Drinking in moderation
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 928
People without drinking problems don't try to moderate, they just do it. I think trying to moderate is just another mind game played by alcoholics to justify their drinking. The fact that I always failed is of course further proof. But if you are even thinking "This time. This time will be different" then there's a pretty solid chance you have a problem. Or another trick I tried was only buying a certain amount. That didn't work either.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
I'm so glad to see you back with us, John. Sometimes we need further proof that we can't touch it.
I tried everything I could think of so I wouldn't have to let go of it. I really don't know why - in the end it was never fun the way it once was. It had become a necessity, & was causing me great anxiety and misery. Finally I began to think of it not as a loss, but the beginning of a new and better life. You can do this, John.
I tried everything I could think of so I wouldn't have to let go of it. I really don't know why - in the end it was never fun the way it once was. It had become a necessity, & was causing me great anxiety and misery. Finally I began to think of it not as a loss, but the beginning of a new and better life. You can do this, John.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 394
Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm sad to see you back with us John. Not that I'm not glad you came back to seek help, which I'm very grateful you've done. You seem extremely earnest and I'm so happy you/girlfriend are together. I can tell you care about her tremendously.
I'm just sad that this is another reminder that even a distinct hint of a problem is popping up years later. It serves as another example of trying to forget, yet this damn disease never fails to creep its way back in.
I'm just sad that this is another reminder that even a distinct hint of a problem is popping up years later. It serves as another example of trying to forget, yet this damn disease never fails to creep its way back in.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by MIRecovery 
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but regardless of your drinking patterns you are an alcoholic and the only solution is abstinence.
The good news is there is a way out and the path leads to a wonderful sober life
The good news is there is a way out and the path leads to a wonderful sober life
I do, however, love the next part of your message, stating that sobriety is a pathway out of alcoholism. However, he, like the rest of us, must navigate it on our own. Nobody can title us or speak for us. Just my opinion. Again, I love the candor and the enthusiasm behind it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 11
I do care about my girlfriend so much but when I have too much to drink, I just act like all I want to do is drink and not talk to her normally. This makes me feel like I have let myself and her down as I know it is very far from how I am when sober.
I know my true feelings and how my mind works when sober, but drink removes that completely. This is brings on more guilt that I don't deserve to be happy when sober as I ruin it when drunk.
I am in the UK and up for work, but have that horrible lethargic feeling after drinking, even two three days earlier. Drinking isn't worth it to me as I get a lot more heartache from it than enjoyment.
Thank you for your support.
I know my true feelings and how my mind works when sober, but drink removes that completely. This is brings on more guilt that I don't deserve to be happy when sober as I ruin it when drunk.
I am in the UK and up for work, but have that horrible lethargic feeling after drinking, even two three days earlier. Drinking isn't worth it to me as I get a lot more heartache from it than enjoyment.
Thank you for your support.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Lincolnshire, UK
Posts: 440
HI John and welcome back
I'm newly sober myself - last drunk Friday night/Saturday morning but have vowed I won't drink again (again) but I've realised for that to happen I have to change other aspects of my life. I need stuff to fill the hole left by not drinking alcohol (being a home drinker the hours spent slumped comatose on the sofa).
I have started going to AA (accept it's not for everyone but it is making sense to me) and yesterday lunchtime a chap made an observation that really resounded with me. He has been sober for 3 years and finds life a lot simpler. Simpler to make decisions on things, simpler to see what 'problems' are insignificant niggles and what ones do need looking at more deeply (and being clear headed enough to do it which breaks a vicious circle).
Another thing that appeared markedly to me was the difference between those of us at the beginning of our journey to those further down the path. We were sallow skinned, forced smiles etc. while those with 'time under their belt' looked healthy and seemed to genuinely be enjoying life (while still being honest about the realities of sobriety - eg you have to face up to things rather than hide behind the bottle.
It has finally hit home to me that the only way to change (IMO, others may disagree) is to develop a whole new and more healthy mindset on the issue of alcohol.
I'm newly sober myself - last drunk Friday night/Saturday morning but have vowed I won't drink again (again) but I've realised for that to happen I have to change other aspects of my life. I need stuff to fill the hole left by not drinking alcohol (being a home drinker the hours spent slumped comatose on the sofa).
I have started going to AA (accept it's not for everyone but it is making sense to me) and yesterday lunchtime a chap made an observation that really resounded with me. He has been sober for 3 years and finds life a lot simpler. Simpler to make decisions on things, simpler to see what 'problems' are insignificant niggles and what ones do need looking at more deeply (and being clear headed enough to do it which breaks a vicious circle).
