Confession time...
International Man of Mystery
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Richmond VA
Posts: 213
I think you'll find a lot of people that will relate here. I sure can.
Drank in the morning to fight off the feeling of drinking the night before. I would bring a 12 pack in my backpack to work and would sneak off, crack them open throughout the day. Rotated stores. God forbid the clerk thought I was a drunk even though I was only buying beer (started a thread on this).
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...te-stores.html
I was never good at hiding. Always drunk around friends. Sorta became my thing. Jon knows how to party. I think they'd be shocked however about how much I drank when alone.
At any rate. Welcome. This is in active site. Post, ramble, read. Check out the chat room. I just started using it. It's a good alternative to going out and buying a 12 pack.
Drank in the morning to fight off the feeling of drinking the night before. I would bring a 12 pack in my backpack to work and would sneak off, crack them open throughout the day. Rotated stores. God forbid the clerk thought I was a drunk even though I was only buying beer (started a thread on this).
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...te-stores.html
I was never good at hiding. Always drunk around friends. Sorta became my thing. Jon knows how to party. I think they'd be shocked however about how much I drank when alone.
At any rate. Welcome. This is in active site. Post, ramble, read. Check out the chat room. I just started using it. It's a good alternative to going out and buying a 12 pack.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 286
Good job on your confession. I know it was difficult and I'm proud of you. I think you'll be amazed and relieved to stop the sneaking around. It's one of those things where you don't realize how much of your energy it takes until you stop doing it. It is so freeing. Glorious, really.
We've all tried to set boundaries on ourselves through the years (from experience and this forum, the most common ones seem to be "no drinking alone", "no drinking at or before work" and "no sneaking drinks" -- so you are not alone there). If we are here, then we've either realized those boundaries are not workable for us or, like yourself, are wondering if they are. You'll find your answer at some point and whatever it is, we'll be here for you.
We've all tried to set boundaries on ourselves through the years (from experience and this forum, the most common ones seem to be "no drinking alone", "no drinking at or before work" and "no sneaking drinks" -- so you are not alone there). If we are here, then we've either realized those boundaries are not workable for us or, like yourself, are wondering if they are. You'll find your answer at some point and whatever it is, we'll be here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Southern US
Posts: 35
FreeOwl and firstymer, I'm not taking anything the wrong way. I promise. Your responses weren't in any way judgmental.
*sigh*
I drank already today... I have nothing with me, though.
But I have more at home.
I can only promise to do my best. I'll dump it and report tomorrow morning.
Well, I'll try...
*sigh*
I drank already today... I have nothing with me, though.
But I have more at home.
I can only promise to do my best. I'll dump it and report tomorrow morning.
Well, I'll try...
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Welcome Confession Bear. The bit about drinking in the morning struck the biggest chord with me. It was then I really thought, 'whoa, this is bad' I hope you find lots of support here xxxx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Lake Mary, FL
Posts: 159
Welcome to SR! So glad you are adressing this BEFORE everything falls apart. Because it will if you continue drinking.
Make a plan. Stick with it. I wish you success!
Make use of the tols on SR. We. Are all here for you...24/7.
Make a plan. Stick with it. I wish you success!
Make use of the tols on SR. We. Are all here for you...24/7.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 465
Welcome, confessionbear. Like you and others, I'm am able to drink moderately around people - sometimes- but when alone, I've got no sense of control. I've been the DD, too. After 3 months of sobriety, I realize the moderation was due to me not wanting to acknowledge the bigger problem and what I cover up with drinking and not wanting to have those around me see I have a problem (even though those times I couldn't moderate, I would get smashed in front of them). This place has helped me tremendously, I hope you find it valuable, as well.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by ConfessionBear 
My ideal future will be to never buy another gallon of vodka. Or any other size. To not drink that stuff ever again. To be able to have the 1 or 2 beers a week I used to be able to enjoy without thinking to myself that this is just a symptom of something greater.
Wanting to be a normal drinking has kept most of us chained to the addiction far longer than necessary.
