sober without AA? There is ur answer.

afloatsober

All of the things that we are doing are most likely going to help us get and stay well.

The alcoholic in us can't have that. So it's defense.... 'i'm not like them, it's a religious cult, they are worse than me, I can do this alone, this is boring, will i have to do this for the rest of my life, how can sitting around with a bunch of drunks help me?, oh the shame and weakness...' and so on.

Very convincing when i am in the mood to listen...

Time after time it takes people away from healing and gets them where it want's them. Alone, isolated and in the end very probably with that first drink in their hand. Might take days, months or longer.

If not AA try something else. But alone is hazardous.

G

sobercatholic

In addition to my suggestion to perhaps cut back to one a day, as well as the other fine suggestions made here, there is another, and it's taken from page 419 of the Big Book:

"I can do the same with thing with an AA meeting. The more I focus my mind on its defects-late start, long drunkalogs, cigarette smoke-the worse the meeting becomes. But when I try to see what I can add to the meeting, rather that what I can get out of it, and when I focus my mind on what's good about it, rather than what's wrong with it, the meeting keeps getting better and better. When I focus on what's good today, I have a good day, and when I focus on what's bad, I have a bad day. If I focus on the problem, the problem increases; if I focus on the answer, the answer increases."

Now that passage may not be entirely applicable to your situation, but just in case...

Mountainmanbob

I still get those thoughts from time to time
and that's with much attendance in AA and 6 years sober
I keep going back because I wish not to stop
doing what has been working just fine so far

it's pretty easy to hit two or three AA meetings a week

maybe we could call it a type of sober insurance ??

Mountainman