Mountainmanbob

assure your husband that it is a well known proven fact that
AA has helped thousands to recover from alcoholism

Mountainman


ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS is a fellowship of men
and women who share their experience, strength
and hope with each other that they may solve
their common problem and help others to recover
from alcoholism.

miamifella

If you go to a psychologist or social worker specializing in alcoholism/addiction you will usually find that they themselves are in recovery. I think it does help if you seek counseling if the therapist knows addiction first-hand

rAAt

I was told my sobriety was the most important thing in my life ,it had to to precedence over any job and any relationship, because without it I was nothing.

If your husband truly cares for you he will support your decision otherwise you may have to move on.

Mountainmanbob

let's not forget that the Lady is married with children ---- ok
just because we get the Program right away
does not mean the our spouses will understand
all takes time
for this is a new life for all involved
adjustments will probably need to be made (on all sides)

Mountainman

ExWinoMom

Keep going to AA. You will find yourself in the steps and the meetings. Your husband is not you. I have two kids at home and I get to a few meetings a week, I have my husband or babysitter look after my boys on Monday nights so I can go by myself to my home group, then I take my kids to other meetings. Your sobriety is paramount, bring your toddler to meetings if you can't find a sitter and don't feel guilty. People at the meeting are just glad to see you there trying to stay sober.
Yours in recovery
Bec

cusper

What does it matter to him if you go to AA or counselling? It's you that has to get sober. I would ask him why it matters to him where you go and his reasoning behind it. If AA is what is helping you, then go to AA. And maybe he can stay home with your toddler more so might have a chance to go more than once a week if you need to. Just tell him that you need and expect his support. Congratulations on 26 days!!!

MythOfSisyphus

I realize you have to diplomatic but I agree with these folks. You know the problem better than he does, and he's not the one that has to take his own advice! He isn't the one that needs to believe in AA- you do! You have to respectfully, tactfully remind him that you're the one that has to deal with the decision, not him. If he loves you, he should support you, not tear you down.

Marcher13

Rove would it help him if your husband went to Al-anon? He wouldn't need to commit to going forever but the experience might help him.

seanie1888

We must put our recovery first in our lives by whatever means.
everything else will become wonderful if we get well.
Best wishes

Nonsensical

It took me 25 years to figure out I can never drink normally. It only took my wife 24 years and 11 months.

IOAA2

Hi. I've and many others are of the opinion that gaining sobriety and staying sober is the #1 priority. That means before ALL OTHER REASONS. If not the all other reasons will usually be painfully out of grasp.
If your meeting is an open one I suggest bringing your husband to a few so he can see first hand as opposed to non factual beliefs.
Hang in there for yourself.

BE WELL

LadyBlue0527

Hi rove27, it hit me when I read this post. It's true testimony to the fact that non addicts will never understand the world of those of us who have addiction problems. They just simply don't get it.

For 15 years I put my husband through some intense verbal torture and emotional abuse due to my drinking. Still, he hung on hoping that there would come a day when I would wake up and see my problem for what it was. At the end we both hated the people that we had become, not each other, but who we were. It took me hating myself to make the decision to quit.

I will never forget the morning I made the decision and called him at work and tell him I was done with drinking. I knew that the marriage was over, papers would have been coming that week had I not done what I did. Even still, the decision was for me but that fact helped the process.

He answered the phone and I said "I'm done, I'm going to pick up a white chip today, I can't do this anymore". He said that he was glad to hear me speak those words and then his next question floored me

Even after 15 years of verbal torture he said "Do you think you really need AA?"

After what he had endured one would think he would have rushed home and drove me to a meeting.

They just DON'T get it.

You need to do what YOU need to do and not what someone else thinks is the way to go. Your recovery belongs to you.

ClearMind

My fiance would certainly have this same reaction. She doesn't believe that I am an alcoholic because I never drank every day. I never really bothered trying to make an effort to explain my issue, I took it upon myself to work my sober plan and I've used these great SR boards as support, and she doesn't even know that I sign in here. I really want to keep my sobriety and recovery process a secret from everyone in my real life. When someone asks me if I want to drink, I tell them no thanks, it hasn't been agreeing with me lately, I get severe hangovers, or I'm driving, or any combination of those reasons. I think we have to place sobriety first and foremost, no matter what anyone else says or thinks.

chickippo

my husband was very encouraging when i first went to AA. he had done al-anon and was all for it.

4 months later and we are separated. he was jealous of the time i spent at meetings, and in the end our lives diverged so much we realised we would be happier apart.

in moments of self-pity i think 'well, that's great. he wanted me to stop drinking, and as soon as i did he dropped me'. but, life on life's terms and all that.

if AA is working for you then stick to your guns. it's your sobriety and ultimately your life on the line here.

best of luck with everything.

stairs

Maybe you could see an addictions counselor who will most likely support 12 step meetings and they could help with your husband's perspective.

FreeOwl

good suggestions here....

perhaps your husband is feeling somehow minimized or left out. The Big Book talks about this a bit. It's natural for our loved ones to wonder "why is it that this AA thing helps and my spouse / loved one will commit to sobriety at THEIR bidding but not for me? Why wasn't MY help good enough".

Perhaps he even feels somehow threatened.

Bottom line; if AA is working for you - you need to keep going to AA because your sobriety is more important than anything else. If I were in your shoes, I would express this clearly. I would be willing to go to a counselor or take other measures my partner wanted to help them in their own 'recovery' from being in relationship with an alcoholic.... but I would not accept being harassed about stopping something deeply important to maintaining my sobriety.

It seems like what is needed is a blend of assertive boundaries of your own needs and balanced understanding of his.

I wish you luck!