Day two struggles.
 

Its only day two and I'm struggling emotionally.

I know this sounds crazy, but I feel like alcohol makes me better. It reduces my anxiety, which helps me to be more productive, and face the things that otherwise overwhelm me. It relieves my social anxiety, making me outgoing and funny. It stops the ruminating thoughts that I feel keep me from bring happy.......curbs my anger, helps me let go of things that bother me......

So why am I quitting? Because I know its poison. But I still can't help but feel sad, scared, and overwhelmed.

Not sure what I'm looking for here, just needed to get this out.

Thanks for reading.

I realized after I wasn't dependent on it that it caused the Social Anxiety I thought it was curing. Hang in there.

It is hard at first to have to face things for real, but you can and it actually becomes easier than not facing it with the aid of alcohol. xxxxxxxxxxxx

Thank you for the support.

I drank for twenty years because I had anxiety. And, like you, for awhile it worked.
Then, I crossed the line into alcoholism and found out what anxiety really is at its worst. The days after a binge would leave me terrified, full of fear and anxiety that once was so bad I hid in the closet I was so freaked out.
I don't know how much you drink, but with me, it was progressive until I was drinking most every day.
I remember being on a three day bender and being scared to stop drinking because I knew what awaited me. Misery, insurmountable anxiety and remorse. It was a living nightmare.

It's been three years since I've had a drink now and all my mental problems surfaced. I faced them and sought help. One of my diagnoses is anxiety disorder. What I was masking for all those years was a mental illness.
Now I'm on medication for it and haven't had an anxiety attack since I've been taking it.

So be forewarned, if you think drinking helps you with anxiety, keep drinking and you'll find out the terror that is alcohol induced anxiety.
I truly hope you don't reach that point.

Welcome to SR! You'll find a lot of support here. Glad you joined us. :)

'Not sure what I'm looking for here, just needed to get this out'

Welcome iffyspidee! That is exactly what I was thinking when I made my first post too. I think it goes hand in hand with me being able to finally say the words out loud to my doctor and then my husband, that I cannot control my drinking. Just the admission made feel like something in me had been freed. And I want to keep that feeling.

I have already realized how much great support is here. Stay strong and take every day...every minute...one moment at a time.

alcohol really might improve you for awhile ... your mood, your anxiety, etc. but he is a false prophet ... if you haven't already (and you probably already have) at some point you will be able to tie bad outcomes to drinking whether its behavioral, health, etc.

Hi Iffy :)

I agree - it seems to help for awhile. I clung to it and relied on it for many years. In the end, it controlled my every move. I was completely dependent on it. It's not an answer - and as Ghostlight said - it makes the anxiety/fear/dread so much worse.

It's scary to let go in those early days without it - but I'm so glad you see what needs to happen. You'll be saving yourself from a life of misery & regret.