2muchpain

Had 17 days, now drinking again. I really don't want to go back to the shaking, sweating and anxiety. I really hate alcohol. I wish it was never discovered. But I have to admit, feeling mellow feels good. No worries, no anxiety. Nothing bothers me when I'm drinking. What bothered me yesterday is gone. I know this is temporary and will have to deal with issues tomorrow. But for now, I don't care. I want so much to be somebody else, yet I know that I am lucky to be who I am. I work when I want, workout out when I want, etc., but obviously something is missing. I have no reason to drink. Don't have any family problems or any other personal issues. My life is pretty much stress free. I am a retired teacher with a pension, so money is not a big deal. I should be doing some traveling or trying out new adventures, but instead, I drink. Can't figure out why.

KateL

I completely understand the not caring when drinking. I used to like it too, but it is only a temporary respite. I have learned to take the good with the bad, but it took a while. So, instead of beating yourself up, just try again tomorrow. I also admire your honesty xxxx

MamaGoat

You have a reason to drink. The reason is your an alcoholic. There is an allergy to the alcohol that sets off an obsession within you. That is what you have. There is a solution. I found it at AA and in the big book. Read the book start at the beginning. don't jump around it was not written to be read that way...it is a textbook. If you have problems understanding the big book then order the Joe & Charlie CD's and they explain it very simply. Go to meetings. Get a sponsor. But most important is not to pick up that first drink. Send me a message if you want a link to the CD's I don't have enough posts here yet to post it
(((hugs))))

alphaomega

Instant gratification. Not much effort is required of us to put a glass to our mouths. But, as any of us with this affliction knows too well, nothing ventured, less than nothing gained.

Maybe consider a hobby ? That takes you out of the home and away from the temptation ?

PurpleKnight

Escaping from anything is possible with alcohol, the problem is that feeling can't last for ever as the alcohol ears off or after a week long binge the body rebels!!

Dealing with why you want to be someone else and are not happy with who you are might be your answer!!

milly4me

Im only on day 7 myself so I'm not sure what I'm doing much less how to advise you...but you sound so much like me. I too have a fairly stress free life. I work part time ag a job i love...and I only work because I love the job. Still I drink excessively.

Ive been working really, really hard lately to figure out why. Sure a few cocktails at social events takes the edge off and things are easier and funnier. But why go beyond that? Why drink alone at home?

What I JUST found out about myself is how much anxiety I have. Paying the bills (even though there is enough money) stresses me out. Dirty dishes in the sink stresses me out. Cat hair on the carpet...I mean I always thought I was laid back and easy going - and I am when I'm liquor up.

I'd suggest you quiet your mind and really start listening to what might be triggering you to drink.

I'm working on leaving the dishes in the sink. Not worrying about how clean the car is. Just in general being less of a perfectionist. And I'm already seeing positive results in my mainframe.

Imabuleva

You will inevitably go back to the shaking, sweating, and anxiety. The severity of it is your choice.

Note: I'm only on day 6. But this is my experience. I never came out of a binge until my body simply couldn't handle it. Then it was hell.

Raider

2much, may I humbly suggest that you try this:

Sanctus Real - Pray - YouTube

adee

Because you are addicted to alcohol. You need to get sober to figure out the underlying reasons, but right now, it's simple: you drink because you haven't quit drinking. You are still stuck in the cycle of addiction.

Kensho

You sound like me two weeks ago (I’m on day 14). I’ve had a miserable cold all week that I haven’t been able to shake. I had the fleeting thought of taking just a shot of brandy to help me to sleep – but then thought, “Nah. That’ll just lead to a bunch of bother I don’t want, and I won’t really feel better.” That’s the mindset I’ve had so far, anyway.

I really, really liked to drink. Right now, it just seems as if it would be a chore. I hope that mindest stays.

Kayla50

I hope we can both quit. I have major depression and anxiety and I try to curb it with drinking. It's not working! I hope we can both find a resolution. We deserve better!!

DoPerdition

For me the problems kept piling up as I drank to forget them. Instead of one problem waiting for me after a binge (or let's face it, a bender) there were a whole mountain of problems that hadn't been addressed. It just made me drink more.

Now I take each problem one at a time and I fall asleep much more peacefully knowing I am not leaving things undone or un-dealt with.

OliveDog

Hi 2much,

I'm too new at this to offer any useful advice.

All I can offer is that I see a lot of similarity between your situation and mine. I drank hard from 18 to 47 -- particularly from 35-47. I have no family, no friends, just a of acquaintances from work and my sweet dog Olive. Oh, I also enjoyed a divorce and DUI arrest. I'm sure there'd hardly be a ripple if I were to fade away.

But, these past 16 days without drinking have brought greater comfort than anything alcohol ever provided. Just do one favor for yourself. Don't pick up the first drink tomorrow. You can do the one day. See how it goes.

That's what I'd try, anyway.

Best,
ODog

least

I'm sorry to hear you gave in and drank. Try again tomorrow.

HeartsAfire

"...but instead, I drink. Can't figure out why."

Keep questioning, looking, digging, pondering, posting...whatever it takes. The answer will come to you as long as you continue your search.

Nonsensical

Addiction.

Blaizze

Keep looking for the "why" to drinking.. I know I have one somewhere, and I am looking for it, hoping that counseling may offer me some help in that regard. Once you find the "why" you can find your triggers and hopefully stop drinking for good. I have been sober then drunk again, back and forth more times than I can really count. But I am still working on it, a day at a time. Day 3 again for me here.
I know that mellow feeling is great, that high from the first glass or shot is enticing, but it only leads back to the point where you were, and more often then not worse then before. The shaking, and sweating will get worse, and so will whatever is causing you to drink. I have proved that to myself more times then not , unfortunately.
Don't drink tomorrow, check in here instead, and talk to people.

instant

Addiction is what it is. The torment builds over time. There is no avoiding pain and discomfort- alcohol only delays it and adds to the bill

Jillian2563

That is so me right now too. I was on day 6 yesterday, and decided I was going to drink a few. Ended up having five 16 oz beers at 5.5 %. Felt like crap this morning and went back to bed until 2pm.

2much, If we don't stop, we cannot fix the underlying problem. I hope that you can continue with your sobriety and truly be at peace with yourself.

justinJustQuit

I have this exact same problem. I'm only 26, but I have no detrimental effects of losing losing my job, family or any of that. It sounds totally stupid, but when I have this exact same thought, I go look in the mirror. In two short weeks of sobriety, I can see veins in my hands again, my skin has returned to normal, my blood pressure is down, I've lost 10 pounds.

If your body undertakes that sort of transformation in 14 short days, doing what you were doing beforehand is a bad thing.

But that's just me.