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I dont know what to do - Please help

Old 01-28-2014, 03:27 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Thank you so much for your kind support and encouragement. Picking up a drink again isnt really an option for me anymore on account of my medical condition.

My drinking days are over.

I spent around 4 hours last night using "Stop Procrastinating" hypnotherapy, which induces a theta state in the brain and had a very strange waking dream, I suspect because of it.

I live in rather a large house anyway, but my dream was my house of the future with added rooms and extensions, where I could relax, read books, examine stamps and work. I had built a futuristic design centre on the property, where I could work and really be myself.

All the things I was programming into my brain, because of how I felt in the previous posts. The void, the absence.

I woke up feeling absolutely fantastic and very positive. I think I need to face reality that hypnotherapy is working for me, but doing it as and when isnt the way to use this tool for myself, I need daily input.

My prognosis is to continue to remain sober, daily hypnotherapy sessions and coming onto the Sober Recovery, where the supportive community probably stopped me from drinking last night, because of the support, I was given. I didnt want to let you folks down, so I didnt leave the house to buy booze. A big thank you for Autan.
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Old 01-28-2014, 04:15 AM
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Hi Autan,

Hang in there, you sound like your doing great.xxx
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Old 01-28-2014, 04:21 AM
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a thought that came up for me in reading your post;

do you really need the "old Autan back"???

Or are you prepared to welcome The New Autan into your life?

I can relate to some of the feelings you're describing. I think we have to go through a process of unbecoming to become again. And that can be scary and confusing but I believe that out the other side of it, with patience and faith, the New Us we are becoming will be an Us we love more than ever before.

Have a read of this article on life changes.... I think it applies to what we go through in sobriety.

Strategies to Deal With Every Phase of Major Life Changes - Oprah.com
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Old 01-28-2014, 04:23 AM
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Autan,

I understand the whole motivation thing. In the end, drinking robbed me of any drive. I assumed that I'd be recharged once I stopped drinking, but I haven't experienced that yet. Instead I seem to just be floating along -- getting just the barest minimum done (if that). As others have said, I think it's important in these early stages (I'm just on day 19) to focus on staying sober. I trust that you -- and I hope that I -- will become revitalized in due time. Also as others have commented, I have found your posts to be quite inspirational. It shows that you are immersed and active in achieving and sustaining your sobriety. Becoming so involved in anything can be draining. Eventually, though, it will become relatively automatic and you'll have mental energy for other pursuits.

Best,
ODog
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Old 01-28-2014, 04:39 AM
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I have been seeing this happen to myself too. Oddly enough, once I started exercising and dieting, I started to feel a lot of motivation. I could spend $400/month on booze and feel like crap 24/7 or I could spend $32/month on a good gym membership.

Exercising seems to level my head. Plus I'm losing weight.
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Old 01-28-2014, 05:29 AM
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Originally Posted by autan View Post
In an ideal world, I would take 12 months off and get myself right, but in reality I need to find a way to jump start my system besides drinking. Any suggestions, I have tried more coffee, I have tried exercise.

I need the old Autan back, I need the wit, the drive and enthusiasm. I need me to be me.

This is probably making no sense at all.
Your mind is struggling to find the endorphin activation it used to have. Exercise, coffee, etc, may have a similar effect, but probably not the same. I agree with everyone else: this is normal. I went through it myself and had a particular tough period between months two and four where I struggled to find the same type of motivation you're seeking.

Sometimes booze can create a superhero personality that juxtaposes against our "normal" self. That alone can make alcohol very enticing. That personality is artificially-created, but naturally re-created. In other words, you can become that "superhero" as a sober person. You just need to believe. That sounds hokey, but it's essentially true. It's a matter of perspective, attitude and giving yourself and your mind more time to dry out and have a clear head.
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Old 01-28-2014, 05:33 AM
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I'm sorry, my friend, you do not get the old you back when you sober up. That is a hard truth.
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Old 01-28-2014, 07:51 AM
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Originally Posted by autan View Post
In an ideal world, I would take 12 months off and get myself right, but in reality I need to find a way to jump start my system besides drinking. Any suggestions, I have tried more coffee, I have tried exercise.