I'm not saying it can't happen. If you aren't an alcoholic, you might be able to resume normal drinking. But you couldn't even quit today.
Much will be learned in the the recovery journey. Just don't ignore the lesson.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Welcome to SR CB. i also rotated stores, but my wife definitely knew i was drinking and was essentially living life without me. I was "high functioing" at work, but otherwise i was falling well behind.
Now i have given up alll intoxicants, life is fuller, more fun, i am far more relaxed and comfortable with myself. I am fitter and healthier. I am even higher functioning at work!!! For me alcohol was not a performance enhancing drug
For me the only option was sobriety- i could not sustain moderation and it was too much trouble anyway.
Now i have given up alll intoxicants, life is fuller, more fun, i am far more relaxed and comfortable with myself. I am fitter and healthier. I am even higher functioning at work!!! For me alcohol was not a performance enhancing drug
For me the only option was sobriety- i could not sustain moderation and it was too much trouble anyway.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,563
I'm so glad to meet you ConfessionBear. Our stories are very similar. I was so thankful to find SR, and felt my anxiety lessen greatly after my first few posts. Not feeling alone anymore meant everything.
I hid alcohol at work too. Also in my closet at home. My husband would think I just had a couple with him - but I'd visit my private stash when he wasn't looking. Shameful, but at the time I justified it. It's amazing how we rationalize. I always thought I'd get sober 'someday' - but couldn't imagine giving it up. I was still drinking when I came here - and it took me awhile to summon up the courage to let go. I read and posted and prepared myself for the big change that I knew had to come. I now have 6 years. You can do this CB - we're with you.
I hid alcohol at work too. Also in my closet at home. My husband would think I just had a couple with him - but I'd visit my private stash when he wasn't looking. Shameful, but at the time I justified it. It's amazing how we rationalize. I always thought I'd get sober 'someday' - but couldn't imagine giving it up. I was still drinking when I came here - and it took me awhile to summon up the courage to let go. I read and posted and prepared myself for the big change that I knew had to come. I now have 6 years. You can do this CB - we're with you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
glad ya found SR
im readin a lot of insanity.
ya want to quit before the bottom drops out, yet yer plan for quiting isn't to quit.
without the vodka, yer a moderate to desperate drinker, yet "I don't drink much when we go out with friends. I'm the one who nurses a beer, maybe two, for 3 hours."( lost me with these ones)
vodka is the only so called crutch, yet " It was almost a routine that I adopted more than anything. Grab what I need for the morning from the various hiding places. Funnel booze into this or that secret container. Etc, etc" plus "I have a funnel in my car and I hide my water bottles of vodka in the spare tire well in my trunk..."
seems theres some lyin goin on and if yer drivin drunk, yer also putting other peoples' lives in danger.
im not thinkin yer problem is vodka. I think its alcoholism.
the goal of being sober is great, but I don't think it can be possible and still have 1-2 beers a week.
I hope ya see the insanity in yer posts here and decide to do something abut stopping for good. I would not like for you to live with the knowledge that somewhere in your past ya caused the death of another human while drunk. that isn't something that just goes away.
im readin a lot of insanity.
ya want to quit before the bottom drops out, yet yer plan for quiting isn't to quit.
without the vodka, yer a moderate to desperate drinker, yet "I don't drink much when we go out with friends. I'm the one who nurses a beer, maybe two, for 3 hours."( lost me with these ones)
vodka is the only so called crutch, yet " It was almost a routine that I adopted more than anything. Grab what I need for the morning from the various hiding places. Funnel booze into this or that secret container. Etc, etc" plus "I have a funnel in my car and I hide my water bottles of vodka in the spare tire well in my trunk..."
seems theres some lyin goin on and if yer drivin drunk, yer also putting other peoples' lives in danger.
im not thinkin yer problem is vodka. I think its alcoholism.
the goal of being sober is great, but I don't think it can be possible and still have 1-2 beers a week.
