alphaomega

Snowed in again. Between the colder than the Arctic sub zero consecutive days we have been having, to more snow than The Good Humor Man. Hibernating like a bear, and getting a wee bit of the ants in my pants.

And that makes me mad.

I hate that damn AV that rears it's ugly head that tells me nothing would be finer then a glass (or 12) of a deep red Zin. By the fire. Curled up with multiple forms of reading materials. Makes shoveling more fun. Makes cooking the roast more fun.

Little Jackwagon is sneaking in all over the place.

No little Jackwagon, I'm an alcoholic. Regardless of the weather, I'm still an alcoholic.

I really don't have another recovery in me.

Harumph. :/

Dee74

Anything that voice says is a lie. No ifs ands or buts

Hope the weather clears soon tho

D

Notimetoloose

Shut that AV down, it lies.

Do you know that is exactly how I felt about giving up smoking, I had given up 10 years earlier for a year and then for no good reason took it back up. It took me ten years to find the heart / strength to quit again and forever.
Somehow I knew it had to be the final quit and dig my heels in no matter what the AV threw at me.

I dont know what you call it, if its a truth or fear or a final recognition of the facts but I think you have got this.

Deckard

AO, I find myself right now in a little town in Florida. It is warm, humid, sunny, and there are tons of bars. People wander around drinking all day … because, hey, it's warm!

AV logic: if it is cold, drink. If it snows, drink. If it is warm and tropical, drink…

I wouldn't trust it one bit.

alphaomega

So true Deckard ! So very very true.

letustrythis123

I am sorry and hope you come through the cravings. You sound strong.

fortunately or unfortunately, I had reached the point where alcohol was no longer something I enjoyed. I did enjoy it in the earlier days. It made cleaning more pleasurable, dreaded tasks more pleasurable, cooking more pleasurable. About a year ago, I lost all of that and it just made me lazy, number (something I appreciated) and then I entered the cycle of super depressed, need more to function. I guess at this point, it's good since I don't romanticize it. It's been three weeks only, but I think a lot about the miserable cycle I was in. Had I quit 2 years ago, I probably would have been wanting to pick back up because at that point, alcohol was treating me pretty well.

reflection

Nice job, AO!

PaulinaPolitely

WOW, my cycle exactly. Thank you thank you for the clarity..

Mags1

Hi AlphaOmega, don't listen to the av, you know how much trouble it has got us in the past. Cast it away with a flea in its ear.

I hope the snow clears soon, we've had a sliver of snow but it didn't settle, England doesn't cope well with a bad snowstorm, most of the country stops! Can you believe it. Though it was great about three years ago we got snowed in, fantastic xx take care

FreeFall

I get more antsy in the cold weather too. I do agree that the AV doesn't care what the weather is. Captain and cider in the fall, Bailey's in coffee in the winter, Fruity drinks in spring, and spiked watermelons in summer...there's a drink for every season. The nice thing is there is a non alcohol version of all of them

Jus

Alpha, I'm with you, I know I have no chances left, that little voice has a way of letting us know.

Good for you talking this out, you've got so many precious days built up, to ALLOW a little nagging voice get in the way of your recovery.

I've flipped a switch with the triggers. I slam on the brakes right away and put my triggers into something I enjoy doing. I repeat my mantra, it really works.

I just finished reading this.....how perfect to add it here for you to read

When your road gets tough
And your feeling low
Take a deep breath,
and let life flow
Look up at the sky
Watch the clouds drift by
Celebrate life's choices
And all you enjoy
Walk straight ahead
Hold your head up high
Let go of the struggle

alphaomega

This. Is Exquisite.

Thank you, everyone, for the love and support.

Darn thing was so loud and cunning yesterday. Funny thing is, I love my sobriety. I adore it. I cherish it. I think it's a gift. But last night, I was feeling "deprived". And depravity is NOT a good feeling to have.

I was fighting it and fighting it, and stuffing it down and stuffing it down, and that clearly wasn't working. Then, I closed my eyes and just....felt it....

Let it come up and through me.

Then it started to subside. But I had to give myself the self love to permit myself to feel the emotion. Without trying to circumvent it via, say, gratitude or counting blessings, etc.

Just allow it.

This morning I woke up, and it's gone. For now. And again, I'm on my knees in gratitude for my warm home, blankeys, kitten and puppies, food in the fridge, and the beauty and wonder that accompanies a winter wonderland. And a deliciously clear head. Aahhhhhhhh. I love being sober.

I'm going sledding.

Jus

Whewwwwww!!! Now I can relax again lol.

Happy sledding

Big hugs

alphaomega

Awwww, Jus. Thanks my friend for the extras boost of oomph that I needed !

Hugs.

Mizzuno

Alpha, making it through these little triggers will make for a much stronger Alpha. You are doing very well. In fact, you are doing fabulous.