10 Days Sober!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 21
10 Days Sober!
10 DAYS SOBER!! 
The interesting thing about it is that I went to the bar with a co-worker tonight after work to watch some basketball, and wanted to get some input off what happened. I knew I wasn't going to have a problem controlling my urges, but I ended up NOT telling him that I am trying to quit alcohol, I just told him that I am on anxiety medication and it's a bad mix with alcohol and that's why I wasn't drinking. It's like I was scared of what he was going to think of me, I didn't necessarily quit drinking because I was an alcoholic, but for the fact it made my anxiety problem A LOT worse, so it's best if I just stay away from drinking. But I feel as if I told him I was quitting he would judge me as an alcoholic or weak. Then when I get home my dad was talking about going to a Gopher basketball game next month and started talking about how we would go for food and beer before the game. I haven't told anyone other than my girlfriend that I quit. Just tough to find the courage to tell people, because if I fail it makes me really look like I have a problem and it's less intimidating without so many people knowing. I don't know, anyone else feel this way or have any good input..?
The interesting thing about it is that I went to the bar with a co-worker tonight after work to watch some basketball, and wanted to get some input off what happened. I knew I wasn't going to have a problem controlling my urges, but I ended up NOT telling him that I am trying to quit alcohol, I just told him that I am on anxiety medication and it's a bad mix with alcohol and that's why I wasn't drinking. It's like I was scared of what he was going to think of me, I didn't necessarily quit drinking because I was an alcoholic, but for the fact it made my anxiety problem A LOT worse, so it's best if I just stay away from drinking. But I feel as if I told him I was quitting he would judge me as an alcoholic or weak. Then when I get home my dad was talking about going to a Gopher basketball game next month and started talking about how we would go for food and beer before the game. I haven't told anyone other than my girlfriend that I quit. Just tough to find the courage to tell people, because if I fail it makes me really look like I have a problem and it's less intimidating without so many people knowing. I don't know, anyone else feel this way or have any good input..?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,368
I think it's wise to be a little circumspect about who you tell.
Fair or not there's a lot of stigma about being an alcoholic.
Thats being said, if you make up an excuse, or a lie with an in-built ending like 'I'm on meds', 'I'm getting fit' 'I'm giving it up for Lent' .... sooner or later that time will end and you'll be faced with all the usual invitations and temptations again.
I think the best reply is 'no thanks I don't drink anymore'.
I used to feel like I owed people a long essay of explanation. I thought that because drinking was so important to me, it was as important to other people too. It's not.
Most people do not care if I drink or not.
If you are around those people who do care, tell them you don't drink anymore because drinking doesn't agree with you, or because you like who you are sober (that's a beauty).
and if you around around these people, in bars, and they want to know why you stopped or they expect you to drink with them - ask yourself if you really need to be there?
D
Fair or not there's a lot of stigma about being an alcoholic.
Thats being said, if you make up an excuse, or a lie with an in-built ending like 'I'm on meds', 'I'm getting fit' 'I'm giving it up for Lent' .... sooner or later that time will end and you'll be faced with all the usual invitations and temptations again.
I think the best reply is 'no thanks I don't drink anymore'.
I used to feel like I owed people a long essay of explanation. I thought that because drinking was so important to me, it was as important to other people too. It's not.
Most people do not care if I drink or not.
If you are around those people who do care, tell them you don't drink anymore because drinking doesn't agree with you, or because you like who you are sober (that's a beauty).
and if you around around these people, in bars, and they want to know why you stopped or they expect you to drink with them - ask yourself if you really need to be there?
D
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Congratulations on 10 days 
I don't tell anyone -I just say I don't drink. Full stop. When out I just ask for a soft drink . Most people don't ask, It's only because we have a problem that we think everyone else notices is if we're drinking but they don't.
A simple " I'm not drinking tonight" is enough. Of course people may ask why-again "I'm just not" is enough .Any more pushing is just rude,
I'm also a believer in too much explaining/over explaining makes you look guilty and suspicious
I don't tell anyone -I just say I don't drink. Full stop. When out I just ask for a soft drink . Most people don't ask, It's only because we have a problem that we think everyone else notices is if we're drinking but they don't.
