My wake up call
 

i have known for some time that i am an alcoholic and that i am slowly on a collision course ... i havent had anything bad happen and i've tried to rationalize to myself why i deserve a drink or that i could moderate but now i am trying to just be honest with myself ...

fact: i can only stop drinking after 1 drink if the situation doesn't permit me to have more like if i am driving
fact: if i have to stop at 1, thoughts about when i can continue like after i get home rule my mind
fact: 2 bottles of wine is now do-able
fact: 1 bottle of wine 5 times a week will eventually kill you
fact: i've started to see changes in my drinking - increase tolerance, more craving / thinking about when i can drink next, seeing drinking as a reward i can give myself, more times when i just cant remember how the night ended, more desire to just stay home so i can drink more

i think i have gotten to the point that i can no longer rationalize that as ok or normal and frankly, i got really scared that i'm entering a new phase that will be short and painful and end really badly and i don't want that

Hi Kluhs - you have come to the right place for answers and decisions about what you want to do :)

Welcome!!

Good thinking kluhs. I see myself in all those facts - especially the last one. You're right, eventually you'll pass into another phase. That's what happened to me - and I almost didn't make it out.

I'm glad you're self aware and can see what lies ahead. Many never see the warning signs in time to save themselves from disaster. You can do this.

You are smart to quit drinking. It will only get worse if you continue. :( There's a lot of support here to help you stay sober. :)

Oh boy, that was me and it did get worse. I didn't realize how sick I was becoming and attributed all my ills to other things; age, hormones, general anxiety, social phobia, slow metabolism, etc., anything but the wine I was drowning in every night. Knew I had a problem but never considered not drinking. Tried moderation, drinking only on weekends, which ended in binge drinking, which led back to drinking every night just to feel better. There was no great tragedy or epiphany that led me to sobriety. But guess I finally racked up enough regrets, enough humiliations, stupid accidents, and health fears that I couldn't live with myself, this way, anymore. This is such an insideous disease, and everyone is different, but it is important that you recognize the path you are on and consider sobriety. There are so many great sober blogs including SR that help me along. If you need a goal check out Belle's "tired of thinking about drinking" blog. I joined her 100 day sobriety challenge and just kept going. You can do it if I can :).

Thanks for posting. I really relate to what you're saying.

That's a huge step, what's your next move?

I feel you. I started at maybe two or three whiskey drinks then a couple shots added and them I was double shorting my drinks and then just pouring aimlessly. My bottom was when I realized I was sneaking out of bed at ten and eleven at night to triple shot another one.... Not a proud moment but I'm day three and counting! Glad u r here.

your logic is right on target....

I sure wish I would have come to this type of thinking about 12 years, two DUI's, Two divorces and several hundred thousand dollars sooner.

Welcome.

:ring

Another fact is that some people can drink for a lot longer (years) once you reach that point (I did) but it is just prolonged and utter misery. You cross over into a place where it doesn't "work" anymore but you do it anyway over and over and over and over again, trapped and desperate and hopeless. Quitting now will save you so much needless suffering, or worse. Great job!

I've had the exact same wake up call as you. It sucks though when other people (my husband) don't really understand why I need to quit drinking. I'm quite a bore sober, for now anyways. I'm having a hard time adjusting to this sober life and my husband is frustrated with the new me.

The facts (I call them fears) you stated are exactly the reason I am here on SR today. It's been bad for me but not that bad...yet. I know it's coming if I don't stop - not "get a handle on it" as I've been promising myself I'll do for years, but actually STOP.

Hi Kluhs, I too can relate to what you're saying. Sounds like now is the time x