2bhappier

I kind of have a question. Most of the social situations I find myself in involve alcohol. I have a work lunch today that will most likely involve alcohol (wine). I am going to find a way to get out of going. Is this bad? I just feel like I should avoid alcohol at all costs even if it means bailing on lunch. Is this a mistake?

Oldselfagain

I think it's fine to avoid those social situations where there will be alcohol. I think this is important, particularly in early recovery. I can honestly say the only times I fell off the wagon were in those social situations with booze around. It gets easier as you get further along in your recovery, but in the early days it has danger written all over it.

seahorse661

People have different ways of coping with alcohol after getting sober. I can deal with work functions, but for at least 6 months avoided other social situations where there was alcohol. I don't have it in my home but some in my AA group do.
No right or wrong, just do whatever it takes to stay sober. Don't take chances, its not worth it

doggonecarl

It is not a mistake to put your sobriety before situations that threaten it. Yes, it's a work thing, and you may feel obligated to go. But how much "work" is being done if there is alcohol? I'd say none. Tell your co-workers no thanks, that you have "real" work to catch up on.

Ethos23

Im in the same situation (i.e., early sobriety and situations that involve alcohol). I think it is a great thing to not go. You are showing yourself love. I know that, in my own situation, I haven't shown myself much love lately. I also know I cannot love others if I don't love myself.

You are going to have plenty of time to spend with friends and family once you are secure in your sobriety. If people are offended, then so be it (at least for the time being). You don't need to go to an event, fall off the wagon, and start killing yourself again, just to save face.

Hearts

To this day, with all my slips, I avoid anything involving a bar or party or anything where their is for sure going to be alcohol. I don't trust myself because if I don't break there, it would put ideas back in my head. (Plus, it's not fair to see normal drinkers doing their thing. Not a fan of watching that.)

Hope4Life

If you don't think that you will not be able to resist drinking then by all means, get out of it. The most important thing has to be YOU and your continued sobriety.

That said..... I believe that if you can go and manage to not drink, you will get stronger in your resolve to stay sober. In my case.... every time that I was put in one of these situations and didn't drink, It gave me a real boost in self confidence and reinforced my DETERMINATION to stay sober.

A simple 'No thank you' and a tall glass of water or iced tea instead, will make you feel like you can resist and YOU CAN! Once you have more time sober behind you, these temptations will wane and you will feel more comfortable and less pressure to drink. Just because everyone else is drinking, doesn't mean you should too!

STAY SOBER.... whatever it takes!

Good Luck!

MattyBoy

The question is, are you avoiding those type of situations because they will tempt you to drink or is it because those at the social event will ask questions about you not drinking? If it's the former, then I would avoid them until you have enough strength to deal with them but unfortunately you often cannot avoid the latter problem - people asking why you're not drinking and that's where you need to be able to hold your ground and be sure of what you should say in order to stop people pestering you to have a drink. That was always my problem with social situations - still is to some extent.

2bhappier

I work with a bunch of people who work hard and play hard. I got a case of wine for Christmas from my office. Really I am worried about myself falling for peer pressure which may or may not truly exist. I also feel terribly guilty for not going to lunch though.

Charlie117926

i was in your same situation last week and i was only 3 days in to sobriety. i didnt make it. i could not avoid this situation as it was a wedding. if i could have i would have. i am back on track now but i lost those days i worked hard for.

some of my co-workers wanted to meet sunday for football and i passed. i am glad i did. i wish you the best today. stay strong.

2bhappier

Thanks, all. I really do NOT want to start this journey again. Ugh. I would be so mad at myself. Funny how I feel compassion and understanding toward others who relapse but get so angry with myself.

PurpleKnight

You gotta do what you gotta do, to protect your Sobriety!!

least

I see nothing wrong with avoiding those situations until you feel stronger in your recovery.

Garen

Ditto. I am my harshest critic.

In the past, I have had to turn down an outing with co-workers who were welcoming in a new employee. I didn't really worry about it too much and nobody thought anything of it -- as far as I know.

Anna

I definitely avoided situations where alcohol was involved for a very long time. Nothing else worked for me, so it was worth it.

Aellyce

Funny enough: I was a home alone drinker (in the past several years at least) and now that I quit, I feel the inverse: I need to seek out social situations or at least many activities and avoid my own company at home I've cut social situations to minimum for years. I don't tend to feel lonely, but it's triggering... So I'm seriously looking into new fun (and useful) activities for the evenings now, even if it's solo just get out. Even just stay at work late. During the last 2 weeks sober, I've had the worst cravings in the evenings / at night in my home and I figured getting out for a walk is often very helpful. So lucky that I live in a big city and neighborhood that "never really sleeps" and can be interesting and is quite safe even at night walking around by myself.

I agree in early sobriety avoiding triggering situations / confronting cravings head on is crucial.

DoPerdition

I think avoiding it is very smart. I was also a lone drinker so going out is not a trigger as much as being bored at home. I have to keep my mind occupied or I start to think about booze.

I was a bartender for years though so oddly going back to work would be the biggest trigger of all. It sucks to think I need a new career but I am putting my sobriety first so I know it is right.

2bhappier

As luck would have it I got a call from my daughter's school that she was sick and I had to go pick her up. So, I had a good reason to not go to the lunch. The down side is now I am at home a lot earlier than I intended to be and more focused on not drinking. The upside is I have no alcohol in the house. Ugh. Does this ever end?

OliveDog

We're interviewing job candidates this month, which means dinners out. I managed one last week with no problem. I have another on Thursday. It's probably a different dynamic than your lunch, though. Everyone is trying to display their best self, so it's pretty easy just to order mineral water or whatever. Still, in the past, I would have ordered a drink, so I'm on guard. I'm not sure I could handle a get together where drinking is actually expected, so I think you did the right thing.

Best,
ODog

LadyinBC

I'm over 1 year and I still avoid these situations. And I don't feel bad or guilty about it. I feel no shame in admitting that these types of situations tempt me and I don't have to go to them to prove anything to myself. I might never be okay going to these sort of things and I am okay with that. Like others have said my sobriety always has to come first no matter what.

I personally think you are smart to avoid these situations and you recognize that they aren't the best place for you to be right now. That is a good thing .