A simple " I'm not drinking tonight" is enough. Of course people may ask why-again "I'm just not" is enough .Any more pushing is just rude,
I'm also a believer in too much explaining/over explaining makes you look guilty and suspicious
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Vig, Congrats on your 10 days and good for you for posting and seeking help.
When I had quit for about five days (something I previously decided was not possible for me) I made a decision to tell a key person or two in each area of my life.
I told a person at work, one sibling, my best friend and my daughter.
None of these people with the exception of that sibling thought I'd had ANY alcohol problem. None had ever seen me drunk. Because I hid it.
None of them had any problems with alcohol themselves and all of them are social drinkers.
They were surprised. But they completely accepted that if I said I needed to quit then I knew what I was doing.
I leaned on these people like crazy. Constantly texting them looking for them to cheer me on with every tiny milestone. And they did.
It was one of the best things I did.
Otherwise I told people nothing, or if they asked, I said "Nah, I'm not drinking today" or "I felt better when I didn't drink", etc. I've also told people: "Alcohol became too important to me so I had to cut it out." People get that. Ive never told someone I'm an alcoholic.
And you know what? Nobody cares. I just changed the subject. The rare person who asked more usually did so because they were concerned about their own drinking!
When I had quit for about five days (something I previously decided was not possible for me) I made a decision to tell a key person or two in each area of my life.
I told a person at work, one sibling, my best friend and my daughter.
None of these people with the exception of that sibling thought I'd had ANY alcohol problem. None had ever seen me drunk. Because I hid it.
None of them had any problems with alcohol themselves and all of them are social drinkers.
They were surprised. But they completely accepted that if I said I needed to quit then I knew what I was doing.
I leaned on these people like crazy. Constantly texting them looking for them to cheer me on with every tiny milestone. And they did.
It was one of the best things I did.
Otherwise I told people nothing, or if they asked, I said "Nah, I'm not drinking today" or "I felt better when I didn't drink", etc. I've also told people: "Alcohol became too important to me so I had to cut it out." People get that. Ive never told someone I'm an alcoholic.
And you know what? Nobody cares. I just changed the subject. The rare person who asked more usually did so because they were concerned about their own drinking!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Oxford
Posts: 126
Congratulations on 10 days VIG44. Like others have said most people don't care if you drink or not. I have been open and honest with family and close friends. They all admire what I am doing and have seen the difference it has made to my life. There does seem to be a stigma attached to the word alcoholic but these days I don't care if other people have a problem with the word. You might get the odd look at first. People see me: happy, consistent, compassionate, caring, loving, giving and in control of my life and judge that :-)
If I don't know the people that well I just say "I don't drink" no one bats an eyelid.
Wishing you all the very best in your recovery.
If I don't know the people that well I just say "I don't drink" no one bats an eyelid.
Wishing you all the very best in your recovery.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 21
Thank you all for the great input, I really appreciate it! Yeah it makes a lot of sense, people just don't care as much as I do about my problem. I even noticed that with my girlfriend, I kept rambling on and on about myself and my alcohol and anxiety problems and I just sat back, thought about it for a bit and thought "Wow, if I was in her position I would be so annoyed right now" So I've toned it down a lot, that's why I'm so thankful to have found this site. So at least I can talk to others that care as much as I do and have been through what I have and frankly, much worse probably. Thanks everyone!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Lincoln,NE
Posts: 10
I completely understand where you are coming from. Both sides of my family wouldn't understand. My Dad knows about my previous drinking and drinks heavily himself but because I am a good provider for my family would think I am overreacting. My mom doesn't drink at all but knew I drank. However not sure she is aware of how much. I think she would blame herself and cry a lot. Share in your own time but rely on those who you have already told.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Congrats on ten days sober!
If I'm asked I just say "no thanks, I don't drink" and leave it at that. And if someone asks again, I just repeat what I just said until they leave me alone.
If I'm asked I just say "no thanks, I don't drink" and leave it at that. And if someone asks again, I just repeat what I just said until they leave me alone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Good win for the Gophs last night, looks like they caught Wisconsin at the right time as Bucky's on a downhill slide. I'm thinking this new coach is a great addition for MN, looking forward to how the Big 10 plays out this year.