Another thing that appeared markedly to me was the difference between those of us at the beginning of our journey to those further down the path. We were sallow skinned, forced smiles etc. while those with 'time under their belt' looked healthy and seemed to genuinely be enjoying life (while still being honest about the realities of sobriety - eg you have to face up to things rather than hide behind the bottle.
It has finally hit home to me that the only way to change (IMO, others may disagree) is to develop a whole new and more healthy mindset on the issue of alcohol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 11
I agree that i too will to look at alcohol in a different way. I didn't drink it at home, and often went two to three weeks without a drink, but then a social do would come up where I felt I had to drink, or I thought everyone else was and I didn't want to miss out. I think I will overcome this, but initially i may have the odd feeling that I am missing out on fun. In reality it just feels like you are having more fun as you don't know what is going on around you.
It has taken me over ten years to get to this point. I used to think that because I didn't drink at home, I was fine, but in reality I have a different kind of problem in that I can't control my intake; whether that be on a daily basis or just one night, it is still not good.
It has taken me over ten years to get to this point. I used to think that because I didn't drink at home, I was fine, but in reality I have a different kind of problem in that I can't control my intake; whether that be on a daily basis or just one night, it is still not good.
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 89
Hi John
I'm in the UK too, and have almost the exact same problem. If you want to talk sometime, I'd be more than happy to have someone to share with. I'm 27 - I've never been able to control my intake once I start, leading to some incredibly excruciatingly embarrassing and occasionally even dangerous situations.
I am also someone who can go weeks without drinking, but whenever drinking at an event is brought up, I feel like I'm bracing myself for going into a battle with an uncertain outcome. Like Russian roulette, I never know when I'm going to dodge the bullet and when not.
Anyway, again, if you'd like to chat more, I would find that helpful too. I am just shy of two weeks sober, so it's all new for me, too.
I'm in the UK too, and have almost the exact same problem. If you want to talk sometime, I'd be more than happy to have someone to share with. I'm 27 - I've never been able to control my intake once I start, leading to some incredibly excruciatingly embarrassing and occasionally even dangerous situations.
I am also someone who can go weeks without drinking, but whenever drinking at an event is brought up, I feel like I'm bracing myself for going into a battle with an uncertain outcome. Like Russian roulette, I never know when I'm going to dodge the bullet and when not.
Anyway, again, if you'd like to chat more, I would find that helpful too. I am just shy of two weeks sober, so it's all new for me, too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by SuperMario
Hi John
I'm in the UK too, and have almost the exact same problem. If you want to talk sometime, I'd be more than happy to have someone to share with. I'm 27 - I've never been able to control my intake once I start, leading to some incredibly excruciatingly embarrassing and occasionally even dangerous situations.
I am also someone who can go weeks without drinking, but whenever drinking at an event is brought up, I feel like I'm bracing myself for going into a battle with an uncertain outcome. Like Russian roulette, I never know when I'm going to dodge the bullet and when not.
Anyway, again, if you'd like to chat more, I would find that helpful too. I am just shy of two weeks sober, so it's all new for me, too.
I'm in the UK too, and have almost the exact same problem. If you want to talk sometime, I'd be more than happy to have someone to share with. I'm 27 - I've never been able to control my intake once I start, leading to some incredibly excruciatingly embarrassing and occasionally even dangerous situations.
I am also someone who can go weeks without drinking, but whenever drinking at an event is brought up, I feel like I'm bracing myself for going into a battle with an uncertain outcome. Like Russian roulette, I never know when I'm going to dodge the bullet and when not.
Anyway, again, if you'd like to chat more, I would find that helpful too. I am just shy of two weeks sober, so it's all new for me, too.
Have you had an social events during that two week time? It is key to me that I go to these events now and not drink. Previously, I would either go and drink and worry before and after that I would drink too much, or even not go at all. I have a feeling that I have a point to prove and attend a social event with my girlfriend and be myself for once, rather than just rely on alcohol to make me someone I feel I should be when drinking; that is the person I hate and it makes me cringe as it just isn't me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
Just a thought........... in early sobriety, I think it best to be leary of places where alcohol is being served. If I'd continued to go to the usual places it would have been harder to stay focused on not drinking if it is the showcase. Make sure the reason you're really attending.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by Kris47
Just a thought........... in early sobriety, I think it best to be leary of places where alcohol is being served. If I'd continued to go to the usual places it would have been harder to stay focused on not drinking if it is the showcase. Make sure the reason you're really attending.
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