I am tired of being an alcoholic.
 

I know this sounds weird. I watch tv where they are having a glass of wine, or I look at all inclusive vacations, and I think, wow, I can never do that. I have been making wine since I was young. It is something I enjoy doing and now, that is over too. I have all my pretty wine glasses. Hmmmmm.....I don't want to drink tonight, but I am tired of being an alcoholic. I would like it if after a certain sober time I could just be normal again. I know, silly thoughts, but it is strong on my mind. Anyone else feel this way?

Yes... I completely understand what you're saying. My sober date was September 15, 2013. Maybe that is normal for our timeframe. Sometimes I feel so grateful that I'm not drinking and then sometimes I just feel so exhausted from thinking about not drinking.

I think that sometimes too, but then i remember that I cannot drink responsibly. I will always return to destructive drinking. It might not be fair and I might not like it, but it is my fate and either I accept it and make the best of it or drink and ruin my life. There aren't any other options.

I also try and remind myself that I can do anyhing now that I am sober, and most things better. In fact, there are more things I can do sober.

I can totally relate! I see something on TV where someone is drinking a nice glass of wine and wish I could enjoy a glass again...but that was the whole problem. I couldn't just enjoy one glass....it always led to another and then another. I wish I could drink like a normal person, but I tried that and it failed every time :(

I did for a while...then I gave up wishing for something I knew could never be.

I realised too I loved the sober life I was building and I loved the man I was becoming.

You'll get there too huntingtontx - I look at my life now and marvel - I have no regrets. None :)

Keep the faith :)
D

Yes. Today I had the thought that I would be sober for a year then go to "Moderation". Then I shook my head and laughed. I know I can never drink again. oh well! :)

I can relate.. there are certain TV shows that I won't even watch anymore because it makes me lament over not have the luxury to enjoy a glass of wine. But, then I remind myself it is poison and that no one needs it.

Sometimes when I get a strong craving I will ask myself, 'what is the point?' 'What do I really get out of drinking?' Getting high/drunk just isn't worth it anymore.

What Dee said. :)

I used to wish I could drink normally but after I piled up more sober time I missed it less and less until now I don't miss it at all. I don't want to drink anymore. I like my life without it. :)

THIS is exactly how I feel, thank you Scott.

Just got done looking at Vacation spots in South America with family. I stopped as i started to get annoyed thinking about how I don't even know how to have a vacation in Mexico without a Pina Colada and tequila in my hand. I get jealous and for last 2 years kept thinking that I can become a normal functioning person that drinks on occasion. Then I wake up sick, cancel work, run to fridge for breakfast beer to start my day. I really don't want that cycle anymore. But sure wish I could do it.

Think about what else you are missing…hangovers, driving drunk, lack of motivation, crankiness, heartburn, saying and doing stupid stuff, etc…..

The vacation thing is the hardest part for me. No margaritas.

I broke all my pretty wine glasses over the course of time. While drunk. Dropped them on the floor. dropped them in the sink. slipped out of my hand. Accidentally kicked them over. Was drinking out of coffee mugs in the end.

But yeah. I was thinking "I can moderate. Sure, I can do it" earlier this week. Not. I can't moderate my drinking. I've proven that to myself over and over. It is a dangerous thought to entertain. I am glad I called the AV a liar and chose not to drink.

Thank you all for your responses. I am not wanting to drink right now, I just am tired of being an alcoholic. I don't want what alcohol does to me, I would just like to be normal, if there is such a thing. I have come to terms that I am an alcoholic. I also have a bad heart and have come to terms with that. I wish my heart were normal too. I love that I can air a feeling and get such positive comments. You all rock. Thank you.

For a finish the cheap nasty wine I was drinking used to make me gag the first few mouthfuls. I don't even think I would like the taste of wine as opposed to a nice herbal tea or a coffee.

I wish I was younger again. I used to run 15K races and half marathons. Now I have a drawer full of running gear that won't even fit anymore. I wore my hair like Brian Setzer from The Stray Cats. Now I don't even have hair. :(

I think I'll just sit here today and think about the past and how I wish I was still young. That won't interfere with me enjoying the life I have today, will it?

Well non, I guess it is better then trying to fit the clothes you can't wear and brushing the hair you don't have. It is all about acceptance isn't it. lol

the longer your sober the better it feels keep stong you will feel better

im wonderin why ya cant eventually go on one of them all inclusive vacations.
just because alcohol may be included in the bill doesn't mean it has to be drank.

there I was thinkin when I got sober that I couldnt go to concerts anymore.
when I did, just because there was alcohol/drug use happening didn't mean I had to join in.
and wouldn't ya know it, not everyone that goes to concerts drinks/drugs!! who woulda thought???
had a great time at every concert ive been to in recovery. and did it clean and sober!

You are correct that it comes down to acceptance or choice. You can choose to be tired of being a sober alcoholic, or a drinking one.

Great thread,