I need the old Autan back, I need the wit, the drive and enthusiasm. I need me to be me.

This is probably making no sense at all.
Makes perfect sense to me. I felt like I was going through the motions for a long time. And I think that's exactly what I needed to do. I couldn't just carry on like I was before because I had changed too much. I think I thought I was motivated and enthusiastic before I quit drinking but really I just couldn't let the front down and show how dysfunctional I really was. Once I had quit drinking and I had nothing left to hide I think I let my guard down and collapsed in a heap. It took me a while to realise that I did actually have to function sober too, I couldn't just stop drinking and everything else would just magically happen... Do what you can no matter how little and if other things have to go on the back burner then so be it. Don't try and wish you were on another part of the path than you are x
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Old 01-28-2014, 07:56 AM
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I felt the exact same way you did earlier on and it still visits once in awhile. That feeling of slogging through mud where you don't want to do anything. I think mainly, it's our body saying it needs a break. Alcohol creates so much chaos, we just need a rest from all the changes when you stop.

When I was drinking I would try to do everything 200%...after all, an alcoholic couldn't hold down a demanding job, or be a good caretaker, or get everything done right? If I did everything I was supposed to, so what if I liked drinking? When you stop, all that extra pressure you put on yourself goes away. It almost created the opposite in me lol "now that I don't drink I don't have to be so damn responsible all the time"

Hang in there, after awhile you'll notice more energy starting to creep back. Lots of water! Lots of naps and showers. Anything to shake you out of the stupor...
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Old 01-28-2014, 08:03 AM
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I wasn't very up on PAWS, but after reading Dee's link, it does seem like maybe it's what you're experiencing, Autan. I have been going through it quite a bit the past several weeks as well. It's interesting to note that we should give up caffeine and sugar - both have been heavily present in my diet over the past few months and now that I know the consequences, I'm going to cut them both out for the time being. Maybe reduce caffeine, anyway. Maybe not necessarily cut it out.... I love me some coffee.
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Old 01-28-2014, 02:52 PM
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Originally Posted by ClearMind View Post
I wasn't very up on PAWS, but after reading Dee's link, it does seem like maybe it's what you're experiencing, Autan. I have been going through it quite a bit the past several weeks as well. It's interesting to note that we should give up caffeine and sugar - both have been heavily present in my diet over the past few months and now that I know the consequences, I'm going to cut them both out for the time being. Maybe reduce caffeine, anyway. Maybe not necessarily cut it out.... I love me some coffee.
Stop drinking alcohol - Check
Stop smoking - 3 years later - check
Stop adding salt - Check

Stop Coffee - Never, no compromise. I am a coffeeholic to the day I die, there is no 12 steps, there is no steps.

I must admit, drinking was a big part of my life, but coffee is the reason I get up in the morning. Life just is not worth living without it. PAWS or not, coffee is out of bounds, you might as well castrate me and throw me in a brothel. Thats what work would be like without coffee.

(Pardon, the fun banter at the end there, its been a long day).
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Old 01-28-2014, 03:03 PM
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Originally Posted by foolsgold66 View Post
I'm sorry, my friend, you do not get the old you back when you sober up. That is a hard truth.
It might be what you see as your truth FG, but it doesn't match my experience.

It took some time and some work, but I did get the old me back, and a little more besides.

D
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Old 01-28-2014, 03:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
It might be what you see as your truth FG, but it doesn't match my experience.

It took some time and some work, but I did get the old me back, and a little more besides.

D
Ok, so we disagree. I thought I was making a lot of sense, but I guess it isn't going to be true for everyone. My old me is a drunk guy doing his best but awfully screwed up.

ETA I guess I would be interested in what others think.
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Old 01-28-2014, 03:35 PM
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I can slowly feel the real me coming back Autan .
I'm 7 months in and feeling that little bit better every single day .
I think i will come out of this in a better state as i feel i have been given a second chance.

I thought i was going to die .

I noticed now that when i laugh , I'm really laughing . It's not forced .

I believe you will come out of this experience a better person ;-) hang in there

Xx

We all have our own journeys and life is what you make it :-)
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Old 01-28-2014, 06:25 PM
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These ups and downs are driving me insane.
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