Thank you for thirty....
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Thank you for thirty....
Hey SR community; Thank you.
Today, for the second time that I can recall in decades, marks 30 days of sobriety for me.
The first was about a year and a half ago, when I made it to almost 6 months before deciding I was OK to include alcohol in my life - which turned out to be dead wrong.
There are some differences this time;
1 - So far, while I've had various thoughts about drinking, I have not wanted to
2 - Instead of thinking in the back of my mind about maybe one day being able to drink again - I'm thinking about maybe one day being stable in my sobriety and using that to help others make the choice of sobriety
3 - This time, I have a sponsor
4 - This time, I am actively working the steps
5 - This time, I'm focusing on really trying to understand the nature of Spirit - that which I've long been reluctant to call "God" even though I've felt and interacted with it and seen it's presence in my life.... I'm still hesitant to use that "God" term for all it represents to me - but I'm willing and open and daily taking efforts to better understand and know it in my life.
6 - I am more afraid. The first time around, I was kind of anxious because of a hell of a bender and blackout that shook and rattled me a bit.... but eventually managed to let my AV talk me into it being some sort of fluke experience rather than the continued worsening of obvious patterns in my life. This time - I'm actually SCARED of a relapse. And while I don't let that fear rule me or run rampant - I use it as a reminder of where I do not want to ever go.
7 - I sat down one day, googled "recovery forums", and found this place.
I have since come here at least daily. Often many times per day, as I work on a computer all day long and can easily click over to this forum and read a few posts.
This place has brought me an always-there source of inspiration, community, togetherness.... it helps keep the isolation, shame, sense of 'being different' or 'broken' at bay because of all that I find here. Maybe more than anything else, this community has helped me see just how clearly my life experience aligns with the progression of alcoholism and just how many others 'out there' have suffered with the same things.
Thank you all, for helping me stay sober for the past month, and today... and tomorrow.... and the next day.... and the next day....
Today, for the second time that I can recall in decades, marks 30 days of sobriety for me.
The first was about a year and a half ago, when I made it to almost 6 months before deciding I was OK to include alcohol in my life - which turned out to be dead wrong.
There are some differences this time;
1 - So far, while I've had various thoughts about drinking, I have not wanted to
2 - Instead of thinking in the back of my mind about maybe one day being able to drink again - I'm thinking about maybe one day being stable in my sobriety and using that to help others make the choice of sobriety
3 - This time, I have a sponsor
4 - This time, I am actively working the steps
5 - This time, I'm focusing on really trying to understand the nature of Spirit - that which I've long been reluctant to call "God" even though I've felt and interacted with it and seen it's presence in my life.... I'm still hesitant to use that "God" term for all it represents to me - but I'm willing and open and daily taking efforts to better understand and know it in my life.
6 - I am more afraid. The first time around, I was kind of anxious because of a hell of a bender and blackout that shook and rattled me a bit.... but eventually managed to let my AV talk me into it being some sort of fluke experience rather than the continued worsening of obvious patterns in my life. This time - I'm actually SCARED of a relapse. And while I don't let that fear rule me or run rampant - I use it as a reminder of where I do not want to ever go.
7 - I sat down one day, googled "recovery forums", and found this place.
I have since come here at least daily. Often many times per day, as I work on a computer all day long and can easily click over to this forum and read a few posts.
This place has brought me an always-there source of inspiration, community, togetherness.... it helps keep the isolation, shame, sense of 'being different' or 'broken' at bay because of all that I find here. Maybe more than anything else, this community has helped me see just how clearly my life experience aligns with the progression of alcoholism and just how many others 'out there' have suffered with the same things.
Thank you all, for helping me stay sober for the past month, and today... and tomorrow.... and the next day.... and the next day....
I'm glad you're doing so well. 
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