I hope ya see the insanity in yer posts here and decide to do something abut stopping for good. I would not like for you to live with the knowledge that somewhere in your past ya caused the death of another human while drunk. that isn't something that just goes away.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Middletown, CT
Posts: 102
Welcome Confession! Thank you for sharing, it's definitely inspiring. I totally used to go to different stores all the time too so the workers wouldn't think I had a problem. I also hid morning drinking of hard liquor from everyone, including my husband.
I'm 10 days sober today and it's such a relief to know I don't have to drink. Keep coming and keep posting
I'm 10 days sober today and it's such a relief to know I don't have to drink. Keep coming and keep posting
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,472
Welcome! Your situation played out a lot like mine. I started drinking after a breakup to take the edge off. I started buying "the good stuff" and only have a few drinks every few nights. Then it became every night alone at home. Soon, the quantity was to the point where I had three liquor stores I used to alternate between so I didn't look like an alcoholic to the store clerk. I was so relieved when a new store opened on my way home so I could add another to the mix. I really felt like I was getting away with something. I didn't drink heavily in front of people when I went out but I was always in a hurry to get home so I could do my real drinking.
After a few years, I started drinking in the morning on weekends. I used to love getting a good buzz going, making a huge breakfast and then passing out for the afternoon only to get up and get smashed later. It got to the point that I couldn't really remember much of my weekend from the time I got home on Friday until the horrible Monday morning reality of it all.
Then, people at work started to notice because they could smell the liquor on me from the night before coming out my pores. It was then, for some reason, that I finally started to admit to myself I had a problem. It wasn't long before I came here and made a change for the better. I'm glad you have come here as well!
After a few years, I started drinking in the morning on weekends. I used to love getting a good buzz going, making a huge breakfast and then passing out for the afternoon only to get up and get smashed later. It got to the point that I couldn't really remember much of my weekend from the time I got home on Friday until the horrible Monday morning reality of it all.
Then, people at work started to notice because they could smell the liquor on me from the night before coming out my pores. It was then, for some reason, that I finally started to admit to myself I had a problem. It wasn't long before I came here and made a change for the better. I'm glad you have come here as well!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
Welcome to SR!
A lot of what you wrote sounds like my experience.
You may think nobody knows, but there is something keeping score, and that's your body. It's breaking down slowly (the morning drinking to "right your ship" is a key sign) but that process will speed up.
You might fool a lot of people, but you can't fool biology. Keep it up and eventually you will crash and burn. And since nobody expects anything, it will probably be a spectacular event.
A lot of what you wrote sounds like my experience.
You may think nobody knows, but there is something keeping score, and that's your body. It's breaking down slowly (the morning drinking to "right your ship" is a key sign) but that process will speed up.
You might fool a lot of people, but you can't fool biology. Keep it up and eventually you will crash and burn. And since nobody expects anything, it will probably be a spectacular event.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: My city of ruins...
Posts: 593
Much good advice here - take heed of all and use what works for you.
All I wanted to share is that when I bought my first bottle of cheap vodka I knew, right then and there, that I was in trouble. Took a year to actually get sober, but that day, standing in line with my pretty blue bottle of poison I knew. I never drank anything hard prior and here I was buying vodka at 10am. That was a serious wake up call for me. Vodka at 10 am is not normal behavior. Especially when you really don't like the stuff! It was a turning point for sure.
All I wanted to share is that when I bought my first bottle of cheap vodka I knew, right then and there, that I was in trouble. Took a year to actually get sober, but that day, standing in line with my pretty blue bottle of poison I knew. I never drank anything hard prior and here I was buying vodka at 10am. That was a serious wake up call for me. Vodka at 10 am is not normal behavior. Especially when you really don't like the stuff! It was a turning point for sure.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA Virginia
Posts: 294
Hi Cb...I bet you're lurking!! I was so good at hiding empty mini bottles in the trash..inside other containers..etc. you say no one notices..but I'll bet if you quit everyone will comment on how great you look or how different you seem or if you got a new haircut. You'll be healthier..and that has a "look". As for just the random beer..I just have a question..why? If its only while with others and its not enough to get a buzz and you are the dd anyway then why even have the one? Anyway..I tried it..thought I could gave a glass of wine and in 3 weeks I was back to 5 shots of whiskey every night after work..much much more on weekends. Its hard to tell friends you are not drinking. And..you drink one they won't even question you. Right? Cause they likely wouldn't pay attention if you at least had one. Right? It is so great that you have decided to give up this burden. Welcome and be strong. Everyone had to do what's right for them. We'll be here for you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Hey ConfessionBear, Welcome, this really is a wonderful place. I have learnt so much here.
