rove27

Wondering if anyone has had this problem. This is my 26 day of sobriety. I have never been able to last this long without AA. I joined AA on Jan 4. 2014 and only go once a week because I have a toddler at home and no sitter.
AA has been very helpful to me, my husband feels that I should get counseling to find out the underlying cause of my drinking. I have had counseling in the past and all counselors suggested AA.
I am frustrated because he does not understand. He feels that AA people have no experience in helping me. I feel that AA people know what it is like to be an alcoholic, and most counselors do not.

I appreciate any advice/suggestions.

2bhappier

My husband does not think I am an alcoholic and he things me going to AA and being on this board is "silly". I go anyway and get on here anyway. I feel like our spouses should support us if we believe there is something we need to do for ourselves. I can't really offer too much advice except my own experience with my husband. And, you could do both if you wanted to and had the means to do so. Regardless, it is your sobriety!

anchorbird

My husband doesn't believe in AA, but I also go anyways. It helps me and I feel like I am around people who truly understand me. Actually, my husband thinks that some day I will be able to drink normally (LOL).

Nonsensical

Make an appointment with a counselor.
Take your husband.
Ask the counselor about AA so your husband can hear a qualified opinion.

sobercatholic

Your husband feels that AA people have no experience in helping you, and yet with AA you've gone the longest ever in sobriety? Is he aware that this is sorta contradictory?

If he wants you to go to counseling, let him pay for it. Tell him that to be fair you'll pay for AA meetings. ;-)

suki44883

If you feel like AA is helping you, then your husband should just get over it. Your recovery is your business and if you're only going one evening a week, that's only one hour out of your life each week. It's not like it costs too much, either.

ScottFromWI

I would agree - if he wants you to see a counselor, it can't hurt anything. And I would also bring him with and bring up the AA question to the counselor so he can hear that it's a good thing.

12mancan

I would say that you need to use whatever tools that are available to you to maintain your sobriety. Try telling him that it doesn't and shouldn't matter tool you use, counseling, AA, meditation, church, SR or doing 10 jumping jacks on the hood of your car every morning before work... hopefully he understands that this is important to you and the result should be the focus, especially if you've already tried the counseling route in the past and it didn't work....

Congrats on 26 days!

advbike

I've read a lot of posts here from people trying to recover whose spouses do not seem supportive, or who act in ways that could sabotage the recovery effort. It seems there could be several reasons for this, most of them selfish. I agree with the others that you have to put your sobriety first, whether the other person "gets it" or not. Personally, I can't be around someone who drinks in front of me regularly or who tells me what I can and can't do with my own life, much less how to get help with my own recovery.

newhope01

I think surrounding yourself with as many people who have been successful in their recovery from alcohol is the smartest thing you can do. How is that alcoholics in recovery have no experience? I think they would know best.

I wonder if he gave alanon a shot if he would be better able to understand what your going through and the purpose of AA meetings. Couldn't hurt, right?

least

I think your husband is being selfish and short sighted. If AA is helping you, keep going. Good grief, it's only one night a week!

EverySngleNight

Does he want you to STOP AA completely, and see a therapist instead? Or, does he want you to seek the input of a therapist- rather than just going to AA alone? IMO, the more help the better. It's not going to hurt anything to get the input of a therapist. Neither has to be mutually exclusive- unless that's what works for you.

PurpleKnight

It's got you to Day 26 so far, so I'd be careful about stopping something that may be helping!!

sillysuzanfree

It would be helpful for him to understand that the reason for drinking is that it is a disease "an allergy to the body and an obsession of the mind"...perhaps a counselor could help him better understand that. if you haven't already, it might be helpful to go to a counselor that specializes in addiction. Chances are they are in recovery themselves.

KissMyTiara

I would invite your husband to join you at your open AA meetings. As an observer.

Anna

You know what works for you, so follow your heart.

Hollyanne

As suggested above, bring him to any therapist and ask the therapist whether AA is a good idea.
My therapist said she would stop working with me if I didn't go to AA or address the drinking in some fashion.
Went for years of therapy but kept drinking.
In fact, I made a habit of getting blotto after the therapist's appointment. (in NY)

Mikie9

If going to AA is helping, and it sounds like it is, my view is do not stop. I am trying to wrap my head around why he thinks you should stop, but have come up empty.

rove27

Thank you everyone for your wonderful advice. We had a long talk today. I really think that in his mind AA is for other people but not for his wife. Think he is having a tough time accepting that I am an alcoholic. I told him today that I will continue going because it is helping me and I will get counseling as well to work on the issues.

Great advice everyone!!!

rove27

Anchorbird, I can really relate to this, he thinks I can drink normally one day too!!