Confession time...
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 891
Your story is different from mine..........rewind 5 years however, your story was mine (minus the spirits). My poison is beer, or wine for a while....."nursing beer" seems a crime for me!!! 
It gets worse, belief me! No one ever knew I was drunk.......i'm really short and quite slight, the amount of times people mentioned how amazing it was I never seemed pissed after so many pints of beer.......I took it as a token pride at the time......how wrong I was!!!
Welcome here, there re many wise words spoken here!
It gets worse, belief me! No one ever knew I was drunk.......i'm really short and quite slight, the amount of times people mentioned how amazing it was I never seemed pissed after so many pints of beer.......I took it as a token pride at the time......how wrong I was!!!Welcome here, there re many wise words spoken here!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 414
Originally Posted by ConfessionBear 
But right now all I can think is the liquor store near my work opens at 10am and what time can I take a lunch without it looking like it's too early. 
Not to rain on your parade, but from experience I can tell you that these obsessive thoughts about alcohol almost always signal addiction. Coming to terms with the fact that you might not be able to have "a beer or two" any more may be in your best interest.
Nice job pouring out that drink last night. How can you make sure you don't restock the booze on your way home from work today?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Southern US
Posts: 35
No, I get it. I have a problem. The obsession isn't a secret to me. I know I have that.
Well, I can't. I can't make sure I don't stop on my way home. I already keep looking at the clock. So if 10am is already a hard goal 5pm ins't exactly going to be easier.
Well, I can't. I can't make sure I don't stop on my way home. I already keep looking at the clock. So if 10am is already a hard goal 5pm ins't exactly going to be easier.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 286
Hang in there. As you can see from the replies, it took most of us a very, very long time to make the decision to stop for good. And we understand how utterly impossible it seems.
Until it isn't.
What blows me away most now is that I used to think "How will I get through the night without a drink?" and now I'm saying "I will never drink again." It takes a crazy leap of faith. Faith in yourself, faith in those who love you, faith in something bigger than yourself.
You'll get there. We are here for you when you need it.
Until it isn't.
What blows me away most now is that I used to think "How will I get through the night without a drink?" and now I'm saying "I will never drink again." It takes a crazy leap of faith. Faith in yourself, faith in those who love you, faith in something bigger than yourself.
You'll get there. We are here for you when you need it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
Posts: 746
Welcome Confessionbear. I totally relate to your first post here in that I really remember how hard it was to jump in and say/confess. Very few knew about my drinking, too. I remember sitting, looking at my first post, thinking, should I do this, should I submit. . .?
I think you are very wise to start this journey of sobriety. Again, welcome to SR. It's a great place for help, support, insight.
I think you are very wise to start this journey of sobriety. Again, welcome to SR. It's a great place for help, support, insight.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Well, I can't. I can't make sure I don't stop on my way home.
The fact is you can.
You can make sure you don't stop on the way home. You can make sure that you don't go out again.
It won't be comfortable and it won't be easy. But it is very achievable.
There's no painless way to get sober, Bear, but you have support here. You're not alone
I still reckon the pain of getting sober is less than the pain caused by drinking.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 286
Originally Posted by dax501
How'd the drive home go CB? Was thinking of you 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Southern US
Posts: 35
It was tough, but I made it. I was seriously thinking of your struggles, too, Dax. And I thought to myself, just driving past the place rather than pulling in? That's nothing. I can do that. I got home, Watched a couple episodes of a TV show I'm trying to catch up on, and went to bed early. The weekend's upon us. But I actually find it easier to avoid this during the weekend. So I'm glad that's coming. Thanks for checking in with me!
The weekend's upon us. But I actually find it easier to avoid this during the weekend. So I'm glad that's coming. Thanks for checking in with me!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: NY
Posts: 95
Yay! I'm so glad you drove past. I too had to decide to drive away from the liquor store today (posted about it in the January group). And it was all the stories and support and successes I read about at SR that made me drive the other direction.
Tomorrow I'm packing up my twins to drive 6hrs to visit family. That'll be a test, my mother & I have an... interesting relationship lol!
Tomorrow I'm packing up my twins to drive 6hrs to visit family. That'll be a test, my mother & I have an... interesting relationship lol!
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Welcome ConfessionBear! Sounds like you're ready to make some steps to rid yourself of this addiction. You may never be able to go back to having one or two beers casually, but that's okay. The things you will be able to do instead will be more than worth the trade. I avoided quitting for years because I was afraid of the word "never" and I don't wish that for anyone.