I am sure you will like it and learn as well.
Congratulations on giving up smoking, it is not easy and takes perseverance, I also have given up smoking.
I have a question for you.
Do you believe that you can have a couple of cigarettes a week without triggering a return to nicotine addiction?
I am sure you will like it and learn as well.
Congratulations on giving up smoking, it is not easy and takes perseverance, I also have given up smoking.
I have a question for you.
Do you believe that you can have a couple of cigarettes a week without triggering a return to nicotine addiction?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Southern US
Posts: 35
Hi again all! A lot of you hit some really good nerves in the posts I missed.
@peaches58, not lurking so much.
Just not available at certain hours. Don't worry, not for any bad reason!
So, an update. I'm so used to lying this is a little weird. Anyway:
I got home with every intention of getting rid of what I had left. I dumped everything except maybe three ounces, which I had with a coke. I didn't finish it. But I tasted enough. I was embarassed. Really? I was embarassed. And I was ALONE. But okay, I threw the rest out. And I went to bed. Pretty early, too.
I put on amovie I knew would make me fall asleep and I slept for a good 9 hours. I woke up feeling alright, but had a few coughs. Maybe you know the coughs I'm talking about. I get the idea my experiences are similar to those others have had...
And the routine was what got me this morning. Heading out the door without what I usually do. Right now, I can't lie, I didn't care for it... But I'm reading and absorbnig and I know it'll be worth it.
But right now all I can think is the liquor store near my work opens at 10am and what time can I take a lunch without it looking like it's too early.
But okay, I haven't disappeared yet. I'm reading and lurking. ;-)
Oh! @tomsteve. That was a typo. Ugh. Couldn't have been a worse autocorrect if I tried! I think I may have misspelled "sparing." Or something, I'm not sure. But wow, really sorry for that misunderstanding!
EDIT: I shoudl be more specific, so no one has to go scolling up. I said I drink "desperately" when around friends in the middle of a sentence where I Was trying to explain I hardly drink when I'm out with friends. It was a typo!
@peaches58, not lurking so much.
Just not available at certain hours. Don't worry, not for any bad reason!So, an update. I'm so used to lying this is a little weird. Anyway:
I got home with every intention of getting rid of what I had left. I dumped everything except maybe three ounces, which I had with a coke. I didn't finish it. But I tasted enough. I was embarassed. Really? I was embarassed. And I was ALONE. But okay, I threw the rest out. And I went to bed. Pretty early, too.
I put on amovie I knew would make me fall asleep and I slept for a good 9 hours. I woke up feeling alright, but had a few coughs. Maybe you know the coughs I'm talking about. I get the idea my experiences are similar to those others have had...
And the routine was what got me this morning. Heading out the door without what I usually do. Right now, I can't lie, I didn't care for it... But I'm reading and absorbnig and I know it'll be worth it.
But right now all I can think is the liquor store near my work opens at 10am and what time can I take a lunch without it looking like it's too early.
But okay, I haven't disappeared yet. I'm reading and lurking. ;-)
Oh! @tomsteve. That was a typo. Ugh. Couldn't have been a worse autocorrect if I tried! I think I may have misspelled "sparing." Or something, I'm not sure. But wow, really sorry for that misunderstanding!
EDIT: I shoudl be more specific, so no one has to go scolling up. I said I drink "desperately" when around friends in the middle of a sentence where I Was trying to explain I hardly drink when I'm out with friends. It was a typo!
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