First time wanting!
Mr B
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Omaha Nebraska
Posts: 60
First time wanting!
So I've been doing good these past couple of months putting the tools that have been given to me with treatment, AA, fellowship and my sponsor and most important my higher power (God). Life has been good and I feel looking up for the better.
This morning I had the urge and wanted a drink so bad.... So here is what happened to make me want to just say forget it and drink. So a little background my mom takes care of my uncle who is a little slow and been that way since birth. He is in his mid 50's and doesn't comprehend a lot of stuff I feel. But he came over to visit my mom and asked my mom something and in turn frustrated my mom and she was snapping at him. I could tell he felt bad for even asking her the question. After he left I said calmly mom you shouldn't snap at him so much... One day is going to come where you wont have him and your going to live with regret and tell yourself then that you shouldn't have snapped so much. She in turn snapped at me and said "no I wont left with regret""Besides you kids are not going to take care if him if something happens to him" I said way to have faith in your kids mom! Her response was "not about having faith I know you guys wont he will be without" hearing that something triggered in my head. I simply got up and said way to have faith in us kids mom again and walked out!
I was angry and upset and wanting a drink. I feel that I have made great strides in these last 59 days with completing IOP, and signing up to go to continuing care with through the treatment facility where I went. I go to AA every day that I'm not in IOP. I feel and see my higher power has seen that I want sobriety so bad and he is helping me get through my days. But right now the tears are building because I'm ashamed of myself for wanting a drink or even thinking of it. This how I know that I am an alcoholic because I am wanting that drink to make these feelings go away.
Here is what I have done so far! I called two people who I was in my treatment facility and no answer... Called my sponsor and no answer. I'm okay with this as I know they are busy to and they will not always be there when I need them to be. I'm going to a meeting here in a few. I feel like this is just another test be throwing in front of me that I need to overcome and I know I will. I will be D*mn if I let this thing called alcoholism beat me again!
I'm to find a way now to turn these feelings around from wanting a drink to despising that no caring bottle.
Thanks for listening all!
This morning I had the urge and wanted a drink so bad.... So here is what happened to make me want to just say forget it and drink. So a little background my mom takes care of my uncle who is a little slow and been that way since birth. He is in his mid 50's and doesn't comprehend a lot of stuff I feel. But he came over to visit my mom and asked my mom something and in turn frustrated my mom and she was snapping at him. I could tell he felt bad for even asking her the question. After he left I said calmly mom you shouldn't snap at him so much... One day is going to come where you wont have him and your going to live with regret and tell yourself then that you shouldn't have snapped so much. She in turn snapped at me and said "no I wont left with regret""Besides you kids are not going to take care if him if something happens to him" I said way to have faith in your kids mom! Her response was "not about having faith I know you guys wont he will be without" hearing that something triggered in my head. I simply got up and said way to have faith in us kids mom again and walked out!
I was angry and upset and wanting a drink. I feel that I have made great strides in these last 59 days with completing IOP, and signing up to go to continuing care with through the treatment facility where I went. I go to AA every day that I'm not in IOP. I feel and see my higher power has seen that I want sobriety so bad and he is helping me get through my days. But right now the tears are building because I'm ashamed of myself for wanting a drink or even thinking of it. This how I know that I am an alcoholic because I am wanting that drink to make these feelings go away.
Here is what I have done so far! I called two people who I was in my treatment facility and no answer... Called my sponsor and no answer. I'm okay with this as I know they are busy to and they will not always be there when I need them to be. I'm going to a meeting here in a few. I feel like this is just another test be throwing in front of me that I need to overcome and I know I will. I will be D*mn if I let this thing called alcoholism beat me again!
I'm to find a way now to turn these feelings around from wanting a drink to despising that no caring bottle.
Thanks for listening all!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 183
DBj,
I think what you had was a knee jerk reaction to the intense feelings you had. Your brain just slipped into auto pilot and told you to drink. Just because you're mind gives you the urge doesn't mean you have to give in. Kudos to you for stopping, and NOTICING what was going on and reaching out for support!!!! Don't undo all the good you've done for yourself. You are on the right path! I count this as a victory!
I think what you had was a knee jerk reaction to the intense feelings you had. Your brain just slipped into auto pilot and told you to drink. Just because you're mind gives you the urge doesn't mean you have to give in. Kudos to you for stopping, and NOTICING what was going on and reaching out for support!!!! Don't undo all the good you've done for yourself. You are on the right path! I count this as a victory!
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