Now for the brass tacks: I know it seems natural to meet buddies at the bar, and maybe you even see it as a small victory by going there last night and not drinking. I know I felt that those trips were "sober training" for me in the early goings. After all, we're going to have to learn how to be sober in bars, right?
Wrong. Man, you're just 10 days sober, and I gotta tell you that going to a bar is not a great move. It's a natural thing to think it's okay, but in my opinion it's really not a good idea. It's like going out with a girl for 5 years, then breaking up...and then taking her to a movie a week later. You have to move on, buddy. Might be a good idea to scrap the bars for a while, and really work on yourself. Sound like something you can do?
Pat on the back time: great job on these 10 days. It's tough in the early going and you're going to have lots of questions. Try not to worry about solving the entire puzzle at once and create a monster - just keep building one sober day on top of the other for a while. Well done so far and congrats!
Now for the brass tacks: I know it seems natural to meet buddies at the bar, and maybe you even see it as a small victory by going there last night and not drinking. I know I felt that those trips were "sober training" for me in the early goings. After all, we're going to have to learn how to be sober in bars, right?
Wrong. Man, you're just 10 days sober, and I gotta tell you that going to a bar is not a great move. It's a natural thing to think it's okay, but in my opinion it's really not a good idea. It's like going out with a girl for 5 years, then breaking up...and then taking her to a movie a week later. You have to move on, buddy. Might be a good idea to scrap the bars for a while, and really work on yourself. Sound like something you can do?
Pat on the back time: great job on these 10 days. It's tough in the early going and you're going to have lots of questions. Try not to worry about solving the entire puzzle at once and create a monster - just keep building one sober day on top of the other for a while. Well done so far and congrats!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 21
Yeah the Gophers surprised me with that win, Wisconsin looked very overrated though! Yeah, after I went even without drinking I still felt like it was the wrong environment for me to be in. I just feel like I'm a people pleaser and not going out with my old buddy would be unfair to him just because I couldn't control my drinking. But it's time I start thinking about myself and not about pleasing others unless it supports my sobriety. I'm definitely going to try to stay away from the bar scene for awhile, although I hope someday I can feel comfortable in that scene even though I'm not drinking.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
I totally understand. I wasn't more than 24 hours out of treatment when I walked into a bar (for lunch) because in my head it was the only place to socialize. I didn't drink, but it speaks to my old habits.
Sounds like you've got your priorities in good shape. How are things going this weekend?
Sounds like you've got your priorities in good shape. How are things going this weekend?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
Take up weightlifting or some other physical pursuit, then you can tell people you don't drink because it's unhealthy. If you tell people you don't drink because you can't handle your booze and it's bad for you they think you're a drunk, but if you tell them you don't drink because you work out and [booze] is bad for you, they will think you're a badass.
Not to mention -- if you take weightlifting and proper diet seriously for long enough, you WILL be a badass -- better-looking, longer-living, more confident, and strong like bull. Women will want to date you, men will want to be on your bowling team, and animals will try to learn to speak our language, so that they can hang out with you.
Oh, and all your friends will want you to come and visit them. Whenever they need help moving furniture.. BRRRING BRRRRING! "hey can you drop by after work?!"
Yeah that last part can get a little annoying..
Not to mention -- if you take weightlifting and proper diet seriously for long enough, you WILL be a badass -- better-looking, longer-living, more confident, and strong like bull. Women will want to date you, men will want to be on your bowling team, and animals will try to learn to speak our language, so that they can hang out with you.
Oh, and all your friends will want you to come and visit them. Whenever they need help moving furniture.. BRRRING BRRRRING! "hey can you drop by after work?!"
Yeah that last part can get a little annoying..
My wagon's in the mud.
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Bournemouth, UK
Posts: 88
Strangely enough I've found that other people are just as wrapped up in themselves as we are, they have their jobs, families, lovers etc. etc.
They don't really care that much if you drink or not. The only ones who find it difficult are active alcoholics, and it's best to avoid them like the plague.
They don't really care that much if you drink or not. The only ones who find it difficult are active alcoholics, and it's best to avoid them like the plague.
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