dasautobatgirl

On March 18, 2010, my oldest daughter was hit by a car in front of our house. she was riding a "ripstick" down the driveway with her lacrosse goalie stick in hand, but no helmet.
I was working on her bat mitzphah invitations at my desk looking out onto the front yard/road. She was 12 years old and allowed to be outside without parental supervision.
Below is a writing of mine about that day ...

NOISE
I ran out with flip-flops flying
I KNEW it was EMMA
But I didn’t yet see
I ran out & the boy was crying & I cared but didn’t
My daughter was lying on the asphalt
Her body still
Her eyes disarranged
She wasn’t breathing; that much I knew
OH GOD
Why
I tried to get a pulse, but my pulse was too loud to hear another
I lifted her head enough to clear her airway, unclenched her teeth
I performed old school CPR
I did chest compressions & breathed into her mouth
Nothing changed at first
I thought & said aloud, “this can’t be it, this can’t be the end”
I tried some more & at last she gurgled blood out of her mouth & I saw her chest heave up & down.
Her eyes weren’t right; so honestly it did cross my mind whether or not I saved her to live a real life or not. In these split seconds, I had these thoughts.
 

Raider

I'm so sorry. How frightening.

Cathryn2001

I'm so sorry for what you experienced. I hope that your writing (fierce and powerful) has helped you through this process. xo

nigey1

I take it you have had counselling about this incident. If not I highly recommend you do so. Don't tough it out.

least

I agree that counseling might help you get over this incident and put away the bad memories.

dasautobatgirl

thank you all for your heartfelt replies. I have been off & on in therapy. Health insurance was an issue recently, but will change 2/1/14. We are in family therapy, as my middle child clearly, and was diagnosed so, showed signs of PTSD (both younger girls were present with me at the accident scene). it's a work in progress ... like everything else, this healing takes time.

ImperfectlyMe

I really wish I had the words to say to you. I don't think I'm sorry is enough. I can't even imagine the pain you must hold. I hope your little girl is ok, and your whole family can heal from this tragedy. You're in my thoughts and prayers!

dasautobatgirl

My daughter had a remarkable recovery. I think I may start blogging to get all the history out. brain injury is complex, but there are still wonders, such as her age & pre-injury ability that was nothing less than miraculous.
for me, it is the images, memory, and not being able to prevent the accident. performing CPR, which I learned and got certified for when in college +20 years ago saved her & reduced brain damage. 10-16 minutes without oxygen & the brain can die. for me, i was in the usual "mother-mode" ... just a bigger bandaid. I hope to write more about the process. It always takes a front burner this time of year ... accident date 3/18/2010.

dasautobatgirl

I downloaded some pictures ... Emma at MGH (Mass General Hospital, Boston) on my profile.

Cathryn2001

Thanks for sharing pictures of your beautiful, resilient girl. I'm glad to hear that she has made a remarkable recovery. I can't begin to imagine the path your family has traveled since the accident. I hope you continue to write about the process.

soberhawk

I read you story yesterday, I was not sure from the first post whether she survived and unsure how to respond.

A frightening experience, marvelous reaction from you. I am so glad that your daughter survived. We are much better at training people today than we were a decade or more ago.

I can imagine it takes time for you to recover after this experience – I think you are right healing takes time.

dasautobatgirl

soberhawk, thank you for your response. "we are much better at training people today than were a decade or more ago" ... does this relate to CPR? apparently the breath is not used so much as are the compressions compared to when I was certified in college. either way, it worked. I am friends with one of the EMTs that came to her accident & have since come up to speed.
i'm new to SR and am not sure what is appropriately relevant to post. To me it is still all emeshed, but working on it.

soberhawk

Probably my English, I was thinking of people that have a brain injury – we are much better at rehabilitation today than a decade ago (we call it training here, but it is probably not the correct word in English).

dasautobatgirl

absolutely, treating TBI has come a long way. I have to add that we are lucky to be 40 minutes from Boston, some of the best hospitals in the world. Emma did have to re-learn how to walk, talk, and so much more. Rehabilation is amazing. She still has moments of aphasia "word finding" ... apples vs. peppers.