KatieA

I care. I really do hope you make it <3

Weaver

Hmmm

2muchpain

Thanks for all you positive responses, but the fact is, in my real world life, nobody cares. This is the reality of my life;, if I die today, and the landlord eventually finds me, I will be sent to a morgue. My family will be notified. My brother might do something to make himself look good to others and to see what I have left in my bank account that he can get his hands on. (he has a history of doing this). I love my sister dearly, but she has serious mental problems, and is incapable of doing anything. Sorry guys, but I'm drunk and in an I don't care attitude. No family, no friends, nobody.

Imabuleva

You can always start again tomorrow. Please don't give up.

Raider

I'm sorry. I understand. My offer still stands.....

Dee74

Well, I hope you'll see things a little less incessantly black tomorrow.
Seriously though - stop the drinking - it really doesn't help.

D

EndGameNYC

Or just sitting in the driveway.

Framing longterm sobriety as unrealistic boils down to holding onto another excuse to drink.

It never ceases to amaze me how we so readily allow fear, the common denominator, to keep freedom at bay and prevent us from living a better life.

You don't need to make a commitment to longterm sobriety right this moment, but it will likely help if you open the door to this possibility just a little bit.

TigerLili

I don't mean to go all Pollyanna on you, but maybe YOU could find someone to care about. Volunteer at a aged care home or something. There are loads of people who never get visitors who would love to see you and would definitely miss your company if you didn't come round. It's like a captive audience! What are they going to do, run away down the hall on their walker?

But srsly. Do something caring for someone else. What goes round comes round, you know?

2muchpain

What offer?

2muchpain

As a former Special Education teacher that has given most of my life to helping others; I felt that I deserve some of that caring in return, and still do. People say that everybody should be willing to help others, without expecting anything in return, but eventually, good people expect to be rewarded for their efforts sometimes. That's just natural. But I was thinking, maybe I should do more to help people if I can expect anything in return, or maybe I shouldn't expect anything at all. But I am not the Dali Lama, and expect something good to come my way eventually. For example, I have helped many people at AA meetings, but all I get are calls from them asking for more help. Nobody calls to see if I need anything. Sure, I can keep going around helping others figuring I 'm doing what the 12th step says, not expecting anything in return, but that's not being real. I actually had a guy that was really angry with me because he hadn't seen me for a long time because I wasn't there to give him money, cigarettes, or a ride to somewhere. Never asked how I was doing. It's no wonder why I and MANY OTHERS, retreat to their homes to find sanity. Most people will ask so much that they will drain you dry, then kick you to the curb when you have nothing else to give, and move on to the next victim. And so I get drunk to forget for a while that that is the way it is. on a brighter note, a duck walks into a grocery store and buys what a duck buys for food. Ends up at the cashier to pay for the food. The cashier rings everything up and asks the duck if that will be cash or check. Neither one says the duck, just put it on my bill. Good Night.

EndGameNYC

Plenty of folks here give freely of themselves without asking for or expecting anything in return.

The world may not be as bleak as you paint it.

malcolmsloan

I think some of these topics discussed in this thread are a bit over my head as I'm pretty new to sobriety. But I do not want any one to die as a result of this addiction. I remember driving to work, so hungover I could barely see the road, and I began to fantasize about death: Might it be easier than dealing with this? I actually felt that I wanted out. I do not want anyone-anyone-even someone I have never physically met to want to die or to die as a result of alchohol. Last year, we burried a close friend who drank herself to death: Simply didn't wake up. Though I do not "know" you 2much, I care. I want you to feel better, and I hope you can find some peace.

2muchpain

I never drank before going to work, but there were many times I drove to work hoping for an accident so I wouldn't have to deal with the mess I was in. I would drive over a bridge to work, and think about driving off of it to avoid going to work with withdrawals.

Raider

My offer was a hug. You, my man, have your eye on the wrong prize.....

PaulinaPolitely

oh my gosh LOL!

PaulinaPolitely

Sounds to me like you are in a spiritual spiral, wondering what your purpose in life is? I give a lot too, but know that I am given a lot, and it keeps me energized, even when exhausted. Maybe pray, or ask God or life for what purpose is there? I did it when I was 20, and it all made sense, in a very odd profound way. It sounds like you are questioning your purpose in life. And...what a great place to be!

Kayla50

17 days sound like the miracle mile me!! You go girl! Make it longer. You can do it. Awesome.

2muchpain

I am determined to beat this! I feel like I'm getting a little closer every day. I'm trying new things to help me get there, like posting on this forum and seeing a therapist. This might sound like not a big deal to some people, but I actually went to a movie. My therapist recommended a website called "meet ups". There's a ton of different groups that get together for various activities depending on your interests. Worth a try. Have a good night everybody.

Aellyce

Hi 2muchpain, I hear ya (I think). For many years before this January I never really had the confidence to go out there (here) and start to use support constructively. I also had a history of clinging to false promises from apparent "close friends", as well as a fear of commitment to a drastic change.

"Not expecting long term sobriety" may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You keep telling yourself and you will believe... I've experienced this in so many different ways, far more than just my addiction to alcohol!

What has helped me in the first moments when I finally decided to take this fight seriously: trust. Trust has always come very difficultly for me... But I decided no other choice, I'll trust SR and I'll trust those that suggest to me that I exercise routinely to curb my anxiety... and I try to also trust those that say I'm not a useless piece of *** but actually have done many valuable things in/with my life already. I trust also all the people on SR who say it's going to get better and better. I do because I feel my confidence it pretty damaged right now, so I am trying to build on others' for the moment

17 days is awesome, don't throw it away now!!

ReadyAndAble

For me, the irony was that half-measures — cutting back, stopping for a while — proved impossible to sustain. If I allowed myself even the possibility of one day having a drink, that day was never very far off.

It turned out that what seemed like the toughest choice of all — to set my sights on complete and total abstinence — was the one option that actually worked me. It was far easier to do it all the way, then to try to do it half way. I never expected that.