catlady14

Hi, I have recently joined but for months I have been reading and gaining insight on the minds of addicts and how powerful cocaine is. I am currently living with a guy friend of mine I have known for over two years. He invited me to live in his home after I had no where else to go. I've always known he had a bit of a drinking problem, but he's never been viloent, mostly just loud and likes to yell. Within weeks of living here we started dating and things were going well. One night he had been heavily drinking and told me that he liked my company and that my being here kept him from doing dumb stuff. But shortly after that I ame home to see a crackwho.re snorting on the table his kids eat off of!! He told me he used to use a long time ago when he was in the marines and every once in awhile now he'll use to "have a good time." I told him that if he chose to use that was his business but I felt very uncomfortable with him bringing strange, creepy people into the home. A few weeks later he told me the creeps wouldnt be stopping by and I believed him. But that didnt mean he stopped using, he would go to the grocery store and be gone for hours only to return empty handed, he'd come home late with coke on his upper lip, his nose is always running, and one time he was gone for over FIVE HOURS getting a "haircut." I put up with the lies and behaviour because he was providing for me and his kids when they came on the weekends, but he swore he never used with them here. Recently I went out to dinner with a friend and camr back to find him using with a homeless person!! After the hobo left he became very irrate and angry with my friend and I, screaming and threatening to put his hands on us. I made a resolve that nite that I had to leave, the next morning I confronted him and told him he put me in an uncomfortable position as his friend. He started crying but didnt say a word. A few nites later his youngest son (7yrs old) was here and they left all of a sudden for no apparent reason. When I came back I realized that he probably took his son with him to gi get coke because within minutes he was acting the same way he had with me and my friend just a few nites before. He began yelling at me and his son and I pulled him aside and asked what his deal was and he told me it was time for me to leave. I have no problem with that as I am already working to get myself out. My main concern is his children, part of me wants to call their mother but I dont want to ruin my friendship with him at the same time minors shouldnt be in this toxic environment.

Please help!!

Skye2

Catlady - I totally understand how you must be feeling. It's easy for me to say, not being part of it all, but I am imagining being a child of his and hoping that someone would intervene. I say this as the only child of parents who used to argue (not all the time, but it was LOUD when it happened) I remember clinging to the wall in my bedroom and praying that time would go by and I would be old enough to leave home.

Reading your post brought that back to me - I SO wish someone had intervened for me back then.

Good luck with everything Xx

catlady14

Thank you for the insight! Their mom bought the oldest son (11) a cell phone in case he ever felt uncomfortable and my thought was " well how does an 11 year old recognize and uncomfortable situation." I was thinking that maybe after I get completely moved into my place maybe I could call her. My biggest fear is that by not saying anything the children could get seriously hurt and I dont want to wait for the worst to happen, ya know?

Skye2

Yes, I understand. Emotional pain of being yelled at, can be just as destructive though.
It's a tough one for you - here if you need to talk

EndGameNYC

He told you from the start that whatever happens next would be your responsibility and your problem.

If it were me, I'd be legally mandated to call child protective services, or whatever it's called in your locale.

In any event, his children are at risk for all kinds of harm, not including the harms they've already suffered.

I can't and won't tell you what to do, but your concerns are reasonable.

least

I agree with EndGame, the childrens protective services should be called as they are in a very risky environment. Someone has to look out for their well being. Does their mom know he uses? If she knows and lets them stay there she's just as guilty as he is.

FreeOwl

if you see something you know is wrong, you know is dangerous and you know there is a bad situation and nobody else is acting as advocate for a seven year old - it seems to me you're totally in the clear taking actions to intervene in a safe and appropriate way.

Maybe that's the wake up call he needs to come to a willingness to face his addiction.

What you're describing definitely fits the textbook description of addiction. You're not being unreasonable.

catlady14

Thank you guys for the support! Im so worried about losing a friend but if I really care about him, I cant enable him. I just hope this doesnt involve me going to court, I dont know if I could face him again.

catlady14

i made the call to CPS the other nite. i was incredibly nervous, it was a lot less dramatic than i thought it would be. it'dbe interesting to see how the possible investigation will play out, i dont know much about CPS or any of that

TigerLili

Get a better friend. Let this one go.

Move out asap. Tell the mom.

NoJimmy

I think you did the right thing, but I hope you have already or are clearing out of there ASAP. He sounds like he has the potential to be very dangerous, to you and anyone else in his proximity. I think you'd be wise to be his friend from a far, if at all moving forward.

catlady14

Yeah actually the day i originally posted this, was the day i got the rest of my things and left. he made it clear he wanted me gone sooner rather than later. i contemplated calling the kids' mom but i have no relationship with her, i think she knew i was living there but it would have been weird to just call. the nice thing with CPS is i could do it anonymously. but im not sure i could be friends with someone i just called CPS on, he hasnt even contacted me since i left, so im not too concerned

TigerLili

You did the right thing, catlady. You don't need a friend like that.

DoPerdition

I think if you care about him, you should look out for his children. If he were sober, he would likely thank you for it.

catlady14

i was wondering if when he finay got all sobered up whether or not he would appreciate it or be upset that i called... i really dont care either way