Threshold

I hear you. I wish I could go back to a number of things I did and enjoyed when I was younger. I can't. Either literally or because the consequences now wouldn't be positive as they were when I was younger.

I have a number of conditions and realities that weren't there before...BUT...I also have things I can do and enjoy now that were not an option THEN.

Life changes, it's normal to get wistful about stuff now and again. And it's normal to accept the changes and take advantage of new opportunities that our new situations in life allow us.

It's ok if I let it be.

but yeah ((((hugs)))) sometimes I get wistful too.

LadyBlue0527

I also agree with this. So the question is really if we would want to go back to the point where we didn't realize that we had a problem or were unaware of what the future held for us?

Which leads me next to the question as to the point that led us to sobriety. Was it really that we were finally sick and tired of ourselves or is it that we finally realized that no matter how it's spun all roads lead back to the same result? That we gave in to the fact that trying to drink normally is nothing more than an exercise in futility and that we were sick of the bs that resulted from trying? The negative results of drinking finally outweighed the effort involved to convince ourselves that we would be fine.

Finally, we all want to think that we can be normal and drink like someone who is normal. We were never normal nor will we ever be, why do we keep wanting to think that will ever change?

The further away I get from my last drink the more clear the answer to that question becomes and the less brainwashed I am by alcohol. I know and accept that there really was never somewhere to go back to with my drinking that was normal whether I want to think that there was or not. It all ended the same way.

IreLander

My past could have killed me, my future is going to save me. I want to stay as far away from my past as I can. But that's just me.

Aellyce

I also recall many similar experiences when I had a great time with a friend or lover cooking together and sharing bottles of wine, eating out in restaurants and going through the full tradition of drinks (aperitif, wine with the meal, liquors afterward). I really thought those were good times, but thinking back they were already drinking to excess... And I have not had that experience for many years now as I became a lone drinker at home.

Going back? I definitely don't want to, whenever I recall even the "good" times there are always many other, much less pleasant, memories surfacing with them. I really was never the person I wanted to be, and I'm much more interested in focusing on complex improvements now. Old memories don't give me any positive nostalgia at this point but am quite interested in the possibilities and potentials that the future could hold. I am also learning to live in the present much better now. I think there are many great experiences and activities that can be enjoyed and shared with others without having to involve booze or drugs... I totally understand the nostalgia some tend to feel but I don't, not at this point.

CAPTAINZING2000

I'm not assuming you're an alcoholic or know if you attend aa but, there's a good page on 417 of the big book from Alcoholics Anonymous you might read to help you deal with your dilemma

BradJustBrad

Go back? No way. Coming to the realization that I want NOT to drink has been a hugely positive, life-changing experience.

adee

Honestly? No. I just want to go forward now. I want to get to a point where sobriety feels like a second skin. I'm not there yet, but that is the basket I'm putting all of my eggs in now.

I felt that way for years though - I get it. It just never got me anywhere so I had to leave that thinking behind.

Hope4Life

.... but not to DRINKING! I'd like to go back to my teenage years when my alcoholism was taking shape AND SQUASH IT!

SO many things would be different in my life now. Impossible to do.....

I am grateful that I am still alive and have not lost everything.

RobbyRobot

Yeah. This.

DoPerdition

No. I have thought about it a lot but I wouldn't go back. I have learned things through my struggles that let me enjoy and appreciate my life now. I like who I am despite my mistakes.