I have a very good friend who has a very similar pattern to her drinking as to what you describe. She is in complete denial, and seems shocked when we tell her we can tell when she's drinking. People think if they drink vodka that you can't smell it. I used to think that too. Not true-it has a very distinctive odor coming out of your pores. She drinks at work too, and messes up, and thinks she gets away with it (people don't confront her. They just don't want to embarrass her because she is well liked) but everyone knows what's really going on. The physical stuff is what finally brought it all out in the open. She's had about 12 trips to the ER in the last year. Now, they won't even admit her because it's alcohol related and she won't stop so there's nothing they can do.
Please don't let this be your story too.
The good news is we think she has stopped for the last week. She already looks better, and is back to her "old self" even after this short a time. I'm so hoping this last scare was an eye opener for her and she'll be able to turn it around-it has been a very scary year.
Try not to think real far ahead-just get through the hour, or the ten minutes, or even the minute. Ride out the craving. Plan ahead if you know it's going to be a tempting occasion though, plan how you're going to get through it sober...
I have a very good friend who has a very similar pattern to her drinking as to what you describe. She is in complete denial, and seems shocked when we tell her we can tell when she's drinking. People think if they drink vodka that you can't smell it. I used to think that too. Not true-it has a very distinctive odor coming out of your pores. She drinks at work too, and messes up, and thinks she gets away with it (people don't confront her. They just don't want to embarrass her because she is well liked) but everyone knows what's really going on. The physical stuff is what finally brought it all out in the open. She's had about 12 trips to the ER in the last year. Now, they won't even admit her because it's alcohol related and she won't stop so there's nothing they can do.
Please don't let this be your story too.
The good news is we think she has stopped for the last week. She already looks better, and is back to her "old self" even after this short a time. I'm so hoping this last scare was an eye opener for her and she'll be able to turn it around-it has been a very scary year.
Try not to think real far ahead-just get through the hour, or the ten minutes, or even the minute. Ride out the craving. Plan ahead if you know it's going to be a tempting occasion though, plan how you're going to get through it sober...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 31
Welcome ConfessionBear (Are you a Redditor?). I guess I can't speak from much of a position of authority, having a recent relapse, however, these people do speak the truth. I quit cold turkey (my second attempt) a couple of months ago. I made it 37 days with nary a drop. I had convinced myself that I really didn't have a problem after all. On Christmas this year my wife asked if I'd like to have a glass of wine to celebrate (she knew I had quit). This is a 20 year tradition for us so I said fine. I had that one glass and all was well. Well, after that night I "proved" that I could drink moderately, no problem. Shortly after that, I took a few days of leave from work (to spend time with family) and I drank progressively more every day, culminating in a serious bender (perhaps my tolerance had dropped or something?) through which I am currently suffering a 3rd day of the most terrible withdrawal I have ever known.
It took a few weeks of abstinence followed by relapse to convince myself that I have a problem with alcohol and I simply cannot drink. Ever. But the fact that I have a problem is very, very obvious. Perhaps my recent experience will help convince you that maybe any drinking for you might be bad. Don't be me.
Also, don't be afraid of "never". It sounds scary and permanent but in the context of poisoning your body such a concept shouldn't be feared. I wrestle with this too.
One of these days I'm going to sit down and write out a list of all the stupid/embarrassing things I have done as the result of alcohol, and watch the list progressively grow as I remember new ones. I suspect it will be a massive tome.
Good luck ConfessionBear. This is a great place for support from wise people who have "been there and done that."
It took a few weeks of abstinence followed by relapse to convince myself that I have a problem with alcohol and I simply cannot drink. Ever. But the fact that I have a problem is very, very obvious. Perhaps my recent experience will help convince you that maybe any drinking for you might be bad. Don't be me.
Also, don't be afraid of "never". It sounds scary and permanent but in the context of poisoning your body such a concept shouldn't be feared. I wrestle with this too.
One of these days I'm going to sit down and write out a list of all the stupid/embarrassing things I have done as the result of alcohol, and watch the list progressively grow as I remember new ones. I suspect it will be a massive tome.
Good luck ConfessionBear. This is a great place for support from wise people who have "been there and done that."
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,411
Originally Posted by haveaproblem
Welcome ConfessionBear (Are you a Redditor?). I guess I can't speak from much of a position of authority, having a recent relapse, however, these people do speak the truth. I quit cold turkey (my second attempt) a couple of months ago. I made it 37 days with nary a drop. I had convinced myself that I really didn't have a problem after all. On Christmas this year my wife asked if I'd like to have a glass of wine to celebrate (she knew I had quit). This is a 20 year tradition for us so I said fine. I had that one glass and all was well. Well, after that night I "proved" that I could drink moderately, no problem. Shortly after that, I took a few days of leave from work (to spend time with family) and I drank progressively more every day, culminating in a serious bender (perhaps my tolerance had dropped or something?) through which I am currently suffering a 3rd day of the most terrible withdrawal I have ever known.
It took a few weeks of abstinence followed by relapse to convince myself that I have a problem with alcohol and I simply cannot drink. Ever. But the fact that I have a problem is very, very obvious. Perhaps my recent experience will help convince you that maybe any drinking for you might be bad. Don't be me.
Also, don't be afraid of "never". It sounds scary and permanent but in the context of poisoning your body such a concept shouldn't be feared. I wrestle with this too.
One of these days I'm going to sit down and write out a list of all the stupid/embarrassing things I have done as the result of alcohol, and watch the list progressively grow as I remember new ones. I suspect it will be a massive tome.
Good luck ConfessionBear. This is a great place for support from wise people who have "been there and done that."
It took a few weeks of abstinence followed by relapse to convince myself that I have a problem with alcohol and I simply cannot drink. Ever. But the fact that I have a problem is very, very obvious. Perhaps my recent experience will help convince you that maybe any drinking for you might be bad. Don't be me.
Also, don't be afraid of "never". It sounds scary and permanent but in the context of poisoning your body such a concept shouldn't be feared. I wrestle with this too.
One of these days I'm going to sit down and write out a list of all the stupid/embarrassing things I have done as the result of alcohol, and watch the list progressively grow as I remember new ones. I suspect it will be a massive tome.
Good luck ConfessionBear. This is a great place for support from wise people who have "been there and done that."
I tried drinking in moderation nearly two years after stopping cold turkey with relatively little problem.
Seemed fine, seemed fine, but by week two I had tied one on. I also had the worst withdrawal ever, and realized that my body was done with booze even if I mentally still wanted it.
"Never" seemed like a long time when I first stopped, but now it doesn't.
Just another thing like being allergic to some drug. Now I look forward to waking up sober and knowing I am in control of my actions.
No lying, no hiding, no worry about alcohol anymore. It is actually extremely liberating--you can do this if you want it.
The view is terrific from this side, and I say that after nearly 35 years of drinking before quitting. I just wish I had done it earlier.
I wish you a happy journey CB. It doesn't seem happy all the time, but really it does get that way if you don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
This was exactly what happened to me as well.
I tried drinking in moderation nearly two years after stopping cold turkey with relatively little problem.
Seemed fine, seemed fine, but by week two I had tied one on. I also had the worst withdrawal ever, and realized that my body was done with booze even if I mentally still wanted it.
"Never" seemed like a long time when I first stopped, but now it doesn't.
Just another thing like being allergic to some drug. Now I look forward to waking up sober and knowing I am in control of my actions.
No lying, no hiding, no worry about alcohol anymore. It is actually extremely liberating--you can do this if you want it.
The view is terrific from this side, and I say that after nearly 35 years of drinking before quitting. I just wish I had done it earlier.
I wish you a happy journey CB. It doesn't seem happy all the time, but really it does get that way if you don't give up.
I tried drinking in moderation nearly two years after stopping cold turkey with relatively little problem.
Seemed fine, seemed fine, but by week two I had tied one on. I also had the worst withdrawal ever, and realized that my body was done with booze even if I mentally still wanted it.
"Never" seemed like a long time when I first stopped, but now it doesn't.
Just another thing like being allergic to some drug. Now I look forward to waking up sober and knowing I am in control of my actions.
No lying, no hiding, no worry about alcohol anymore. It is actually extremely liberating--you can do this if you want it.
The view is terrific from this side, and I say that after nearly 35 years of drinking before quitting. I just wish I had done it earlier.
I wish you a happy journey CB. It doesn't seem happy all the time, but really it does get that way if you don't give up.
From Day 19
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 286
Originally Posted by Kris47
This is not a movie but real life and once we alcoholics figure that out, we can change the ending to a better and good one. Hope you can join us in trying.
From Day 19
From Day 19
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